Chapter 5#

A warm front passed through, bringing torrential rain. Outside Yan Wei’s old house, the sound of the rain was loud and gentle, like the sound of tearing exercise books, rustling as it wet the wild vines. Water trails meandered on the window, one vertical, one horizontal, one washing away another.

The window frame had been rusty for a long time; no matter how hard one tried to close it, a crack would remain. Rain drifted in through the crack, gently hitting the cheek. Frogs croaked from some unknown hidden drain deep in the night.

Yan Wei turned up the brightness of the desk lamp. The desk had lost its red paint. He climbed onto it and struggled to pull the window bolt up.

Outside hung an oval moon. The road, just smoothed with cement, hadn’t dried yet, and pedestrians had left quite a few shoe prints on it. Beside the road was a wild field, full of brownish-yellow wild chrysanthemums blooming vigorously, with purple-red veins crawling chaotically.

“Little Lin.” Yan Wei called out. Yu Lin was standing outside the window, holding an umbrella, helping him pull open the iron window covered in red rust bit by bit.

Yan Wei propped himself on the table and climbed out awkwardly, hiding under the umbrella. “Go, go, I’ll take you to a good place.” Cheap rubber shoes stepped through the rough grass, getting soaked in a moment, but Yan Wei rushed faster and faster. Yu Lin’s umbrella couldn’t keep up with him, and the rain poured directly onto Yan Wei’s face, making it almost impossible to open his eyes. On the newly built cement avenue, the streetlights were a quiet orange-yellow, strung along the road like pearls, washed into blurry blocks of color by the rain curtain, flowing in the puddles.

The two walked hurriedly like this for more than twenty minutes and arrived at the reservoir. The screws on the iron railing of the dam were loose. Yan Wei still climbed on it, leaning half his body out.

The sluice gate was releasing water. The rain beat against the accumulated black turbulence. A layer of white foam and oil stains from factory wastewater floated on the water surface. Compared to the salty smell of seawater, the pungent, irritating odor was even more piercing, sticky and thick like a nightmare.

White water foam splashed, and the rustling sound of rain was incessant in their ears.

Yan Wei brushed the hair sticking to his forehead back with his hand. “Ah, look, look quickly!” In the layers of pitch-black rain clouds, a glimpse of the sun was seen.

The sound of rain suddenly quieted. In the scorching rays of light, it was dyed into thousands of golden threads. The morning sun burst forth, and the sky gradually brightened.

Yan Wei stared blankly for a long time. He pulled the schoolbag from his back to his chest, dug out a plastic bag, two meat buns, and shared one with each person.

Yu Lin switched the hand holding the umbrella and took a big bite; he was probably hungry too.

Yan Wei leaned close to his ear and whispered, “This is our secret base.” Yu Lin stared at him and nodded seriously.

“Pinky promise. In the future, we’ll go to even further places, just the two of us.” Yan Wei sat aside. Yu Lin seemed to have fallen asleep. Yan Wei couldn’t find a trace of drowsiness; he looked at Yu Lin in the darkness. Every time the train passed through a tunnel and the streetlights shone into the car window, he would subconsciously reach out to block the light for him.

That yellowed color was like passing through a golden candy wrapper. Even on a numb tongue, one could taste a tiny bit of sweetness.

Yu Lin didn’t know what he was dreaming about; his brows relaxed.

Yan Wei gently brushed away his bangs and looked at his beautifully shaped eyebrows.

Yu Lin was promising, understood the big picture, and was different from their group of troublemakers. Yan Wei had never been particular about anything; spiked shoes and towels could be used for years. But on this matter alone, he couldn’t compromise.

If it weren’t for holding Yu Lin in his heart, he would just be a hooligan seeking only to fill his stomach.

Someone squeezed past in the aisle. Yan Wei hurriedly hid his hand behind his back. Only after that person hurried past did he start to laugh silently. He thought about where to take Yu Lin after getting off the train, and where he had taken Yu Lin in the past. He sifted through it like a sieve, and it was all scattered trivial matters.

