Chapter 7#

Yan Wei remembered that the first time he went to Yu Lin’s house, the adults were not there.

The lock on Yu Lin’s room door was broken, so it could only be left ajar. Yan Wei hypocritically shouted that it was hot and took off his jacket, revealing a white tank top. His two biceps looked completely unreliable, but they were there when he flexed them hard.

His clean face when he was young, no matter how mischievously he smiled, was not annoying.

The two touched and kissed. Yan Wei was like an old bellows, panting heavily, his eyes rolling around, seemingly not knowing where to start nibbling. He wrapped his arms around Yu Lin’s neck, sticking like chewing gum on the sole of a shoe.

Yu Lin was calm. His clothes were wrinkled, but the buttons were still buttoned tightly. His eyelids drooped low, his eyelashes straight and long. Occasionally responding a few times could make one restless.

Yan Wei was like a boiling water stove, wanting to press Yu Lin down, but couldn’t move him.

In the friction, both had reactions. Yan Wei got tired of pushing, so he lay on Yu Lin’s shoulder socket and bit, leaving saliva marks one by one. Yu Lin’s hand slowly touched his tailbone, which was very itchy.

Yan Wei slapped him a few times and cursed lazily a few times.

Both were calculating their own affairs and almost didn’t hear the sound of the door opening. Yu’s mother called in the living room: “Little Lin?” They froze for a while before reacting. Yu Lin wanted to hide Yan Wei and covered him with a sheet, but it bulged up a big lump.

Stunned for a few seconds, they jumped off the bed separately. Yan Wei went to grab his jacket and tucked his shoes into his arms. Yu Lin had already opened the wardrobe door at this time, and Yan Wei bent over and climbed in.

Yu’s mother stood at the door: “Is there a guest?”

Yu Lin stood up, half blocking the door. That woman, who was no longer young, was still trying to peek through the gap.

“No. Mom, didn’t you say you were working overtime? Why did you come back early?” Yu’s mother laughed: “Oh, that’s because…”

Yan Wei hugged the pair of shoes, squatting in the cabinet piled with quilts and trousers. The hanging T-shirts softly pressed against his cheeks.

A sliver of light penetrated through the crack of the wardrobe. The smell of mothballs in the cabinet made one want to gasp for breath. He put on his jacket lightly. Just as he finished putting it on, he suddenly hiccuped.

Yu’s mother walked a few steps, turned her head, and muttered: “I heard a sound.” Yu Lin held her and whispered: “I have something to tell you.”

Unknown what method he used, he finally dragged the person away.

Half an hour later, Yu Lin half-opened the wardrobe door. Yan Wei covered his mouth, still hiccuping incessantly. He said intermittently: “How do I get out now?” They hugged each other silently.

Yan Wei smiled and said: “Blockhead, I’m fine. You’re hugging so tight, I can’t breathe.” Yan Xi’s illness came like a mountain falling. In half a month, his whole person was so thin that he was deformed. The sudden high-frequency hearing loss forced him to live with hearing aids. They changed to a big hospital, but the ward was not as clean as the original one, so the two rented a room nearby.

Yu Lin spoke less and less. More often, he just sat on the chair next to Yan Xi.

After Yan Xi’s daily routine check-up, he liked to sit in front of the simple piano, just sitting there, not touching the keys. He didn’t dare to touch them.

He had to turn his ear and listen to people with the side he could hear clearly. Yan Xi couldn’t leave Yu Lin, and now he couldn’t leave him even more. When they didn’t hold hands and walked one after another, Yan Xi looked up at Yu Lin, following him stumblingly like a toddler learning to walk, until Yu Lin stopped to wait for him.

Only when Yu Lin was there did his eyes have focus.

Cui Dong got transferred to this hospital as he wished. He also only recently learned that Yu Lin could cook.

Yu Lin made soup. Whatever the doctor said was good to eat, he would cook. He held a thermos full of soup and fed it spoon by spoon. Cui Dong watched from the side, “He’s not sick to the point of needing to be fed.” Yu Lin paused and put down the spoon.

