Chapter 52#
Chapter 52 Side Story — Twenty-Seven
“I miss you so much.”
“Compared to changing your mind, I hope you live happily in this world.”
“Xiao Xi, I love you.”
Mo Xi opened his eyes abruptly, propped himself up on the bed for a few seconds, then patted his head and sat up.
Since returning from City X, he had been like possessed, often dreaming of Pei Hao. The dreams were always those few fragments and those few sentences.
He knew that Pei Hao was poisonous. If he didn’t touch him, it was fine, but once he touched him, it pierced his heart.
Even though he plunged into a busy life after returning, Pei Hao and his WeChat were always pervasive.
For example, now, Mo Xi took out his phone and saw several unread messages. Without thinking, they must be from Pei Hao.
The day before Mo Xi returned to the US, Pei Hao snatched his phone, saying he wanted to help him download a game, but actually secretly added his own WeChat.
Lifting the quilt and climbing out of bed, Mo Xi opened WeChat and took a look. Pei Hao was talking about trivial things, sending one every few hours:
“Went to the west of the city today. It’s developing very fast. Yang’s has opened a branch there.”
“Steam released a new game. Go play it when you have time.” Followed by a game link.
“Did you go to Experimental No. 2 Primary School??”
Mo Xi sighed. How come he didn’t realize before that Pei Hao talked so much all day long…
There was a noise outside the bedroom. Maybe his roommate came back. Mo Xi scratched the back of his head, simply replied “Yes”, and put the phone back in his pocket.
His roommate was a senior sister studying for a PhD, who had helped him a lot. Mo Xi’s previous job in the library was introduced by her.
The senior sister’s surname was rare, Mai, and her name was Mai Ying. When Mo Xi heard this name for the first time, his body shook and his face was full of question marks.
Mai… Ying (Prostitution)??
The senior sister was probably used to this kind of thing long ago. With an expression of “I knew you would react like this”, she said lightly: “Not the two words you think…”
“Oh,” Mo Xi touched his head embarrassedly, “Sorry, sorry.”
Mai Ying got a boyfriend half a year ago, and basically lived with him afterwards, coming back at most once a week. Mo Xi was also happy to be quiet.
Don’t know why she came so early today.
Mo Xi opened the bedroom door, poked his head out and looked. Mai Ying was holding a glass of water, smiled at him: “Came back to pick up a package. Eh, did I wake you up?”
“No, I woke up myself,” Mo Xi walked out of the bedroom with messy hair, rubbed his eyes and asked, “Are you leaving again soon?”
“Yeah, going to take photos at that stray dog shelter later. They have some new dogs,” Mai Ying gulped down a mouthful of water and said leisurely, “So they can do publicity.”
Mai Ying was a particularly warm-hearted person, especially devoted to helping stray cats and dogs, volunteering everywhere. This was also one reason why Mo Xi liked her.
“Actually, I want to go too,” Mo Xi propped his chin and thought for a while, “But I have an exam tomorrow, and I have to go to the company later.”
“I know you are busy, so I didn’t call you,” Mai Ying put the cup on the cabinet in the hallway, found a chair to sit down, and reminded him, “But don’t forget the appointment with my friend this Saturday.”
Appointment with your friend?
Mo Xi suddenly realized that he seemed to have a date with someone else.
It’s a long story. Qin Ziran was Mai Ying’s friend. Mai Ying knew Mo Xi liked men and roughly knew something about him and Pei Hao. She wanted to introduce Qin Ziran to Mo Xi, so she kept encouraging the two to meet. Mo Xi thought at that time, anyway, he was bored, so just meet him.
Who knew that later his sister had an accident, he flew back to China, and the dinner with Qin Ziran was pushed back for a few weeks.
Seeing Mo Xi’s expression, Mai Ying knew he didn’t remember, and said speechlessly, “You forgot?”
Mo Xi nodded with a bitter smile, thought for a while, looked at Mai Ying and said with difficulty: “Sister Mai… I don’t want to go.”
“Why?” Mai Ying didn’t quite understand. Didn’t he agree well a few weeks ago?
“I…” Mo Xi lowered his head and bit his lip, “I think… I still can’t forget my ex-boyfriend.”
“Ah?” Mai Ying was surprised, “You mean that scumbag?”
She remembered Mo Xi talking about his ex-boyfriend’s scumbag history, and suddenly felt her worldview collapsing a bit.
“Yes,” Mo Xi was very distressed, “I don’t know how to explain to you, but when I went back this time… something happened, and I’m not sure about my feelings yet,” he paused, and continued, “It’s unfair to him if I meet your friend in this state.”
“Maybe you will change your mind after meeting him,” Mai Ying pondered for a moment and advised kindly, “And it’s just a meal, what’s fair or unfair. Just meet someone who might develop, get to know each other. If it doesn’t work, then part ways. If it works, then consider the next thing.”
Mai Ying drank some water after speaking. Seeing Mo Xi hesitating and not speaking, she didn’t want to force him: “I actually don’t care, but you have already pushed this date back. Are you sure you want to cancel?”
Mo Xi was very conflicted. Not going was breaking the appointment. Going was wasting people’s time.
It seemed that no matter whether he went or not, he couldn’t be a good person.
“Hey, just a meal, not doing anything else,” Mai Ying stood up, patted Mo Xi’s head, and said calmly, “You don’t know how many dates I had before meeting Yu Jie.”
Yu Jie was her current boyfriend. Mai Ying said they met on a social networking site.
