Chapter 8#

Yan Wei’s courtyard housed several families. On pitch-black nights, the storm would rage endlessly. Women’s underwear hung on nylon ropes, dripping wet, while red plastic basins floated in the accumulated water.

Yan Wei remembered clearly who entered the room first and who bolted the door.

Fresh sheets were spread on the iron bed frame. A large peony was embroidered on the pillowcase with dense stitches that felt raised to the touch. He sat on the bed, looking at Yu Lin, smiling foolishly and revealing a few teeth that looked like glutinous rice.

The fan whirred beside the bed, blowing a chilly breeze onto his bare back. Thunder rolled and exploded outside the window, accompanied by streaks of lightning that split the sky, illuminating the world.

The lean, solid body beneath him was illuminated for a moment, then vanished into the darkness before he could see it clearly. Yan Wei heard Yu Lin’s voice lose its composure as their two bodies overlapped, panting low in the night.

Yu Lin said, “Weiwei, it won’t hurt, Weiwei.”

It was the first time for both of them, so pain was inevitable. But after a few times, neither could let go.

As the weather turned cold, Yu Lin came over more frequently. He had a white pullover sweater that was so white it shone; wearing it, he looked like someone who had walked out of a TV drama. Every time Yan Wei brought him back, the neighborhood kids would crawl out of the mud puddles and rub against him, leaving little muddy handprints on his sweater.

Yan Wei’s grandmother had bad hearing, so most of the time she just watched them from afar. Many clay pots were lined up on the window ledge, planted with green onions, garlic, chili peppers, and mint—almost all edible. Only in the very back was there a pot of Aglaia odorata.

Fugui had grown a size larger. It often patrolled among these flower pots, its tail held straight up.

After enduring dinner, the two would slip into the room one after another, lock the door, and hide under the covers to be intimate. Sometimes in their urgency, they would start messing around with their clothes only half off. Fugui walked silently, and a few times they realized they had locked it inside with them, so they had to continue their wild carryings-on right in front of it.

When Yan Wei couldn’t help but want to scream, he would bury his face hard into the pillow. He often forgot to cut his fingernails, so when the pain became intense, he would reach back and scratch, leaving streaks of blood on Yu Lin’s arms.

Yu Lin moved silently, kissing him quietly.

As they did it more often, they became slicker. If someone called from outside, they dared to answer carelessly, and sometimes they even found time to talk about trivial daily matters.

Yu Lin tried using condoms—who knows where he got them—but he would tear them off after a few minutes, saying it hurt. He always honestly pulled out at the last moment, leaving that warm puddle at the base of Yan Wei’s spine.

Every time they tossed and turned and messed around, Yan Wei would see his legs pressed against the sides of his head, his own engorged member almost slapping his face, and he would want to laugh. Reality felt like an absurd, chaotic, beautiful dream.

Yu Lin’s sweat dripped down, his eyes slightly closed, while Fugui meowed on the side.

Yan Wei muttered, “Damn it, it just peed, don’t let it come up.” He reached out to block it, but Fugui still jumped up, wet all over, and curled up at the foot of the bed. The iron bed frame shook violently. The scent of Aglaia drifted from somewhere, faint and making one drowsy. Yan Wei was terribly sleepy but forced his eyes open.

What saddened him was not getting old, but that even loving each other like this, they couldn’t grow old together.

When Cui Dong wrote the report, he didn’t know how to start for a moment. They were still making urgent calls to contact other kidney sources, delaying for over an hour before restarting the kidney removal surgery.

He huddled alone in his office, briefly recalling the extent of Yan Wei’s double kidney failure back then. Relying only on that one transplanted kidney to maintain basic metabolic balance functions—with such a severe kidney defect, he was actually sent to the operating table. The hospital always had endless surprises.

He looked at the stack of matching data on the table. The blood sample matching tests were all done; the lymphocytotoxicity test value was extremely low, and the HLA antigens matched. It was just that to rush the surgery, a full physical examination hadn’t been done.