Cui Dong put his hands in the pockets of his doctor’s robe and said in a light tone: “Taking too much care of him won’t do him any good.” Yu Lin looked at him quietly, “What do you mean.”

Yu Lin didn’t speak loudly, but Yan Xi heard it. He reached out his right hand and covered his hand, “Don’t be angry.” Only then did Yu Lin look away, scooped another spoonful, and brought it to Yan Xi’s mouth.

Cui Dong said “Heh”, and after a while snorted coldly again: “Heh, fine.” He took off his glasses and put them in his pocket, walking out of the consulting room in a few steps. Yu Lin turned a blind eye and continued to feed the thick soup.

Yan Xi looked at Yu Lin intently. Since his health deteriorated, Yu Lin had become his entire sustenance even more.

“Yu Lin, I can’t live without you.” Yan Xi’s hearing was poor, and he could never hear clearly how loud his voice was.

“I know.”

“Tonight, Dad asked us to have a meal.”

“Is it convenient for me to go?”

“Just treat it as accompanying me.” He knew what Yu Lin meant, but no matter how unpleasant the old man was, what could be done at this point.

It was a bit cold at night. Yu Lin brought a few more warm clothes, all piled in the car. Yan Xi changed to a behind-the-ear hearing aid, flesh-colored, almost invisible if not looked at carefully. Yu Lin knew that Yan Xi actually cared about this meal.

They drove the car into the iron gate and parked. Yu Lin got out first and opened the door for Yan Xi.

Under the illumination of the European-style retro wall lamp, the Chinese roses glowed dim yellow. Yan Xi walked in front, pressed the doorbell hard a few times, entered the house, and kicked the shoes he took off to the side.

Yu Lin wore a Versace gray-black stand-collar jacket. Under the jacket was a shirt with vertical fine stripes. The top two buttons were unbuttoned, revealing a section of the black turtleneck inside. No matter how casual the brand, he only looked gloomy wearing it.

The servant greeted at the door: “The master is on the third-floor balcony.”

Yan Xi didn’t hear clearly. Yu Lin repeated it again: “Third-floor balcony.” Yan Xi nodded then.

Yan Xi’s physical strength was much worse, and he rushed fast. When he got to the third floor, he was panting a bit. The third floor was paved with shiny beige marble, and the four doors leading to the balcony were tightly closed, white frames, about three meters high.

The doors were inlaid with arched, church-style stained glass. The lights were on on the balcony, illuminating the glass crystal clear.

Yan Xi walked very fast. He twisted the door open, pulled it, and shouted first: “Dad.” On the balcony was a round walnut dining table and a set of four carved chairs. Yan Xi was about to walk over, but suddenly froze. Yu Lin stood behind him, also as if nailed there.

Yan Fengxiang was composed, “What are you standing there looking at? Come over and sit.” Yan Wei sat next to him, feeling that the tie was a bit tight, making him breathless, so he lowered his head and loosened it himself.

“What is he doing here?” Yan Xi didn’t move. It took a long time for him to hear his own loud questioning voice clearly. He looked at Yan Wei, his body even trembling a little.

“Dad, what is he doing here!” He reached out a hand backward, subconsciously looking for Yu Lin.

Yu Lin remained silent until Yan Xi’s hand was about to grasp empty air, then silently reached out to hold it.

“I’ll say it again, sit down first.” Yan Fengxiang’s eyes became somewhat sharp.

Yu Lin pushed Yan Xi from behind, led him over, pulled out the chair, and gently pressed his shoulder to make him sit on the chair. He didn’t let go of Yan Xi’s hand until Yan Xi stopped trembling so badly.

Yan Fengxiang looked at them for a long time before sighing: “You sit too.” Yu Lin lowered his head slightly and responded lightly: “Yes.” He pulled out the chair and sat down sideways.

Yan Wei sat in the seat opposite Yu Lin. As soon as Yu Lin looked up, he saw him with his head lowered. In the hair whorl on the back of his head, some pale scalp was exposed.

