Chapter 85#

Someone was saying something up ahead. Fu Jinchi sat on the bench, leaning back, and probably had a dream.

Because he saw himself as a child.

In the dream, he was perhaps four or five years old, sitting eagerly at the table. His mother had prepared a big meal and placed it on the dining table, covered with plates, but the aroma still wafted out. It was already very late, and he was hungry, but he understood that it wasn’t time to eat yet.

Because Uncle Qiu had notified them in advance that his father would come over, and his mother insisted on waiting for his father to arrive before starting the meal.

When he was young, Fu Jinchi thought that everyone’s life in this world was the same as his. His mother took care of him meticulously, but his father only appeared occasionally. In his consciousness, his mother was afraid of his father, and later he understood that there were many kinds of fear.

His mother’s “fear” seemed to be the kind of trepidation of fearing falling out of favor and being abandoned.

After all, her world was entirely built on a hard-hearted man.

And she was just a small part of that man’s life used for adjustment.

It sounded unfair.

The problem is, why do people think the world is fair?

Why have such an idea?

Is unfairness worth so much surprise?

When five-year-old Fu Jinchi went to the vegetable market with his mother to buy vegetables, on their way back, a graceful and luxurious woman stepped out of a luxury car, stopped them on the street with an aggressive attitude, and humiliated them. Passers-by looked sideways and cast contemptuous glances.

Almost right there and then, Fu Jinchi understood from the gossip why the status of the two people was completely unequal.

Because that woman was the legitimate Mrs. Fu, and his mother was just a mistress who couldn’t be shown in public.

In the car from which Mrs. Fu stepped out, a little boy in the back seat was lying on the car window looking out.

Very small, like a little snowball, but for some reason, Fu Jinchi instinctively hated him.

Mrs. Fu spat at the mother and son for the last time. When she turned back, she opened the car door, and the snowball reached out to pounce on her.

Afraid that the little snowball would fall out, she hurriedly held him in her arms.

At this time, Fu Jinchi didn’t know that he was his brother by blood.

The two children of the neighbor’s family would ask for fairness if treated differently by their parents; the rich wife and her husband played separately outside and would also talk about fairness when quarreling. But Fu Jinchi wouldn’t. His mother lived subserviently and also suppressed him, letting him know that his origin was inferior to others, inferior to the child brought by Mrs. Fu, and there was no fairness to speak of.

Life is originally an arduous journey, and disappointment is the norm.

It was strange to say that he showed signs of early maturity. Without adults specifically teaching anything, he could understand many things without a teacher, and even complain to Fu Zhizhang without being taught: “That auntie said you are an old turtle (cuckold). What does old turtle mean?”

He described the auntie who got out of the luxury car with the snowball.

“She said that when she came?” Fu Zhizhang’s face was a bit gloomy.

“Yes.” Fu Jinchi said sitting in his arms, “She also said she made you wear a green hat. What does green hat mean?”

Fu Jinchi didn’t know what kind of result his words would produce with Fu Zhizhang, and there was no way to verify it. But actually, Mrs. Fu’s insults to the mother and son didn’t include these—which legitimate wife would curse these things in front of a mistress?

These were the words the neighbor’s rich wife used when quarreling with her husband. Fu Jinchi knew they didn’t mean anything good, so he used them.

Besides intelligence, in terms of doing bad things, Fu Jinchi seemed to have opened his mind equally early.

No one taught him these things. On the contrary, his mother always taught him to be well-behaved to please his father.

Unfortunately, Fu Jinchi couldn’t behave himself as his mother expected. He only inherited his appearance from his mother. The rebelliousness and innate cunning in his character were more like Fu Zhizhang’s shadow.

Even though five-year-old Fu Jinchi was precocious, that kind of immature acting couldn’t always fool Fu Zhizhang. The premise for people to believe children is that they think children are innocent and can’t lie, but Fu Zhizhang would gradually discover that this illegitimate son’s character had nothing to do with innocence.

Fu Jinchi was sometimes profound and shrewd, completely inconsistent with his age.

Maybe only his own mother believed he was well-behaved and innocent.

Fortunately, men always like children who resemble themselves, and Fu Zhizhang was no complete exception.