The one where you swipe left and right.
Not sure how to swipe exactly. Anyway, Mo Xi had never used it.
“Oh,” Mo Xi felt that what Mai Ying said was not unreasonable. He steeled his heart and decided, “Go.”
Everyone is single. Meeting openly and honestly, no one is sorry to anyone.
“Buzz~” The phone vibrated.
Mo Xi took it out and looked. Pei Hao said he found the uniform of Experimental No. 2 Primary School a bit cute. Were you very cute wearing it when you were a child?
Mo Xi: I’m almost thirty, how can I remember if the primary school uniform was cute or not.
Pei Hao: You are cute even if you are seventy or eighty.
What kind of irrelevant nonsense is this?
Mo Xi’s hand shook. He couldn’t stand Pei Hao being cheesy early in the morning, so he replied with an indifferent expression.
“What are you laughing at?” Mai Ying leaned over to look at him, “What makes you so happy?”
“Am I laughing?” Mo Xi touched his face up, down, left, and right. He clearly felt very calm.
“Mm,” Mai Ying nodded like a rattle drum, “Eyes full of spring breeze.”
“Probably getting paid soon.” Mo Xi found a random reason, walked into the bathroom and looked carefully in the mirror. It seemed that this face indeed had a bit of joy recently.
“Then I’m leaving! Going to be late…” Mai Ying put on her shoes and opened the door, saying to Mo Xi in the bathroom, “Update me on the story with your ex-boyfriend next time I come back.”
“Go ahead, bye bye.”
After speaking, Mo Xi washed his face, picked up his toothbrush and started brushing his teeth, thinking about what happened recently while brushing.
A bit strange.
He clearly knew what Pei Hao meant to him, but he couldn’t be cruel enough to refuse.
He also knew that he still had feelings for Pei Hao, but he just couldn’t make up his mind to accept.
It seemed to be stuck in an infinite loop. People outside the city couldn’t get in, and people inside the city couldn’t get out.
Going back and forth like this, maybe one of them has to get tired first and surrender to untie this knot.
The weather was getting colder. Song Wanqin stayed in the yard for not long before getting a headache from the wind, so she wrapped her clothes and entered the house.
She was holding a stack of materials sent by a private detective. The history of Pei Hao’s little lover from childhood to adulthood, including which kindergarten he went to, was all on it.
Born in an ordinary family, excellent grades since childhood, filial to parents, got together with Pei Hao in college, and also held scholarships and worked three jobs a day after studying abroad.
Song Wanqin flipped through it several times. This Mo Xi, apart from being gay, really had nothing else worthy of her disgust.
She seemed to understand a little why Pei Hao was so devoted. Just like when she insisted on marrying Pei Yixin back then, once she decided on a person, she would never turn back even if she died.
Mother and son are connected, probably meaning this.
Recently, Pei Hao often went to see her, and always pretended to inadvertently throw some news about homosexuality to her, explicitly or implicitly wanting to say that homosexuals are actually normal people.
After raising him for more than twenty years, Song Wanqin understood his meaning as soon as Pei Hao opened his mouth.
Song Wanqin asked herself honestly, did she really hate homosexuality? Not really.
Actually, what she was afraid of was everything Pei Hao might face in the future—people’s misunderstanding, lover’s betrayal, and the malice from society.
When she and Pei Yixin were around, they could wipe Pei Hao’s ass and block bullets for him. What if they were gone in the future?
Could Pei Hao really walk down this road to the end?
The more Song Wanqin thought about it, the more worried she became. After a while, she took out her computer that she wouldn’t use once a month, wiped the dust off it, put on her reading glasses, and typed the word “homosexuality” into the search bar word by word.
Pei Hao felt that time was a metaphysics.
When Mo Xi was there, it passed so fast that he couldn’t catch it. But as soon as Mo Xi left, it suddenly became as slow as a snail climbing a tree, unable to see the end for a long time.
He went back to the two-point-one-line life, but some things began to become different.
For example, he could chat with Xiao Xi as Pei Hao every day. Even if it was just one or two sentences, it was enough to fill the tired life with motivation;
For example, Song Wanqin would occasionally visit him in the apartment and cook a few dishes by the way. Last time she even unprecedentedly asked him how he and Mo Xi were doing, scaring him almost off the bench;
For example, Fu Bing finally successfully negotiated the financing and doubled his salary as promised. Chen Xu also transferred departments and no longer followed him every day;
…
Everything was developing in a good direction, so good that Pei Hao couldn’t believe it, afraid that this was just a beautiful dream that would break with a poke.
He still didn’t tell Mo Xi that he was Wan Tong. In case they didn’t end up together, at least he could accompany Mo Xi with another identity.
Wan Tong was the way out he left for himself.
In order not to make Mo Xi suspicious, he simply bought another phone and logged in to two accounts at the same time to ensure that he could reply in time no matter which side Mo Xi sent to.
Pei Hao had never thought before that loving someone could be humble to this extent. Even when he was interested in Fu Yan back then, it only reached the level of “be together if you like, forget it if you don’t”, and there was no actual pain.
Unlike breaking up with Mo Xi, it was simply peeling off a layer of his skin alive, tearing bones and flesh, piercing the heart and gouging the bones.
More than two years later, whenever Pei Hao recalled Mo Xi saying breakup to him at that time, his heart still ached with spasms.
Those desperate days of trapping himself in the quagmire of pain and counting time over and over again, now thinking about it, besides fear, it was still fear.