Just at this time, Yan Fengxiang suddenly touched the back of Yan Wei’s head. That person was startled, maintained his original posture, and let Yan Fengxiang’s hand rest on it.

“This is Yan Wei. Yan Wei, that is your younger brother.”

Yan Xi’s hand wouldn’t stop shaking. He wanted to take the teacup next to him but knocked it over. The pink cup lid circled the Chinese rose just cut from the flower garden in the vase, spinning reluctantly on the table, making a crisp sound of porcelain. Yu Lin reached out and held it down, and the piercing noise stopped.

Yan Xi whispered: “Dad, I…” He behaved more like an insider. What made him fearful and anxious was not this secret he had known for a long time, but that others also knew.

Yu Lin remained silent, reaching out to hold Yan Xi’s trembling right hand. Yan Wei felt the weight on the top of his head lighten, slowly raised his head. At such a close distance, Yan Wei could even clearly see the furrowed lines between Yu Lin’s eyebrows.

“Congratulations.” Yu Lin actually smiled, even though he quickly returned to an indifferent expression.

He felt Yan Xi’s hand in his palm trembling again, so he used a little strength to hold it tighter, wanting to make him feel better. “You asked us to come over today. Is there anything else?” Yan Fengxiang looked at him for a while, surprisingly didn’t blame him for talking too much, lowered his head to take a sip of tea, and circled the cup rim with the tea lid. “Yu Lin, I taught you these things, not for you to use them to negotiate with me.” Yu Lin lowered his head again: “Yes.” He was indeed hateful sometimes. Even with his head lowered like this, he made people feel he was putting on airs arrogantly.

Yan Fengxiang didn’t look at him again. “Making money for a lifetime can’t compare to family affection. Yan Wei has suffered these years. I want to compensate him well.” Yan Wei was patted by him, only then did he wake up a bit, hesitantly moving his eyes away from Yu Lin.

The man said, pausing slightly: “He has been with me these days. He is smart and learns everything quickly.” Yan Xi suddenly stood up, hands supporting on the table, and said loudly: “He, he learns everything quickly? Yu Lin knows, ask him, his grades were terrible!” “Yan Xi.” Yu Lin tugged at him. Their held hands were also exposed to everyone as Yan Xi stood up.

Yu Lin thought for a while, looked directly at Yan Wei for the first time, “Don’t think too much, I didn’t tell him these things. You are living well, actually I am quite happy.” Yu Lin’s voice was not loud. Yan Xi frowned and looked at him, couldn’t hear clearly, so he became even more anxious.

“Yu Lin!” He shouted.

Yan Fengxiang put down the teacup, leaned on the back of the chair, and said after a long time: “Yan Xi, no matter what you think, regarding the heir, I will reconsider…” Yu Lin suddenly interrupted him. “Does the Chairman have to say these things at this time?” His voice was also light.

“Yu Lin…” Yan Wei called out in a low voice for the first time, only feeling his palms were full of sweat.

But Yu Lin’s gaze had already left his face, “You are a businessman. Your boldness and vision are all things I admire.” Yu Lin considered for a while, smiling indifferently, but with irony in his tone: “However, do you… know the date of Yan Xi’s surgery?” His fingers were crossed and placed on the table. “Two days later? Or three days later? You don’t know, not because we hid it, but because you never cared at all. Is this the family affection you talked about?” Yan Wei used to love Yu Lin’s protective look the most, only the person Yu Lin was looking after had changed.

Yan Xi, held by Yu Lin’s right hand, finally cried out, awkwardly wiping with his elbow.

Yan Fengxiang waited for them to leave before asking Yan Wei, who was sitting blankly aside: “That person, what do you think of him?” Yan Wei raised his head slightly, then quickly lowered it again, looking at the meal on the plate, “Mr. Yu? Oh, not familiar.” “He seems to be from the same high school as you…”

Yan Wei responded vaguely.