By the age of ten, Fu Jinchi could already vaguely understand that he was valued by Fu Zhizhang precisely because of the restless impulse in his heart and his deliberate imitation of Fu Zhizhang’s behavior.

Of course, Fu Jinchi had no affection for Fu Zhizhang, but just found it profitable.

The other party seemed happy to see him possess this trait, so he acted whatever the other party loved to see, that’s all.

But Fu Zhizhang’s regard wasn’t anything valuable. The illegitimate son he valued was still an illegitimate son.

Fu Jinchi and his mother didn’t live any better because of this. Mrs. Fu still sent people to cause trouble from time to time, intimidating and threatening. This harassment intensified after Fu Zhizhang decided to acknowledge him back home.

People chatting in the Fu family’s old mansion said that her maiden family’s power ran deep. Fu Jinchi heard it. He had no direct concept of this power, only remembering that Mrs. Fu once pointed at the mother and son and said personally, “Crushing you to death is like crushing two ants.”

With a background like hers, it was probably indeed easy to deal with a mother and son with no backing.

At the very beginning, she didn’t do this because of Fu Zhizhang. In the later years, everyone secretly said that her maiden family had declined, getting worse day by day. Probably having done too many bad things, retribution would come one day, so she didn’t dare to be so blatant anymore.

But even so, she still had many insidious methods, harassing people to the point of neurasthenia, and calling the police was of little use.

Someone would splash paint on their door, lock the gate from the outside, make terrifying noises in the middle of the night…

Ten-year-old Fu Jinchi might still have no way to deal with this, but at fifteen, he knew how to wire and install cameras himself, waiting for the prey sleeplessly all night, and when someone came to harass, he would act first by pouring red paint mixed with superglue from upstairs.

When lucky, he once even blocked the hooligans who came to harass in a dark alley. The result of the fight was that he fought two alone and didn’t fall into a disadvantage. He was injured on his body and face, but the other party was more miserable. Fu Jinchi realized the importance of fists very early, and being at an age full of vigor, he was rich in fighting experience and skills. Fortunately, he wasn’t stupid, and withdrew before attracting passers-by to call the police.

Besides the pleasure of successful revenge, this kind of hunting-like activity gave him a thrill of excitement every time he succeeded.

But his timid mother was always frightened, worrying sleeplessly all night.

Perhaps the saying that character makes destiny makes sense. It’s hard to imagine how such a conservative and cowardly woman could have a mother-son relationship with a naturally bad seed like him.

Fu Jinchi once tried to make her happy, but she couldn’t live a little easier no matter what, always forcing herself to show a gentle smile. That disguised happiness was the expression Fu Jinchi least wanted to see.

When he found he couldn’t solve this problem, he decided to continue going his own way.

His mother couldn’t do anything about him either.

Adolescent Fu Jinchi would also fight with people personally. Every time he went back to the old mansion and encountered abuse and provocation from peers, he hit people, and the other party gained no advantage, but he would also be punished. Fu Jinchi quickly concluded that this wouldn’t work.

Tracing back to the source, the instigator behind all this was Mrs. Fu, and she cared about only one person, Fu Weishan.

Fu Jinchi didn’t have many opportunities for long-term contact with Fu Weishan, but that didn’t mean there was no short-term contact.

Not knowing what Fu Zhizhang was thinking, sometimes he would deliberately arrange opportunities for the two sons to interact, such as letting them take equestrian lessons together.

This might be half charity to Fu Jinchi, and half stimulation to Fu Weishan, creating a little reasonable sense of crisis for him.

Fu Weishan naturally looked at Fu Jinchi with mutual dislike.

At this age, Fu Jinchi seemed to have lit up a skill without a teacher again, smilingly getting along well with Fu Weishan.

Equestrianism is a noble sport, but also a competitive and dangerous sport where injuries are common.

In their class, they started practicing with ponies first. Later in the advanced course, the coach tried to arrange a difficult-to-tame fierce horse for Fu Jinchi, but he overheard the conversation between two coaches and pretended to be greedy and jealous to actively fight for it.

In the end, that expensive fierce horse was taken a fancy to and snatched by Fu Weishan, who sat on its back.

After Fu Weishan broke his leg, the two never took equestrian lessons together again.

Fu Jinchi guessed that Mrs. Fu would probably hate him even more, but he also fell in love with this feeling of advanced hunting.