By the second half of Cui Dong’s report, he barely mentioned a word of his own fault; it turned into a long-winded big-character poster criticizing others. Finishing it hastily, he slammed the pen on the table, leaned back in his chair, and fiercely exhaled the foul air from his chest.

The kidney donor had a stomach tube inserted and was wheeled into the operating room half an hour later. Three hours and forty minutes later, the kidney was successfully removed.

Cui Dong, wearing sterile clothing, waited in a nearby operating room. On the operating table, Yan Xi’s sleeping face was beautiful. In Cui Dong’s heart, he had always been a little angel who should be playing the harp in a choir.

He reached out and touched Yan Xi’s head, his eyes gentle. Two minutes later, the kidney, wrapped in a special container and preserved with ice, was wheeled in.

When Yan Wei woke up, there was no one in his recovery room.

After a long time, his arm regained sensation. He fumbled around his abdomen for a while but didn’t feel any gauze, nor did it hurt.

He was stunned for a moment, then struggled to sit up. He glanced at the glucose drip attached to his left hand and pulled out the needle, drawing a few small beads of blood.

Yan Wei sat on the edge of the bed, thinking distractedly for a while, then put on his slippers. Patients on drips were sitting scattered along the hospital corridor. He pushed open the door and saw the assistant guarding the entrance. He asked in a low voice, “Where is Yu Lin?” The assistant pointed in a direction. Yan Wei walked like he was sleepwalking, as if treading on the bottom of the deep sea—unsteady, unable to hear the surrounding sounds clearly, his eardrums buzzing with a dull pain. Every step felt floating; he had to use some effort to step down.

When he found Yu Lin, the man was sitting outside the operating room, his hands tightly clasped and resting on his knees.

He saw Yan Wei and his mouth moved. The two looked at each other silently for a while. Yan Wei said, “Why?” Yu Lin looked at him, then averted his eyes.

Yan Wei thought for a moment before saying, “I don’t want any return, I just wanted to help you. I want you to live well.” Seeing no reaction from Yu Lin, after a long time, he asked, “Are you that afraid of owing me?” Yu Lin’s hands tightened a bit, he tilted his head back against the wall, and closed his eyes.

Yan Wei looked at the dark shadows under his eyes and whispered, “About the inheritance this time, I was afraid you wouldn’t like it, so I was hiding from them all over the world. I tried my best, Yu Lin, you know that.” Yu Lin nodded, his voice a bit hoarse, “I know.”

Yan Wei looked at him, “I really have done everything I could.” He seemed to be in pain, frowning constantly.

Yu Lin leaned against the wall, head slightly tilted back, eyes closed. Yan Wei suddenly smiled, “Hey, Yu Lin.” Yu Lin opened his eyes and looked at him. He saw Yan Wei in thin patient clothes, smiling at him. “I’m a bit tired. I just wanted to tell you, I figured it out when I left. You were right, the past is past. I just haven’t forgotten. Yu Lin, you don’t need to avoid me.” Yu Lin’s eyes suddenly widened, looking at him in astonishment. Yan Wei turned around and walked back, limping slightly. Yu Lin suddenly said, “Weiwei, I haven’t forgotten either.” Yan Wei didn’t look back. Beside Yu Lin, the red light of the surgery was on; Yan Xi was still undergoing surgery.

Yu Lin said, “I also…”

Yan Wei paused for a moment, then continued walking forward. Yu Lin remained seated outside the operating room. After a while, he took a bottle of antidepressants from his pocket; it was almost empty. He shook it twice, poured out one pill, broke it in half, and swallowed it with saliva. He rested his head against the cold wall tiles and closed his eyes again.

Two hours later, the surgery light suddenly went out. Yan Xi was wheeled out. Yu Lin stood up almost immediately. Cui Dong followed at the very back, took off his mask with his left hand, crumpled it into a ball, and stuffed it along with his hand into the pocket of his doctor’s coat.