The creaking sound of the train changing tracks, and the occasional low coughs and snores in the carriage rose and fell. In this cradle-like trembling journey, they were shaken apart by the night wind into a quiet pantomime.

Yan Wei pulled the car window up, blocking the wind with his body, watching the scenery flashing by outside.

Unknown how long he waited, the sun climbed up from behind a distant earthen slope. On the wasteland overgrown with weeds, telephone poles stood one by one. The wires were like a musical staff, stretched straight. Among the yellow barnyard grass, a lush green small tree occasionally appeared, then stumbled backward out of sight.

When Yu Lin woke up, there was already a small cart full of snacks in the aisle. Yan Wei bought two cartons of milk, some sweetheart cakes, pineapple cakes, and potato chips. The two of them each held a pile.

Yan Wei left for a while to buy a supplementary ticket for Yu Lin. When he came back, Yu Lin had already torn open a box of pineapple cakes and was putting one in his mouth. Yan Wei leaned over. “How is it? Is it good?” He reached out and wiped the crumbs from the corner of Yu Lin’s mouth, causing Yu Lin’s eyelids to tremble. He said grinningly, “How come you’re eating all over the place.” Yu Lin blocked him with his hand, seemingly displeased, but his eyes didn’t look truly displeased. He said in a low voice, “Nonsense.” Yan Wei smiled, tilted his head to look at him, and reached out to wipe him again.

Yu Lin lowered his eyes. When he was cleaned up, he also reached out to tear open a pineapple cake and handed it to him, “Want some?” Yan Wei’s eyes were sparkling. He unconsciously wiped his hand on the corner of his clothes before reaching out to take it.

Yu Lin lowered his head to eat his own, occasionally turning his head to glance at Yan Wei. Although he was still quiet, it was now more introversion than depression.

When the train stopped steadily in another city, the two walked out of the platform. The various stalls in front of the station were a feast for the eyes. The iron barrels for roasting sweet potatoes were mostly rusty but emitted bursts of fragrance. Dozens of taxis lined up in a long queue, waiting for customers.

“Take a taxi?”

Hearing this, Yan Wei hugged the snacks and looked back at Yu Lin, “Let’s walk. We’ll stay wherever we walk to.” On the street, various motorcycles emitting black smoke accelerated with a chugging sound in the gaps between cars. They found a third-rate hotel. When registering names, Yan Wei leaned his elbows on the counter and said happily, “We are buddies, brothers, friends, old classmates.” Yu Lin stood three or four meters away from him. After a while, hearing the sound of keys, he reached out and caught them; it was Yan Wei throwing the room key to him. Yan Wei was still standing at the counter.

“I want a map. Which restaurant nearby is good? Are there any fun places, sister?” When they were still young, Yan Wei used to call everyone “sister” like this, coaxing them until they were dizzy.

Even at this time, meeting someone about his age, he would still address them like this if he wasn’t careful.

He asked around for a while, and the two entered the room and washed up simply. Yu Lin came out of the bathroom and saw Yan Wei looking through his wallet. He went up in a few steps and took it back.

Yan Wei glanced at him, “What are you doing? I’m not robbing you.”

Yu Lin lowered his head, pressing on the wallet, not knowing what he was afraid of.

After a while, he symbolically flipped through it in front of Yan Wei, “No, there’s nothing inside, just cards.” Yan Wei watched Yu Lin flip through it. After a while, he sneered, “Isn’t it just a photo?” Yu Lin’s face changed. He subconsciously opened it to look again. The photo of him and Yan Xi was placed in a conspicuous place in the interlayer. Only then did he come back to his senses, “You mean this?” Yan Wei seemed to have forgotten this episode. He jumped onto the bed and tried lying down, then turned over, sat up, turned on the TV, and pressed the remote randomly like a keyboard.

Yu Lin was left aside. His thumb unconsciously rubbed the leather of the wallet hard, as if wanting to touch the thing under the leather. He let go after a good while, his eyes looking elsewhere.

