Chapter 3#

The second time I slept with Scum Emperor Chu, I didn’t bleed.

It wasn’t that his technique had improved; it was that I had made sufficient preparations in advance.

Although it was still face down the whole time, I didn’t see his face, was called until I wilted, it was a bit painful, a bit swollen.

But at least it didn’t tear or break, so I didn’t have to secretly find an unfamiliar doctor for medicine when I went back.

My brother and his lover finally got married, and he was quickly promoted to a father-to-be. The once dashing and talented scholar now smiled like a fool every day.

As a single dog, I have to say, it was a bit of an eyesore.

I reckon Scum Emperor Chu felt the same way.

So five days later, the eunuch with his oral edict came to the Prime Minister’s residence again.

Yeah, it was still only pain and no pleasure. It’s better to have no such friend with benefits than to have one.

Sometimes, if a person is not pointed out their problem to their face, they will never know where they went wrong.

But I can’t.

He is the Emperor, and I am the substitute.

If I told him, “Big brother, your technique is too crappy, you need to study up,” I reckon he would either go crazy and fuck me to death, or go crazy, fuck me to death, and then go fuck my brother, the real person.

So not only can I not say it, but I even bite the bedsheets and quilt when I’m in pain, not daring to make a sound.

I feel that I am so dedicated and cooperative, and this is the third time. He should reward me.

And although Chu Ruiyuan’s brain is not clear in matters of love, he has at least studied the art of being an emperor for more than ten years in terms of managing people.

When I put on my clothes and was about to go home under the cover of night, he opened his mouth: “…What do you want? I can compensate you.”

I want mountains of gold and silver, a lake of wine and a forest of meat, three thousand beautiful boys… and my parents won’t beat me.

But I still remember the persona I created for myself on the night of my brother’s wedding—loving Scum Emperor Chu so much that I was willing to be a substitute.

When a star’s persona collapses, they lose fans. When an emperor’s friend with benefits’ persona collapses… hehe.

So, “To be favored by Your Majesty is already Jun’an’s blessing. I have no other desires,” I said.

Chu Ruiyuan thought for a moment and then said: “There is a vacant captain position in my imperial guards. Are you willing to take it?”

Hearing him say this, regardless of the cold night and heavy dew, I immediately knelt down on the ground for him.

Actually, Scum Emperor Chu wanting me to be a captain in the imperial guards was quite a balanced and considerate move in terms of power.

This is a low-level military official’s sinecure, and it doesn’t require much literary or martial arts. If I took it, it would not be eye-catching, and I would go from a silk-pants from the Prime Minister’s residence with no proper profession to a gentleman with an official position. And since it’s the imperial guards, if he has any needs in the future, it would be convenient and easy for me to enter the palace.

But he calculated everything except that I didn’t want to be an official at all. I just wanted to be a silk-pants who enjoyed life.

Originally, my life plan for the future was to rely on my parents before they passed away, and after they were gone, rely on my brother and the inheritance I received.

My family is so powerful and influential, and as a gay man, I don’t plan on having children. It’s absolutely no problem for me to live a carefree life alone.

Later, I sacrificed myself for righteousness and became my brother’s substitute. I just added a high-ranking friend with benefits who needed special attention, had to be coaxed well, and with whom the relationship could be broken off whenever the other party wanted, to my original plan.

Being a substitute was already outside my plan. Adding a nine-to-five or even longer civil servant job to it, is this compensation or a death sentence?

So I knelt before Chu Ruiyuan with utmost sincerity, and said with tears in my eyes: “As a man, I have induced Your Majesty to do something against the rules of propriety, which is the act of a sycophant. If I were to get an official position because of this, I would be a treacherous official who deserves to be cut into a thousand pieces. Your Majesty is destined to be a wise ruler of a prosperous age. If I leave even a trace of a stain on your name in later generations, I would rather die here today!”

I don’t know what Chu Ruiyuan thought when he heard this, but I myself felt it was full of槽點 (points to complain about).

If it weren’t for me, and he went for my brother, then let alone later generations, the famous scholars and censors of today could curse him to death.

But no matter how scummy and stupid the emperor is, you can’t say it’s his fault. A thousand words can be summed up in three words—my fault.