Fists are necessary, but using fists personally is the most elementary and least fulfilling thing.

Naturally crazy people seem to lack the nerve of fear.

Therefore, Fu Jinchi had done many things that could be called outrageous.

As for those so-called cousins, in order to catch hold of their handles, Fu Jinchi even personally dressed as a waiter, mixed into the entertainment venues they often frequented, and secretly filmed scenes of them fooling around with women. Actually, at that time, he hadn’t thought about what role these things could play. The internet wasn’t as developed as it is now. What next after filming? How could he ruin their reputations?

However, the first time he did this kind of thing, he wasn’t skilled enough and was caught before walking out the door.

It was going smoothly all the way, but at the back door, there was a charming woman in a shiny red dress with bright red lips. She was the owner of this nightclub and recognized at a glance that the tall young man in front of her was not her real employee.

This woman called herself “Sister Hong”. She took Fu Jinchi to her room.

In that office with romantic lighting, Fu Jinchi didn’t panic, nor was she angry. The two negotiated.

Sister Hong even pointed out a way for him: If he was willing to go to a competitor’s venue to film such things and catch evidence of his cousins’ monetary transactions with women, she could help him send them to the detention center in disgrace.

Fu Jinchi felt it was acceptable; this was a win-win for both of them.

Sister Hong was a tough businesswoman, but notorious—if outsiders wanted to slander a woman, especially a wealthy and powerful woman, starting with her lifestyle was the easiest—she liked to keep handsome young men.

In those two or three years, Fu Jinchi continued to do a lot of things for Sister Hong and figured out how to cooperate with cunning adults. He had grown up. When he followed Sister Hong wearing sunglasses to hide his identity, many people thought he was Sister Hong’s new kept favorite.

Later, Sister Hong confessed to Fu Jinchi that she once had the idea of keeping him, but later dispelled this thought herself.

“I like little wolf dogs, not vicious wolves.” This was Sister Hong’s original words, “I don’t want to be bitten suddenly!”

But Sister Hong was indeed an okay partner and a qualified teacher. She taught Fu Jinchi a lot, such as keeping promises and unscrupulous means can go hand in hand, and when in a weak position, being humble and relying on others’ power is not shameful.

Also, as long as you don’t care yourself, reputation is the least important thing.

People can have a relationship of both cooperation and utilization. Fu Jinchi gradually realized that his reliance was not limited to Fu Zhizhang.

He not only earned his first pot of gold from Sister Hong but also learned how to do business, and contributed a lot of tuition fees to Sister Hong.

His courage seemed to grow bigger and bigger, and he gradually lived like a fish in water in the cracks. But at that time, Fu Jinchi was still too young. An ambitious male always wanted to get more and climb higher. He thought that was the way out.

However, only in the relationship with his mother, this tightrope-walking attitude towards life only deepened the estrangement between them.

His mother was the only person Fu Jinchi couldn’t handle.

His mother was always worried. Whether Fu Jinchi was bullied when he was a child, or fought with others when he was fourteen or fifteen, or went home wearing brand-name clothes given by who knows who when he was seventeen or eighteen, she would pester him with endless questions, yet couldn’t say what she wanted to do.

This eternally depressed attitude finally made Fu Jinchi unable to bear it one day.

By the way, the clothes were actually given to him by Sister Hong, and later Fu Jinchi learned to choose them himself.

Sister Hong suggested to him that even if he had to beg for pity from others, it was best to dress himself up brightly at any cost. This is armor. Although this may not make others look up to you, if you don’t package yourself without hypocrisy, you probably won’t even be able to step over the other party’s threshold.

Actually, what Sister Hong said was not unreasonable.

But his mother was a person completely opposite to Sister Hong and couldn’t understand that set of strange theories. She grew up in a closed small fishing village before, living a hard life. The material conditions at home always prioritized satisfying men, and extravagance and waste were not approved.

Later she walked out of the village to work in the dazzling world outside. Even when singing on stage, she wore those very cheap shiny performance costumes, which just couldn’t cover up her youthful beauty and could still attract men’s attention.

Fu Jinchi occasionally hoped that his mother could have a bit of Sister Hong’s boldness, even a little bit would do.

Helplessly, she just couldn’t do it.