When it was time to eat, the two went out to find a restaurant. Yan Wei pondered and ordered a few side dishes, then handed the menu to Yu Lin to order. After urging a few times, Yu Lin pointed to a spicy crab dish.

Yan Wei asked the order taker, “Do you have crabs?”

The other side answered, “Yes.”

The two waited with empty stomachs for a while. Seeing spicy crab being served a few times, they thought it was for their table, but it wasn’t.

After half an hour, Yan Wei got a bit impatient. Every time a waiter walked past, he would grab them and ask.

Finally, the white rice and side dishes were all served, but the spicy crab was still nowhere to be seen.

Yan Wei’s face was black. He kept saying, “What kind of efficiency is this? Can’t even have a meal in peace.” Yu Lin frowned, not showing much empathy.

When that waiter passed by again, Yan Wei grabbed him and asked fiercely, “What’s going on with you guys? If it doesn’t come, we’ll cancel the order directly. Do you have crabs or not?” The young man nodded repeatedly, “Yes, of course.” He had been scared a few times and didn’t dare to come over here anymore.

Yu Lin lowered his head and drank tea, as if he didn’t mind how long he waited at all.

A few minutes later, someone finally came over.

“Sir, there is one crab left weighing one catty and two taels, and one weighing eight taels. Which one do you want?” “The eight taels one. There are just two of us.” He said, his tone a bit better, his eyes seeking Yu Lin’s opinion.

Yu Lin responded, and only then did a smile appear on Yan Wei’s face.

Yan Wei thought the dish would definitely be served this time. After waiting a while longer, the waiter walked over quickly. “Sir, I’m sorry, the eight taels one is gone. Is it okay to switch to the one catty and two taels one?” Yu Lin turned his head to the side. Yan Wei was already shouting, “What do you mean?” The waiter barely maintained a smile on his face: “The eight taels one was booked by someone earlier. The kitchen didn’t make it clear just now, so there was a misunderstanding.” People in the restaurant were already looking back at them. Yan Wei’s loud voice complained even louder: “No, what do you mean? We’ve been waiting here for almost an hour. When did he book it? Are you playing us?” Yu Lin interjected, “Forget it.”

Yan Wei glared at him. After a while, he said, “Fine, we’ll take the one catty and two taels one.” He paused for a moment and asked back, “It won’t be gone again later, will it?” “No, no.” The waiter seemed to have escaped a nightmare and walked away with a stiff smile.

Yan Wei drank several big mouthfuls of tea before laughing awkwardly, “Really, can’t even have a happy meal out. If they don’t have it again, I’ll flip the table and leave, won’t give them a cent.” Yu Lin didn’t answer. Yan Wei felt snubbed and shoveled a few mouthfuls of white rice into his mouth. They sat idly like this for quite a while longer. The manager over there came over, bowed properly first, and then said carefully, “I’m sorry, the spicy crab is out.” Yu Lin subconsciously went to press Yan Wei’s hand, but was pulled back by Yan Wei instead. He stood up abruptly, looking like an exploding firecracker. “Let’s go, blockhead, let’s go.” Yu Lin remained seated, looking disapproving.

The manager wanted to stop him but didn’t dare to use force, repeatedly persuading, “No, sir, please sit down and talk.” Yan Wei pulled Yu Lin a few times but couldn’t move him. He looked at Yu Lin with a face full of shock and anger. “No, didn’t you see they are bullying us too much? What are we still eating for? We’ll change places. Why pay the bill? I’d give it to them, but they wouldn’t have the face to take it.” Yu Lin said in a low voice, “You sit down first.”