Scum Emperor Chu was silent for a long time, then sighed and said: “It was my thoughtlessness. Just pretend I didn’t say it.”

Then he let me go home without rewarding me with gold or silver.

So the result is that he fucked me for free three times and gave me nothing.

And it seems he wants to continue to fuck me for free.

Although his dick is a dragon dick that is more awesome than one made of gold, I, who am being fucked for free and can’t even get off, am not happy.

In the following six months, Chu Ruiyuan would summon me to the palace for a “heart-to-heart talk” about every ten days to half a month.

People in the court who had their own information channels saw me always entering the palace to meet the Emperor. They all thought that I, with no official position and no literary or martial arts skills, could receive such great favor (not in the sense of being a “kept man”) just based on the friendship of being a Crown Prince’s study companion for a few years. It was as if I had accumulated immense virtue in my previous life.

Let’s not talk about whether these people are looking for trouble by prying into the Emperor’s private life, waiting for Chu Ruiyuan to consolidate his power and deal with them. Just their sour words, I feel, are wrong.

I think it’s hard to say whether I accumulated virtue in my previous life in modern times, but in my previous previous life, and my previous previous previous life, I must have committed a monstrous crime that was unforgivable.

Half a year, even if you find a fleshlight or an inflatable doll as a boyfriend/girlfriend, you should be proficient by now.

But Scum Emperor Chu is not.

When I sleep with him now, it’s still face down, a bit painful, a bit swollen.

His only progress is that he calls my brother’s name less often, so I don’t wilt psychologically anymore.

But I’m always physiologically wilted.

Actually, it’s not right to say I’m always wilted.

After being fucked by him for an hour or two, in the end, the pleasure of my prostate being rubbed more or less surpasses the pain of my back hole being expanded and penetrated.

Unfortunately, by that time, Scum Emperor Chu is basically about to finish.

So he gets me aroused, gets himself off, and then leaves me hanging.

If he were just a friend with benefits, I would force-feed him a few Viagra pills and force him to continue, I’m telling you.

Unfortunately, he is not.

His main job is the chairman and CEO of this dynasty, and he is a top-level domineering president of the “under the heavens, there is no land that is not the king’s” level.

So I can only go home with a hard-on and take a cold shower.

Taking too many cold showers, others can’t see the problem, but my personal servant who has served me since I was a child can naturally know something.

But he is a smart person. Except for secretly wiping his tears every time he thinks I’m not paying attention, he has never said or asked anything.

Such a smart and loyal person, if it weren’t for avoiding people’s eyes and ears, I would have long ago asked the Prime Minister’s residence manager to give him a raise and a promotion.

But to be cautious, I still choose to reward him with silver on various pretexts during festivals.

Speaking of rewards.

That stupid Scum Emperor Chu, after fucking me for free for more than a month, finally remembered that even if he couldn’t give me an official position, he could still reward me with things. So after the “heart-to-heart talk” in the palace, I would occasionally bring back some rewards (pimp money) to the Prime Minister’s residence.

But don’t blame me for calling him a fool while taking his things. Let me analyze for you what he has rewarded me with.

Two sets of imperial-made stationery, four pieces of imperial kiln porcelain, some tribute jade and agate… and so on.

Do you hear the problem?

The problem is, these are all things that are registered in the Emperor’s inner treasury and are not practical.

If someone else received a reward that was famous in the imperial register, they would definitely be too happy to sleep at night.

Even my brother, such a famous and elegant figure, was so excited that he talked to me for half the night when he was rewarded with a set of stationery by the late Emperor.

But I am not someone else. I am a gay coder who has transmigrated from modern times and has no intention of having descendants.

Glory, I can’t feel it; the value of the things themselves, I can’t appreciate; leaving them to my descendants, I don’t have any; keeping them at home, I have to find a way to hide them so that no one can see the clues; selling them for money…

According to the laws of this dynasty, privately damaging or selling imperial gifts is treated as treason.

And this dynasty currently looks like it won’t be finished in my lifetime.

He might as well have rewarded me with a pound of apples and two pounds of pears, at least I could eat them.

He doesn’t let me see his handsome face when we’re fucking, his tool is big but his technique is super bad, and the pimp money he gives is worse than nothing… I don’t want to keep such a friend with benefits for the New Year, no matter how handsome he is.