It was the hospital’s fourth successful kidney transplant after the New Year. Urination began three hours later. The drainage tube was removed after forty-eight hours, and the catheter after seventy-two hours. Written in the annual records, it was just a simple entry.

By the fifth day, Yan Xi’s urine output was still not significant. The doctors held several consultations and prescribed eighty milligrams of heparin, intravenously dripped for a week. The ward was strictly sterilized. When Cui Dong came out wearing sterile clothing, he saw Yu Lin still guarding outside. The man looked very exhausted, his breathing heavy, his chest rising and falling noticeably.

Cui Dong frowned and whispered, “Go back and rest.” Yu Lin seemed not to hear, his hands clasped on his knees.

Cui Dong said to the nurse beside him, “Find someone to send him back.” Only then did Yu Lin look up at him; the dark circles under his eyes were even worse. He shook his head, “I’m fine.” Cui Dong smiled dismissively, “You’d better listen. If you get sick now, no one will take care of you.” By the time Yan Xi came out of the isolation ward, it was already half a month later. Yu Lin returned to the company to cancel his leave, wearing an iron-grey double-breasted suit, hands hanging by his sides. The creases on his trousers were sharp, but they were a bit loose, making him look even taller and thinner.

He stepped out of the elevator with an imposing air. His eye sockets were slightly sunken, the corners of his eyes lifted, and the area under his brow bone was cast in shadow. Only when he reached a well-lit area did that grim oppressive feeling lessen.

Whoever’s masterpiece it was, Yu Lin looked like a mixture of calm and irritability. He processed the backlog of documents in the morning and held a meeting in the afternoon. High-level executives filed in and sat around the oval conference table.

The secretary distributed the documents to everyone. He saw Yan Wei sitting to the right of Yan Fengxiang, wearing a grey-blue sweater with black sleeves that tightened from the elbows down, leaving only five holes for his fingers, like stylish fingerless long gloves.

Yan Wei looked at the projection, his hands resting casually on the table.

Yu Lin waited for a while, but Yan Wei never looked his way.

After the projection showed designs for several cooperation projects, a discussion ensued. Departments expressed their own opinions and tore each other down, and by the time the meeting adjourned, there was no result.

Yu Lin walked at the very back. After returning and handling a few emails, the sky turned dark.

In the huge office outside, only one or two people were still rushing to meet deadlines. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, and after a long while, stood up, took the elevator down to the parking lot, got into the driver’s seat, and turned the steering wheel sharply to reverse. Another sports car happened to rush out from the depths of the parking lot, and the two cars narrowly avoided a collision.

Yu Lin frowned. The sports car over there rolled down its window first. Yan Wei was sitting in the passenger seat—unknown who was driving—and smiled looking this way. “It’s Yu Lin.” The driver, who had a crew cut, muttered, “Is he going drinking too?” Yan Wei said grinningly, “How is that possible,” and rolled the window up.

Yu Lin subconsciously followed for a while, speeding up several times when there were few people to intercept them. But that sports car drove like a loach; not only was it fast, but it was also daring. After tangling like this for seven or eight minutes, the two cars finally stopped.

This area was the famous bar street, where colorful neon tubes and dim streetlights melted into blurred blocks of color.

Yan Wei got out of the car, saw that Yu Lin had followed, and was stunned for a moment. Then he patted the driver next to him, “How’s my buddy’s driving? He used to drive buses, now he’s upgraded.” He looked at Yu Lin’s gloomy expression, somewhat confused. He chose a bar, walked to the door, and looked back at Yu Lin standing under the streetlight.

The driver shouted, “Brother Yan, let’s go.”

Yan Wei snapped back to reality and pulled open the door.

Yu Lin watched them go in, and his phone suddenly rang. Yan Xi called out from the other end, “Yu Lin.” Yu Lin responded in a low voice, “Mm, I know. Are you feeling better? Sorry, I’ll be back a bit late.” He followed and pushed open the door; the music inside was deafening. The lighting was very dim, with orange light shining up from under the glass surface of the curved bar counter. The bar was full of people playing with their cups, whispering to each other, or drinking alone. Behind the bar was a row of glass display cases, densely packed with wines of different vintages.