Yan Wei shouted as if in disbelief, “You’re not angry? Waiting forty minutes for a dish. I wanted the eight taels one, they said it’s gone. I said, fine, the one catty and two taels one is fine too. They said that one is gone too! Isn’t this playing people? We asked him if there were crabs right at the beginning!” Yu Lin seemed to have never quarreled with anyone in a restaurant over food. No matter what, he couldn’t share the hatred. Instead, he said, “Just change the dish.” The manager seemed to see a savior and hurriedly walked to Yu Lin’s side. Hearing him order another dish, he turned and instructed the kitchen to make it. In a moment, the dish was served. Yan Wei was still standing by the table, staring.

Yu Lin picked up some food with chopsticks, looked at Yan Wei, and said in a low voice, “Sit down.” Yan Wei looked at him, “What do you mean?”

Yu Lin put down the chopsticks, paused, “What do you mean ‘what do you mean’?” He thought for a while, and his tone softened again, “It’s just a small matter. Making a big fuss is meaningless.” Yan Wei laughed, “You think I’m noisy, you think I’m embarrassing.” He took a breath, “Yes, you have a good temper, you are cultured, you disdain to argue with them. Clearly they are in the wrong, but you wouldn’t even say a word for me. Did I embarrass you?” Yan Wei looked at Yu Lin.

Yu Lin’s lips were slightly pursed. He picked up the chopsticks and put a few more mouthfuls into his mouth.

Yan Wei stared at him and laughed, “Only you are promising. I’m just a hooligan, how can I be worthy of you. I f*cking… wasn’t it, wasn’t it because I thought you liked to eat…” He paused, actually sat down, buried his head and ate voraciously, not saying another word.

Yu Lin had long lost his appetite.

The two almost came to blows over a meal. After paying the bill, they stayed far apart. When they arrived at the hotel, Yu Lin went up the stairs. At the turn, he stopped to look at Yan Wei and saw Yan Wei buying a case of beer at the counter. He sat on the stool at the hotel entrance, opened a can, drank a can. Yu Lin went down and grabbed him. “Stop drinking.” He tucked the case of beer under his arm. Yan Wei finished a can and went to get another, but found nothing. He looked for a long time before realizing Yu Lin was holding his treasure. He said fiercely, “Put it down for me.” “Drink upstairs.”

Yu Lin held the case of beer and walked a few steps upstairs, seeing Yan Wei really following him unsteadily. He closed the door, sat aside, and watched Yan Wei reach out to pull the ring of the beer can. He hooked it a few times but still couldn’t open it.

Yu Lin remained silent. When he spoke again, his voice was a bit hoarse, “Weiwei, let’s leave it at this. If we really spend two full days, we’ll quarrel even more.” With a snap, Yan Wei finally pulled the ring open.

Beer splashed out a bit, covering his hand. He didn’t know where to wipe it, so he just held it out. He sat on the edge of the bed like this. After a while, he slowly lay back, keeping his wrist steady so the wine wouldn’t spill, until his head sank into the pile of bedding. Only then did he take the can of beer, carefully bring it to his mouth, drink a sip, but spilled three sips onto his hair.

Yu Lin didn’t intend to guess how drunk he was, just waited quietly.

When that can was finished, Yan Wei closed his eyes and remained motionless.

Yu Lin looked at him. After waiting for a long time, thinking he was really fast asleep, he walked over, threw the beer can under the bed, simply wiped the water marks for him, and covered him with the quilt. Yan Wei suddenly said, “I really don’t understand why I used to think that you were just stubborn but hadn’t really changed your heart.” Yu Lin’s hand paused, then he continued to help him pull the quilt up. Yan Wei closed his eyes, “At that time, just woke up, hurting all over, and you came to scare me. Things happened one after another, I was confused. But as soon as I saw you, my heart settled. I felt you were still thinking of me. The look in your eyes was the same as before.” Yan Wei heard Yu Lin start to shake out his own quilt, quite forcefully, trying to prove how composed he was. Yan Wei laughed out loud, “I really thought you just wouldn’t admit it with your mouth, but in your heart, you missed me to death. Every time I came back late, you would sit on the sofa waiting… I really thought you f*cking still loved me.” Yan Wei suddenly punched the bed hard and cried hoarsely, “What kind of madness was I in!” Yu Lin had his back to him. Hearing the crying, he slowly turned his head. Yan Wei pulled the quilt up again, covering his face, wailing. Yu Lin just heard the muffled crying.