When he was a child, he asked his mother if they could leave here and live somewhere else. She said, “Dad is here, you don’t understand.” When he grew up, he persuaded her to leave Fu Zhizhang, but she remained so stubborn, as if her son was not as important as a man.

Finally, Fu Jinchi said: “Then leave me alone. If you hadn’t given birth to me, I wouldn’t be living this kind of life.”

He only said such words once during his rebellious period. At that time, the expression on his mother’s face was full of shock and hurt. He felt it was pointless and never said it again. But he never apologized for it later either.

However, growing up, the mother and son also had warm moments like ordinary families. When Fu Jinchi got a small red flower from the teacher, ranked first in the grade in school, or got tired of holding medals at the sports meeting, she would happily cook a big meal to reward the child.

When Fu Jinchi grew to a certain age, what should come always came. With his appearance, it was easy to attract bees and butterflies. His mother sometimes asked him if there was a girl he liked at school. He just looked at her calmly: “I don’t like women.”

Spoken as a matter of course, his mother’s expression looked hurt again.

But in fact, even if it was men, he couldn’t say he had “liked” anyone.

It was Fu Jinchi who once, on a whim in Fu Zhizhang’s venue, helped a waiter who was being bullied out of a predicament. That waiter had delicate features and later stuck to him, chased him, and over time, even Fu Jinchi was moved.

Fu Jinchi treated him very well and helped him repeatedly. The two seemed only one step away from mutual understanding.

Suddenly one day, the waiter laid his cards on the table to him. He was a Money Boy (MB) arranged by Mrs. Fu, just starting out. Mrs. Fu promised that as long as he could hook up with Fu Jinchi, she would give him one million. But the waiter was still green, and the fake acting turned real; he really fell for him.

At the last moment, the waiter regretted it and hoped they could start this relationship seriously.

Fu Jinchi listened without changing his expression. The waiter looked up at him apprehensively, finding no trace of surprise on his face.

The two stood behind the partition where beer was stacked in the bar. The light was dim, but Fu Jinchi revealed a grim smile: “Okay, I was waiting for this moment.” With one hand in his pocket, he took out a voice recorder with the other, “Is the feeling of being betrayed fun?”

The other party took a step back, tripped, and sat on the ground, his face ashen.

However, the MB was lucky. Fu Jinchi didn’t hand this recording to Mrs. Fu later, thinking it was also pointless.

Maybe because the other party looked too weak and wasn’t challenging for him.

What made him find interesting was that Mrs. Fu still didn’t tire of this trick, and later stuffed more people around him.

Some wanted to seduce him like this, some pretended to ally with him and stand on his side. Fu Jinchi was keen on finding them, seeing through them, dealing with them perfunctorily, and then framing the other party mercilessly, kicking them off the boat with one foot.

Fu Jinchi regarded this as a new hunting game, which was exciting enough for him.

The opportunity that really made Fu Jinchi tired of this confrontation later was the depression his mother suffered from at some point. One point Fu Jinchi was unwilling to face was whether there were causes created by him. The doctor could only instruct the family member, that is, Fu Jinchi, to let her take medicine on time and give her more care. Fu Jinchi did change his attitude towards her, restrained his temper, and gave her meticulous care.

Come to think of it, his mother committed suicide by jumping into the sea before. Years later, his lover fell from a boat into the sea with life or death unknown. But for Fu Jinchi, the difference between the two lay in that he felt extra anger towards the former, because in the days before his mother passed away, she behaved as if she had recovered health and happiness, and even said that after he graduated from university, she would leave Dongcheng with him to retire.

Fu Jinchi thought this was the only time he was successfully betrayed.

Besides sadness, his heart was also occupied by unspoken numbness and exhaustion, like a thick layer of grease.

It was utterly boring.

Later, Fu Zhizhang didn’t appear for various funeral matters—when the mistress was alive, he could still come to enjoy the feeling of being immersed in a gentle land, but what would he come for when she passed away? However, whether it was Uncle Qiu’s help or Mrs. Fu’s making things difficult, Fu Jinchi didn’t care much anymore. Only the boiling anger in his heart with nowhere to vent made him decide that everyone might as well have a hard time in the future.

At this point, Fu Jinchi woke up. He realized that he had indeed fallen asleep just now.