Looking closely, one would realize that those sitting together were either men with men or women with women.

Yu Lin’s brows furrowed even tighter. His gaze swept around a few times and found the driver first, sitting alone in a booth. Perhaps it was too dark, or he was just focused on drinking, but he didn’t notice anything unusual around him.

Yu Lin pushed through the crowd with his elbows and walked a few steps further in before finding Yan Wei at the other end of the bar. He squeezed in that direction and sat on the bar stool next to Yan Wei.

The bartender was placing two bottles of red wine on the rack. Seeing him, he smiled and struck up a conversation, “New face, sir. What would you like?” Yu Lin, with a dark face, said, “Fresh milk.”

He heard a snicker from beside him. Turning his head, he saw Yan Wei pretending to look nonchalantly in another direction, playing with the straw of his cocktail.

When the milk was served, Yu Lin swapped it with Yan Wei’s cocktail and pushed the cocktail further away, “You drink this.” Yan Wei’s eyes widened, “Why?”

Yu Lin’s tone was somewhat displeased, “Your health is not good.”

Yan Wei looked at the glass of milk in front of him, then looked at Yu Lin in confusion, his eyes gradually brightening.

He wanted to laugh but was afraid Yu Lin would see his hope. “You are so annoying.” Yu Lin had never heard Yan Wei speak like this. After a while, he said, “Is that so? You still have to drink it. After you finish, I’ll watch you go back.” Yan Wei rubbed the side of the glass until fingerprints were left on it, then picked it up and took a big gulp, wiping his mouth casually with his arm. He looked at Yu Lin, at the restless Yu Lin, and couldn’t help but probe, “Yu Lin, if I found a partner…” Yu Lin froze. “What?”

Yan Wei looked at Yu Lin without blinking, then suddenly laughed, “I want to find a partner, help me give some advice.” “Nonsense!”

Yu Lin sat there, but the temperature near him seemed to suddenly drop a few degrees.

Yan Wei chuckled, “What’s wrong?”

Veins popped out on the back of Yu Lin’s hand, “You know very well what kind of people you can find in a bar!” The bartender heard the noise and glanced over. Yan Wei called him, “Do me a favor.” As the bartender walked over, Yan Wei pointed at Yu Lin and asked with a smile, “Is there anyone here better than him?” The bartender looked at Yu Lin for a moment and smiled too, “Look over at the sofa, will that one do?” Yan Wei jumped off the bar stool and walked over there. Yu Lin seemed truly angry and stood up to follow closely.

The bartender smiled and said, “Sir, please pay the bill first.”

Yu Lin took a deep breath, lowered his head to take out his wallet, and found a large bill. The bartender returned it, “Do you have smaller change?” “Keep the change.”

The bartender smiled, “That won’t do, I can’t take extra, it’s the rule.” Yan Wei plopped down on the sofa and looked at the young man beside him. The man’s hair was extremely black, reflecting light in the darkness. Yan Wei reached into his pocket for his business card but couldn’t find it. After thinking for a moment, he extended his hand first, “Yan Wei.” The other party looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and shook his hand, “Allan.” Yan Wei looked at him for a while, a wicked smile on his lips, his eyes exceptionally bright, catching the scattered lights. “I’m very happy right now.” Allan raised an eyebrow. His chin was somewhat sharp, resembling Yu Lin. “Happy, why?” Yan Wei just smiled. The care Yu Lin showed was like a drop of honey on the tip of a knife; others wouldn’t understand even if he explained. He glanced back and asked with a smile, “Let’s go.” “Where to?”

Yan Wei shrugged, “Anywhere is fine. I just want to know if he will follow.” He said the second half of the sentence so lightly and quickly that Allan didn’t catch it clearly, but he actually followed him out.

The bartender rested his chin on his hand, “I said I only accept small change.”

Yu Lin glanced at him. It was no longer the look of a normal person, but rather like a madman about to snap.