The hotel’s soundproofing was poor. The sound of motorcycle horns downstairs, the neighbor complaining about the noise, banging on the wall. In this tiny place, there were all kinds of noises.

Yu Lin stood there straight, feeling everything was blurry. He could only hear Yan Wei’s crying. Like when gently touching a mimosa pudica with a hand, no matter how noisy the surroundings were, one could only hear the sound of the leaves slowly closing.

“You are very good, really. I am the one who is wrong.” Yu Lin stood straight. He felt his throat was hoarse and couldn’t speak. He endured for a long time. Some water drops fell on Yan Wei’s sheet. He reached out to wipe them away. After a long time, his voice calmed down, “Forget me.” Yan Wei shrank under the sheet, pitch black, stifling hot. He heard Yu Lin say “Forget me” like it was nothing. He opened his eyes wide in the darkness. “Hey, Little Lin, how does that saying go? There is no grief greater than what?” Yu Lin’s straight body swayed slightly. “There is no grief greater than the death of the heart.” Yan Wei’s tears had just dried up, but surged out again. “I f*cking feel that it’s not the death of the heart.” From the afternoon until the next day, no one said what to eat. The two lay there like corpses, neither willing to say another word. They endured until dawn, then got up, empty-stomached, preparing to catch the noon train back.

After buying tickets, there was still some spare time. Yan Wei left the station alone, not knowing where he went. He came back just before departure and stuffed something into Yu Lin’s hand. It was a stack of photo stickers, one inch in size.

Yan Wei smiled and said, “Keep them.” He forced Yu Lin’s fingers together, making him hold those photos tight. “Don’t always keep one person’s photo in your wallet. Switch them out, haha, how stylish.” He paused, “I’m joking.” He held Yu Lin’s hand tight, “Keep it safe, as a souvenir.” Yu Lin’s hand finally tightened.

Yu Lin got on the train. Yan Wei looked at him from below, “What do you want to eat? Want some fried peanuts?” There were snacks for sale nearby, right by the pillar on the platform.

Yu Lin said, “Come up.”

Yan Wei nodded, then waved his hand, “I’d better buy you something to eat first. Wait.” He went to buy half a catty of candy. From the crack in the car window, he looked up, stood on tiptoe, and handed it in.

Yu Lin looked at him. Yan Wei smiled somewhat shyly, “Eat when you are hungry.” Yu Lin nodded and heard the train whistle. “Get on the train.” Yan Wei looked up at him, “I’m fine by myself, anywhere is fine.” Yu Lin hadn’t spoken for a long time, “I’m worried about you.”

Yan Wei laughed, “I don’t like to hear that.” He looked away, “Don’t always look at me with that look, I always misunderstand.” Yu Lin felt pain in his chest, couldn’t say which side hurt. He felt in his pocket. Besides the wallet, there was also a rectangular envelope. Unknown how long it had been stuffed there, even the corners of the envelope were curled.

Yu Lin took out the envelope. The wheels moved. Only then did he hand it to Yan Wei from the window, “Your ID card, I kept forgetting to give it to you.” Yan Wei responded, trotted, reached out and took it, “Leaving now?” Yu Lin’s window was suddenly a few meters away from him. He couldn’t help but run a few steps forward.

Yu Lin looked at him and called out, “Weiwei…”

Yan Wei followed for a few steps, then subconsciously stopped, one hand in his trouser pocket, the other waving perfunctorily.

Yu Lin only had time to call his name once. When a person wants to hold on to something, Heaven always has a way to grind them down until they let go.

The woods outside the villa were already half bald. The ground was covered with golden-dyed ginkgo leaves, and leaves were still rustling down from the trees. The mountain wind blew against the ears, and the sound of the piano inside was faint.