At this time he heard someone reading in front: “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”

Fu Jinchi remembered that the stage of making someone have a hard time had passed, and Fu Weishan was in jail.

He and Yan Zishu had just entered the new year and planned to leave for the mainland to live. Before that, Yan Zishu wanted to go up the mountain to say hello to the staff he knew in the monastery. Fu Jinchi followed him and waited for him on the bench in the chapel.

At this moment, a young priest was practicing the Sunday sermon on the podium.

Fu Jinchi didn’t want to disturb him, so he quietly walked out of the gate. The morning air and sunshine both had a fresh smell.

Yan Zishu happened to come out of the building, saw him standing outside, and greeted him with a smile.

Yan Zishu wore silver-rimmed glasses and a light gray casual suit. He stood straight, walked evenly, and had an intellectual and gentle temperament.

They maintained social distance so as not to offend others’ taboos in this place, until halfway through, they quietly held hands.

Fu Jinchi said with a casual smile: “Seeing you walk out just now reminded me of the first time I saw you.”

“Starting to reminisce about the past already?” Yan Zishu smiled, “What was it like?”

“Also wearing a suit of this color, so serious, not even smiling.” Fu Jinchi automatically excluded Fu Weishan, “But it looked good, very suitable for you. I wanted to trick you into bed at that time, to see if you would have an expression when you took off your clothes.”

Yan Zishu was about to respond to his harassment when he suddenly stopped and said “Eh”: “I lost my tie clip.”

He touched his tie, and sure enough, it was empty.

“It should have been there when we went up the mountain.” Yan Zishu frowned slightly, somewhat distressed.

“Maybe it fell somewhere just now.” Fu Jinchi looked at the way they came, “Want to look for it? or buy a new one later?”

“Let’s look for it first. You just bought this a while ago.” Yan Zishu felt slightly regretful.

The words “you bought it” probably pleased Fu Jinchi. He turned back and walked two steps as told, but Yan Zishu didn’t follow.

Fu Jinchi turned his head not surprisingly. Yan Zishu still stood in place, looking at him quietly with a smile, a smile like the bright moon rising. Meeting Fu Jinchi’s gaze, he raised his hand to signal, a silver tie clip clamped between his fingers.

“See, it’s also very easy for me to trick you.”

Fu Jinchi nodded: “Indeed.”

After all, it was willing.

Pinning the tie clip back on, the two continued to walk down the mountain side by side.

*

The things in the sanatorium were actually almost packed, and Yan Zishu had already got his pass.

He no longer let Fu Jinchi control the whole situation, but participated in the subsequent planning. The two would settle in Rongcheng first, see the doctor Fu Jinchi had made an appointment with, and then go back to Dongcheng together. After all, there were still things to be settled more or less.

According to Yan Zishu’s intention, Fu Jinchi grew up in Dongcheng and his foundation was also here. As long as he wanted, he could still come back to settle down in the future.

But he also had some selfish motives. He always felt that Fu Jinchi lived in a very bad state in the past. Now that he had let go of past grievances, living in Rongcheng for two years and changing the environment for a while would also be a good thing.

When a person is lonely, they wish they could be a workaholic for a lifetime. After becoming two people, Yan Zishu suddenly had an extra layer of responsibility on his shoulders. He seemed obligated to first reflect on his attitude towards life, and then give his partner a better life.

Otherwise, could he count on another even more unreliable person?

As a person in a melodramatic novel, the things experienced in the past cannot be changed, sadness and disappointment cannot be changed. But Fu Jinchi, having left the center of the storm, might be changed by a mediocre and gentle life into a mediocre and gentle person in the future. He might no longer live so vigorously and magnificently, but Yan Zishu was ultimately also very selfish; he didn’t need Fu Jinchi to live like that.

Fu Jinchi could not change his personality and temper, and Yan Zishu was happy to spoil him. But in the days to come, being an ordinary person would be fine, gradually forgetting the seemingly charming villain halo piled up at the cost of pain and misfortune.

Of course, since the conditions existed, Yan Zishu was still rational and pragmatic. It would be better to be an ordinary rich man.

He hoped Fu Jinchi could wear his crown high above.

After all, Fu Jinchi was so proud inside, he certainly couldn’t accept falling into the dust.

Yan Zishu had his own ambitions, and would also stand firmly behind him.