Yan Fengxiang nodded and also started to use the knife and fork, “He is the sales department manager.” Only then did Yan Wei come back to his senses, considered for a long time, and asked carefully: “Want to replace him?” That person laughed: “Whatever you think, tell Dad.” Yan Wei waited for a long time, then suddenly smiled bitterly: “Which file or plan doesn’t pass through his hands. If replaced, and others poach him, I’m afraid it won’t be good for the company.” “What else? It’s okay, just say it.”

Yan Wei wanted to pretend to be indifferent, but his eyes avoided first. “I, I don’t have any thoughts. Isn’t he doing quite well? Just don’t replace him.” Yu Lin extended his leave for a few more days.

Between Zone A and Zone B of the company, an overhead corridor connected them horizontally, sealed by transparent tempered glass on both sides. Yu Lin came out of the office, went onto the overhead corridor, holding a folder in one hand and putting the other in his suit pocket. Hearing someone call him, he looked back.

Yan Wei stood behind him, his face a bit haggard, but dressed smartly. For a moment, it was impossible to tell whether he was living well or not.

“Blockhead, you said yesterday Yan Xi is going to have surgery? What exactly is going on.” “Yan Wei?” Yu Lin seemed not to have thought it was him, maintaining a slightly sideways posture. He thought for a while before saying: “Alport syndrome. Although it is a genetic disease, the pathogenic gene is on the X chromosome. It was his mother who carried the disease, you will be fine.” Yan Wei listened, not knowing what it felt like in his heart, walked a few steps in his direction, “I haven’t heard of this disease, is it serious?” Yu Lin took half a step back, “Nothing serious, there is already a kidney source.” Yan Wei didn’t expect him to retreat, stunned for a moment, wanted to say a few polite words, but when he spoke, his voice was hoarse: “We haven’t seen each other… for quite a long time.” Yu Lin looked at him, not knowing what he was thinking.

Sunlight pierced through the glass on both sides of the overhead corridor, beams of light scattering in all directions. Yan Wei couldn’t see Yu Lin clearly. In this vast whiteness of light, a blurry silhouette.

As if afraid that if he walked further, he would be completely invisible, Yan Wei moved a few steps forward again, rubbing his eyes hard.

Yu Lin thought for a while and responded: “It has been quite a long time.”

It took Yan Wei a long time to think of something to say. “Yan Xi seems… quite, quite unhappy.” Yu Lin nodded, “Don’t worry, I will persuade him.” He raised his hand to look at his watch, then put it down, and said softly: “You know, whoever encounters this kind of thing won’t feel good.” “How about I go see him? I am his brother now, he is sick like this.” Yan Wei raked his hair. He had good intentions, but in this situation, whatever he said didn’t seem like good intentions.

“It’s okay, no need.” Yu Lin’s tone of refusal was also light.

“Why are you…” Yan Wei’s brows finally furrowed tightly, speaking fiercely: “Why do you have this attitude? Did I provoke you?” He grabbed his chest and walked a few steps forward, “When you guys were arrogant back then, I also felt bad. Do you feel that something that was an eyesore suddenly came out again, particularly hateful?” Yu Lin took another step back. Yan Wei seemed to have been slapped by someone, shouting: “Do you have to talk to me from so far away!” “Weiwei,” Yu Lin frowned, “We know each other, but there is no need to let Yan Fengxiang see it. The suffering Yan Xi has endured, I don’t want you to suffer along.” “What suffering has he endured!” Yan Wei laughed loudly, but his eyes were sore and painful, “He is doing fine!” Yu Lin looked at him expressionlessly, “Do you know aversion therapy? It is said to be effective for treating homosexuality. Provide same-sex nude photos and supplies, and after erection, use an electric shock device to shock, sometimes also use foul smells, emetics or respiratory suffocating agents, until fear of the same sex is felt. Actually, doing this doesn’t change anything. It’s the same no matter how long one is locked up.” Yu Lin put his hand back into his jacket pocket, “How many people are watching you? Don’t make a fool of yourself in front of them. Weiwei, just pretend you don’t know me.” Yan Wei couldn’t calm down to listen to him properly at all. Every sentence Yu Lin said, he wanted to refute. He wanted to shout too much, so he became incoherent: “You… only people like you would pretend not to know me. I can’t do it.” This overhead corridor was raised at a height of tens of meters, but underneath was empty, with no support. Yan Wei just supported himself on the glass with his hand, looked down, and saw the heavy traffic and neon lights turning below, but they shrank very small. His head felt dizzy, his legs went soft, and he swayed. Yu Lin seemed to have taken half a step forward, wanting to support him, probably his illusion again.