He pushed the bartender aside. Just a moment ago, the two were talking and laughing, but now the sofa was empty. The bar switched to a heavy metal track that could almost shatter eardrums. More people squeezed into the shop, swaying to the rhythm of the music.

Yan Wei pulled the man out and looked back, seeing Yu Lin squeezing towards the door. Yan Wei’s eyes were filled with something sparkling. He suddenly hugged Allan and held him for a good while before letting go. Looking back again, Yu Lin was still standing there, seemingly stunned.

Yan Wei muttered, “Idiot.” Not knowing who he was scolding. He walked a few steps forward, “Do you have a car?” Allan took out his car keys from his pocket and pressed the unlock button; the lights of a sedan not far away flashed twice. Yan Wei walked over and opened the car door. Allan remained standing and asked him, “Are you playing me?” Yan Wei smiled, “Playing?”

Allan thought for a moment, raised an eyebrow, “Alright.”

Yu Lin finally squeezed out, the shop door swinging behind him. Yan Wei looked back to ensure Yu Lin was chasing, then closed the car door.

Allan’s driving skills were top-notch, and the car’s performance was remarkable—powerful engine, excellent sound insulation. After stepping on the gas pedal, it accelerated to 100 km/h in ten seconds, with the tachometer and speedometer soaring upwards.

Shifting gears and turning the steering wheel, the car drove directly from the parking area, about a centimeter higher, onto the road. The vibration was almost completely filtered out, clearly indicating a solid chassis.

Allan drove towards the highway, asking casually, “No one’s at my place, dare to go?” Yan Wei was silent for a moment, then smiled and said, “What’s there to be afraid of?” Allan whistled. Looking closely, he was probably three or four years younger than Yan Wei, at that wild and reckless age.

As they were speaking, Allan adjusted the rearview mirror, “Do you know the car behind us?” In the night, the black sedan followed them closely; Yu Lin’s pale face was faintly visible. Yan Wei looked at the rearview mirror and responded softly, “I know him, but he likes to pretend he doesn’t know me.” Allan raised an eyebrow and smiled, “His car is better than mine.” Seeing Yan Wei’s dismissive look, his smile deepened, “The S500 has eight cylinders, my engine only has six. His torque output is smoother and the power is greater.” Allan got excited as he spoke, “This makes it interesting.” Then he switched to SPORT mode. As soon as they hit the highway, the speed soared to over 160. When cornering fast, the car body tilted noticeably.

Yan Wei fumbled for a while, grabbed the seat handle, and started sweating on his forehead, but he gritted his teeth and endured it.

Allan laughed, “Open the window a bit, it feels great.”

As he spoke, he rolled the window down a crack. The wind noise in their ears suddenly became loud, the window vibrating as if to blow them bald. The force felt like it would shatter eardrums, making it impossible to hear what the person next to him was saying.

“Close it,” Yan Wei said suddenly.

Allan asked loudly, “What?”

Yan Wei hesitated for a moment. The cold sweat on his forehead increased, then was dried by the wind, feeling chilly. He had to shout, “Close, close the window. I’m a bit afraid of riding in cars, I don’t feel well.” Only then did Allan roll up the window, and the car became quiet again.

The speed, reaching its limit, seemed to have broken away from the inherent track of time. Yan Wei could hardly tell if they were speeding forward or being carried away by the rapidly passing streetscape, retreating quickly and helplessly.

The fear that had faded away all came back as the speed increased.

Allan turned the steering wheel, having no time to study his face. After a while, he suddenly complained, “Why is he still following?” Yan Wei forced himself to look away and checked the rearview mirror again. The Mercedes reappeared extremely close to them, faster now, driving recklessly. When overtaking, it almost grazed other cars’ mirrors.

Facing the black sedan that instantly tailed their taillights, Allan’s expression changed too. He was smiling, but his eyes were burning with fire.