He didn’t recklessly agree to transfer all the other party’s assets to his name, but he could freely inquire about all of Fu Jinchi’s industries and casually look at the financial statements submitted by his subordinates. After returning to Dongcheng, opening a joint account was also in the plan.

Later when these plans were completed, Yan Zishu also called Helen and the others out for a meal as agreed before.

He openly brought Fu Jinchi to the appointment.

Being able to appear in front of people like this, actually, Yan Zishu was not lacking in pride in his heart.

Helen and others were speechless for a long time in shock, and finally accepted this situation.

Winners are crowned and losers are vilified. No one deliberately mentioned Fu Weishan at the table—besides, Fu Weishan was not good at gathering people’s hearts before.

Well, there were rumors in the company before that Yan Zishu was dismissed because there was something fishy between him and Fu Jinchi. It turned out to be true, but no one knew how they got together. It was truly an unsolved mystery in the gossip world.

Maybe many versions would spread among people who knew them later, but presumably, Fu Jinchi would not only not care, but would also wish to collect them and print them into a booklet, pulling Yan Zishu to appreciate them slowly at the bedside.

That was for later. Now, Yan Zishu didn’t forget a schedule he had thought of before.

Holding a bunch of white chrysanthemums and dragging the reluctant Fu Jinchi into the cemetery, he actually felt like he was dragging William who was lying on the ground acting shamelessly and refusing to move when going out for a walk. Yan Zishu kicked Fu Jinchi lightly in the back of the knee.

Fu Jinchi’s expression was very cold, but he still drove for two hours to come here at Yan Zishu’s request.

Yan Zishu put the flowers in front of the tombstone, looked at him, and said nothing. Fu Jinchi actually had nothing to say to her, but he remembered that when he was young, he seemed to be very clingy to his mother, and would make a fuss if he couldn’t see her for a while.

Also, his mother would boil a soft-boiled egg every day and serve it in a small bowl for him to eat, without fail.

Fu Jinchi remembered this, remembering the look of the golden yolk flowing out.

He sighed, and the two left after standing for a while.

They also went around the small fishing village where Fu Jinchi’s mother had lived.

It was no longer as backward as when she was young. Many new buildings had been built, but the villagers were still quite xenophobic, looking at the two outsiders with strange eyes. Mainly because such westernized dressing was too incompatible with the atmosphere in the village.

Later, they also met relatives who knew Fu Jinchi—after all, he had been here more than once before—although they knew Fu Jinchi’s mother’s reputation outside was not very honorable, clothes make the man. Fu Jinchi was obviously doing well. When he stayed in his mother’s old residence, relatives would still come to the door on their own initiative, their voices unconsciously carrying a bit of flattery.

Fu Jinchi came prepared and dismissed them with a few cartons of cigarettes.

These relatives were only distant ones, with winding relationships. As for Fu Jinchi’s maternal grandparents and uncle, they had long cut off relations with his mother and moved to a new house in the town, leaving behind the dilapidated earthen house leaking wind and rain where they used to live.

The house was basically in an ownerless state, with the key kept at a neighbor’s house. When Fu Jinchi came before, sometimes he would stay in the house for a night.

Actually, he couldn’t say why he wanted to come over. It was just on the return trip, Fu Jinchi mentioned this small fishing village and asked casually “want to go?”, and Yan Zishu said “sure”.

But after taking Yan Zishu around this dusty farmhouse yard, he felt bored himself, so he said: “Let’s go.”

Yan Zishu had no objection. He was willing to go to various places with Fu Jinchi, no matter where or for how long.

Fu Jinchi still drove on the way back. Driving for such a day was quite tiring, and it was already midnight when they arrived in Dongcheng. They returned to Fu Jinchi’s small western-style building. Yan Zishu took the initiative to go to the kitchen to cook two bowls of sour soup noodles as a midnight snack, with a glistening poached egg in each bowl.

He brought the bowls to the dining table, then remembered to say: “The poached egg is soft-boiled, are you okay with it?”

Fu Jinchi didn’t say yes or no. With one hand supporting his head and the other holding chopsticks, he poked the poached egg like treating a toy, and the golden semi-solidified yolk slowly flowed out. At this moment, a trace of trance-like nostalgia grew in his heart—