Yu Lin looked at him and suddenly said: “You feel uncomfortable?” His pupil color was very deep, black without a trace of light.

“It’s only been a few months. I lived like this for a few years, kneeling in front of your bed begging you to look at me one more time, begging you to smile, but getting no response. Couldn’t endure it anymore, then felt maybe tomorrow would be better. Everyone thought I was crazy. Waiting for a day that might not exist, almost forgetting who I was!” Yan Wei really seemed like he had been electrocuted, but his voice suddenly became small: “I don’t want to lie down either.” He saw Yu Lin’s shadow, stretched long, almost touching his feet. His own shadow seemed to avoid it, hiding backward.

Yu Lin’s voice was a bit blurry: “You couldn’t stand it for a few months, but left me there for eight years. What kind of thing is love? It changes when the heart changes. You really think there is forever. Maybe if it were you, you wouldn’t even be as good as me.” Yan Wei trembled all over, his voice almost inaudible: “I am different. Yu Lin, as long as you ask, I can… I can dig out my heart for you, I…” He lowered his head, tears falling on the ground, shouting: “I will let you know!” Yu Lin said in a low voice: “Go back.”

He walked a few steps forward, saw Yan Wei still standing there, and persuaded again: “Weiwei, be obedient, go back.” Yu Lin walked into that vast whiteness of light, his back view deep and invisible.

He knew clearly that he couldn’t go back.

Changed to another office, the smell of disinfectant was stronger. A pot of roses on the windowsill, placed in a sunny spot, had just sprouted buds. Cui Dong held a small pair of scissors, trimming carefully.

Flowers are such delicate things, needing fertilizer, sunlight, water; if left unattended, the leaves will wither and yellow. Love changes when the heart changes, but precisely because of its fragility, it needs human care even more.

The call from the head nurse was put on speaker by him: “Cui Dong, how long has it been since you performed a major surgery? Be steady.” Cui Dong cut off a scorched dead leaf with scissors, replying casually: “Don’t worry, I’ve been studying this case for almost nine years. Let me do it.” The head nurse laughed over there, seeming to have thought of something, “By the way, have you seen Yu Lin recently?” Cui Dong responded: “Accompanying every day, how could I not see him. He hasn’t lost his temper much recently, quite sober, but his words are becoming more and more unpleasant.” The head nurse nagged: “Watch him more. He came once not long ago and prescribed antidepressants from me.” Cui Dong stopped the scissors, and said after a long time: “How big are the side effects of that. Why didn’t you prescribe tranquilizers for him.” The head nurse’s voice was a bit small, seeming to be busy with other things at the same time: “I said so, but he wanted something more potent. Why are you still in the office? Has the kidney source been inserted with a gastroscope?” Only then did Cui Dong come back to his senses, putting the trimmed small flower back on the windowsill. “In a while, estimate it will be soon. The kidney removal surgery and the one we use here are not the same medical team. It’s fine if I go over later.” As he spoke, he was about to close the window when he suddenly saw a person crossing the hospital lawn downstairs. That person looked a bit like Yan Wei, but that outfit didn’t look much like Yan Wei.

Cui Dong happened to talk about a happy thing: “You know what? Found a better kidney source. The original one matched six points, only matched three points. I thought there were also experts in kidney transplantation with ABO incompatibility in the medical team. Yes, right, didn’t expect someone did a lymph matching yesterday, matched six points…” Yan Wei lay on the operating table. The anesthesiologist began to operate the equipment and walked over with an anesthesia mask.

Everyone has changed, only he remains blind, impulsive, childish. Holding passion in vain, without a bit of progress.