That Fantaisie-Impromptu had entered its final stage. After the flowing, intense passion, only melancholy and anxiety remained. Fugui squatted on the small blanket opposite, licking the place where fur was shedding, tail occasionally swaying.

After a long time, the muffled sound of the piano lid being put down was heard. Yan Xi walked towards the study barefoot. The proposal Yu Lin was in charge of had been undergoing intermittent revisions, keeping him busy until late every night. Seeing Yan Xi come in, he pinched the bridge of his nose and slowly leaned back in his chair.

“Is it good? Won’t you praise me?”

Yu Lin nodded, “Good.” His clothes were still clean and well-ironed, but there were dark shadows under his eyes, making him look a bit gloomy.

Yan Xi held a large photo album in his left hand. Waiting for Fugui to get off him and curl up in the corner of the recliner, he handed it to Yu Lin.

“Here, the things you put in the drawer. I put them in the photo album so they won’t get lost easily.” Yu Lin was stunned. He took it and flipped through it. Inside were the photo stickers Yan Wei had hastily taken, showing happiness, anger, sorrow, and joy. He closed the album, not knowing what to say. After a while, he asked, “You’re not angry?” Yan Xi chuckled.

Yu Lin looked at him, eyelids slightly lowered. “You are always accommodating me.”

Yan Xi took the coffee Yu Lin had placed on the desk, tasted a sip, stuck out his tongue, stretched, and suddenly smiled, “Do you love me more now?” Yu Lin was actually amused and smiled.

Yan Xi said after a while, “The old man said you lost your temper again this morning.” Yu Lin did not deny it, but his eyes looked elsewhere. The laughter of children came faintly from the distance. In the season of falling ginkgo leaves, they closed their eyes, let go of the bicycle handlebars, and slid down the slope one after another. As if earning the fearful gazes of passersby was also one of their pleasures.

This reminded him of Yan Wei. Yan Wei had said, “You can’t bear to part with me.” Before dark, the secretary handed the final draft sent by Yu Lin to Yan Fengxiang for review. The man just glanced at it a few times and signed his name. The secretary took the proposal and flattered, “The President is in a good mood today.” Yan Fengxiang did not deny it. His attention remained on the document bag aside, which contained a few old photos and report cards. After a while, he pointed to the photo frame on the bookshelf, “Remember that woman?” The secretary looked in the direction he pointed. The photo in the silver frame was slightly yellowed. “I remember, it’s always been there.” Yan Fengxiang looked there and smiled, “She left early. I only found out today that she also gave birth to a son for me.” Fu Kang Hospital was still the same. A pool full of moss, a pond of lazy goldfish.

Cui Dong waited at the staircase. Seeing Yu Lin coming down from upstairs, he asked in a low voice, “How is Yan Xi?” Yu Lin said after a long while, “Hearing loss in the right ear, still doing checks.” Cui Dong clenched his fist and gently punched the railing. “Look on the bright side, this day would come sooner or later.” His own expression, however, didn’t look like he had looked on the bright side. Just as he was about to go upstairs, he suddenly thought of something and turned to say to Yu Lin, “Are you okay, kid? If there’s anything unhappy, you can complain to me now.” Yu Lin’s face darkened. “I have things to do.”

Cui Dong gave him a push and laughed loudly, “Don’t be polite with me!” He dragged Yu Lin all the way into his office and pressed him into a chair, “Work, love, making friends, anything is fine.” Yu Lin’s eyes were deep enough to make one’s heart palpitate. “What do you want to hear?” “Don’t be angry,” Cui Dong made a gesture of surrender, “Acting like you ate gunpowder all day. Look at you, keeping everything inside, be careful not to get sick.” Yu Lin lowered his head, covered his mouth and nose with both hands, took a few deep breaths, and then stood up.

“Hey,” Cui Dong stood up following him, “Although I am a surgeon, regarding your affairs, what I know and see is after all more than others. Yu Lin, I know you have something on your mind.” He asked in a low voice, “Do you really love him?”