Clearly, racing with someone who was nearly crazy was enough to make anyone’s blood boil. Allan floored the gas pedal and surged forward again. Fortunately, this car had powerful acceleration and precise steering, always avoiding collisions by a hair’s breadth during sharp turns.

Yan Wei covered his mouth, gripped the handle tightly, and pressed his whole body against the seat back.

In the rearview mirror, the car behind flashed dark red lights, like gum on a shoe sole, stuck fast and impossible to shake off.

The two cars, locked in this stalemate, exited the highway. Amidst denser traffic, the speed was forced down to around 120, which was still alarming on the road. Allan muttered something, then suddenly laughed loudly, “Got it!” At the intersection ahead, the yellow light flashed twice, about to turn red. Allan stepped on the gas and rushed to the other side. Almost simultaneously, the east-west traffic began to move.

Allan whistled, watching the Mercedes being blocked by the traffic flow. His palms were sweaty, and he wiped them on his knees with a smile. Just as he was about to slow down, he suddenly saw the black sedan burst out. Horns blared behind it as it swerved crookedly between vehicles braking urgently on both sides and rushed onto the safety island.

Allan couldn’t help but curse, “Psycho!”

Just as he was about to speed up again, Yan Wei suddenly said, “There’s an alley there, drive in…” Allan looked to the left, understood instantly, turned off the headlights, turned the wheel, and drove over quietly. After stopping steadily, he watched the sedan sweep past, tires screeching piercingly, kicking up a gust of wind. Allan panted for a while, then suddenly laughed. He turned to look at Yan Wei, reached out, and touched him suggestively, “What’s wrong, not feeling well?” Yan Wei was covered in sweat and shrank back when Allan touched him, “A little. I was hit by a car before, you drove too fast.” “What are you hiding from,” Allan touched Yan Wei’s crotch, using some force, thinking Yan Wei was shy, and laughed huskily, “No one can see.” He messed around for a bit, but Yan Wei was still soft there. Allan seemed dissatisfied, pushed the seat back, and readjusted his position. Yan Wei snapped out of it and blocked him with his hand, “I didn’t intend to…” Allan laughed instantly, “You and that guy don’t really have something going on, do you? He probably already has a partner.” Yan Wei stared at him for a while, and Allan laughed loudly, “Really? Look, you can’t be too serious in life, or you won’t have any fun.” He covered Yan Wei’s eyes with one hand and asked in a low voice, “How about you close your eyes and pretend I’m him.” He smiled and called Yan Wei’s name, “Yan Wei, Yan Wei? Try it?” Yan Wei suddenly leaned back against the seat, “Come on.”

Allan laughed as he rubbed Yan Wei’s treasure through his clothes, slowly pulling the zipper down, “Have you done this for anyone else?” Yan Wei’s breathing slowly quickened, “Yes.”

Allan took the thing out of Yan Wei’s underwear and stroked it. “When?” “Before, in the classroom, when no one was around.”

Allan laughed loudly, rubbed the head hard with his thumb, and stroked it quickly. Seeming to find it awkward, he stopped for a moment, spat into his palm a few times, and then started stroking again.

Yan Wei’s chest rose and fell, his whole body trembling. Allan used some force—one, two, three, four times. Yan Wei turned his face away, his fingernails digging hard into the leather of the seat.

Allan covered Yan Wei’s eyes with his hand, soothing Yan Wei’s unresponsive organ, “Don’t think about anything else, just pretend I’m him.” On the road, several dark red taillights drifted like leaves, license plates reflecting dark blue fluorescence. A few functioning streetlights, surrounded by swarms of insects, made soft sizzling sounds, casting even darker shadows onto the dim road.

In his pitch-black vision, Yan Wei used his imagination to paint a phantom:

His brows were deep, his eyes profound as the sea, his whole body wrapped in a cold current. When silent, he was like a hurricane or a whetstone; once he spoke, he could make dry eyes well up with uncontrollable warmth, making a tree bloom with transparent flowers.

Yan Wei whispered, “Still can’t do it.”

His face was wet, “It won’t work if it’s not him.”