Yan Wei’s thoughts jumped everywhere, as if he was still standing on the dam with Yu Lin, watching the greasy seawater beating against the concrete, the sun rising red. He was suddenly a bit afraid, wanted to cry, but had no tears.

The anesthesiologist pressed the mask on his face for a while. Yan Wei’s eyelids trembled desperately. When it was removed, he gradually calmed down.

Cui Dong put on gloves and a mask in the sterile room and went in. Seeing the person on the operating table under general anesthesia having a gastric tube inserted from a distance, he walked over while putting on the sterile gown. When he saw the person’s face clearly, his feet suddenly stopped, “Can we pause for a moment?” The people next to him really stopped, looking at him like a monster.

Cui Dong spread his hands, not knowing what to say. After a long time, he said: “Wait, wait a moment.” The doctor continued to operate under the shadowless lamp. Cui Dong knew it was useless to say more, so he hurriedly walked back to the sterile room and said to the little nurse over there: “Do you have a mobile phone? Lend it to me.” The little nurse was scared, “Outside the door.”

“Bring it here, quick.”

Two minutes later, the nurse ran back. Cui Dong waved his hands repeatedly looking at the phone, “You dial for me, I’m wearing gloves.” The phone rang four or five times before connecting. Cui Dong said: “Hold it higher, hold it for me, higher, can’t hear.” Only when he heard Yu Lin’s voice clearly over there did he roar into the phone hurriedly: “What’s going on! Why is Yan Wei in there!” It suddenly became quiet over there. Cui Dong didn’t know if he heard clearly, so he roared again: “Did you provoke him again? Come over quickly!” He wanted to say more, but there was already a busy tone after the phone was hung up.

Cui Dong paced in the sterile room, watching the doctor over there pick up the scalpel, only feeling cold sweat flowing down from his forehead incessantly. Finally, there was the sound of a dispute at the door of the operating room: “Make way!” “Sir, you can’t go in during the surgery.”

“Make way! It’s a wonder if he matches! You guys make way!” The operating door began to shake, being kicked by someone with a force that almost shattered it.

Seeing no one paying attention to him, Cui Dong reached out and twisted the door open, letting Yu Lin in. That person was like a furious lion. It seemed the effect of the antidepressants was not satisfactory.

The doctors were at a loss. Most of them recognized Yu Lin, but no one dared to go over and stop him, “Sir, calm down. We drew blood and did tests. Blood type, lymph, and HLA matching are all very consistent.” Yan Wei on the operating table was still sleeping soundly. He had a gastric tube inserted, his face pale, without a trace of blood color. Yu Lin half-lifted him up, “Pull all these out!” Seeing no one listened to him, he couldn’t help but roar: “It’s a wonder if he matches! How did you do the full body check!” Cui Dong suddenly spoke: “Yu Lin, calm down! Don’t blame them. The kidney is changed, the blood system won’t change. The matching done with blood samples before was correct, but the kidney indeed doesn’t match…” Yu Lin half-hugged Yan Wei. The operating room was silent.

Cui Dong sighed. He knew better than anyone how unsuitable Yan Wei was for this surgery.

No matter how scarce organs were, no hospital would remove organs from a vegetative person for transplantation because the internal organs would have varying degrees of failure. Not long after the car accident, Yan Wei showed signs of failure in multiple organs throughout his body, with kidney failure being particularly severe. Should have given up, but that person insisted on matching.

When Cui Dong was still an intern, he stood quietly aside like this, watching Yu Lin and Yan Wei being pushed into the operating room at the same time. Through the glass, observing the removal and transplantation of the kidney and part of the liver.

Yu Lin actually loved him, just didn’t say it. Unless waiting until being disemboweled, cutting the skin open to look at the things inside, only then knowing what was left.

Cui Dong felt a bit cold. The most fearful thing in a person’s life is not owing a favor, but not knowing that one owes a favor.

“His kidney was given by me…”

If it weren’t for the rejection back then, how could he have been in a coma for so many years.