Chapter 30#
Chapter 30 Extra - Five
After returning from the United States, Pei Hao felt weary and listless. Many nights, he dreamed of Mo Xi laughing and whispering softly to someone else, then looking at him coldly and saying emotionlessly, “No, he’s not my friend.”
Every time this happened, he would wake up from the dream in a cold sweat.
People say that after a breakup, time will slowly make you forget everything. Pei Hao didn’t expect that after being broken up for so long, he would still be trapped in memories, insomnia, and pain, in an endless loop.
Many years later, he finally understood that Mo Xi was like a pot of sake; at first taste, he seemed plain and unremarkable, but after drinking, you realized his aftereffects were endless.
Seeing him in the US, Pei Hao seemed to finally understand how much Mo Xi hated him. That “not a friend” denied not only their relationship but also all their past joys and sorrows.
He hadn’t peeked at Mo Xi’s Facebook for several months, nor did he ask Da Bai about Mo Xi’s current situation. He was afraid of suddenly seeing a sweet photo of Mo Xi with someone else, or hearing that he was with someone. He couldn’t face the sudden rush of heartache.
Pei Hao threw himself into work, wishing he could work overtime every day to fill every moment.
Ignoring and not asking, as if by doing so, he could erase this person from his heart.
In the blink of an eye, it was Pei Hao’s birthday. He declined all invitations, had dinner with his parents, and returned to his own place.
When he was with Mo Xi, whether it was the food or the cake, Mo Xi prepared everything. Even now, Pei Hao still kept every gift Mo Xi had given him in his room.
How good was Mo Xi to him back then? Every year, he insisted on making the birthday cake himself, practicing weeks in advance. Pei Hao would say, “You don’t even like baking, just buy one.” Mo Xi would reply, “That’s different. Store-bought cakes have no feeling. Only if I make it with my heart will you remember it longer.”
Sure enough, Pei Hao could never forget.
But the boy who went to great lengths to make him a birthday cake was long gone.
Pei Hao hadn’t streamed games for a long time. Bored at home, he logged into his account to play.
His streaming account was called “Xi Fifteen,” and his fans called him “Fifteen.” Mo Xi had given him this name, saying it was because they met on the 15th.
After playing a few rounds, a considerable audience gathered in the stream, and fans left messages wishing him a happy birthday.
At some point, fans started clamoring for Fifteen to sing.
Pei Hao had just defeated a big boss in the game. Looking up at the bullet comments, he saw none praising his skills, but screens full of requests for him to sing. He was puzzled: “Isn’t it my birthday today? You guys should be singing for me.”
The fans acted like they didn’t hear him, continuing to spam the screen relentlessly:
“Bro, your voice is so good, sing a song!”
“I not only want to hear you sing, but also see your face.”
“If you don’t sing, I’ll draw circles and curse your birthday wish to fail ^^”
“Be a man and sing one, stop dawdling.”
“Just do it!”
…
Pei Hao was helpless. He stopped the game. It seemed they wouldn’t let him go if he didn’t sing today. He coughed into the microphone and said, “Forget about seeing my face, let me think about what to sing.”
Hearing this, the bullet comment section cheered. Everyone typed “Fifteen sing,” and some even started requesting songs.
After a while, Pei Hao hesitantly spoke up: “I don’t know many songs, so I’ll sing ‘A Life’s Love’ today.”
Fans expressed that whatever made him happy was fine, although a few grumbled, “Why sing such a sad song on your birthday?”
But Pei Hao didn’t care. He found the music and played it.
As the intro played, the computer screen showed the scene from “A Chinese Odyssey” where Joker first meets Zixia Fairy. In the misty valley, Zixia Fairy, holding a sword and leading her donkey, walked slowly towards him, graceful as a swan, fluid as a dragon. With a lift of her head, her eyes shimmered, a glance lasting ten thousand years.
At this moment, Pei Hao’s voice rang out through the microphone:
From the past to the present, never to return
Red leaves buried long in the dust
Beginnings and endings always remain unchanged
You on the horizon, drifting beyond the white clouds
The bitter sea churns up love and hate
In this world, it’s hard to escape fate
Close yet unable to be intimate
Or perhaps I should believe it is destiny
…
After parting, the lover never returns
Sitting alone in silence, looking beyond the mortal world
Though flowers will wither
They will bloom again
A life’s love is faintly
Beyond the white clouds
Pei Hao had never formally learned to sing, but his pitch was decent. Coupled with his gentle and magnetic tone, it was easy for people to get lost in the melody.
For some reason, the lively bullet comments suddenly quieted down after Pei Hao started singing. After a while, someone silently commented: “Why do I feel so sad?”
Fans then followed up one after another:
“Sounds good! But why sing this song on your birthday?”
“My beloved is also a hero of the world.”
“At first hearing, I didn’t understand the song’s meaning; hearing it again, I am the person in the song.”
“I think Fifteen choked up.”
“Singing until crying???”
“So Fifteen is also a person with a story.”
“I cried listening to this T.T”
…
Towards the end of the song, Pei Hao stopped. He had only intended to play a few games, not expecting everyone to be so insistent on hearing him sing. The first song that came to mind was “A Life’s Love” because he had just rewatched the movie a few days ago.
When he was young, he thought it was a comedy. Rewatching it, he realized it was a comedy filled with shards of glass. Belatedly, he realized that growing up, he had lived to become like Joker, looking very much like a dog.
The MV also reached the movie’s ending scene. On the edge of the desert, the setting sun dyed the sand. Zixia Fairy and the Samurai stood on the ancient city wall, looking at each other. Not far away, Sun Wukong put on his golden headband, seemingly ending his past, and turned to disappear into the endless yellow sand.
No one knew if his heart was breaking at that moment.
Whether it was a specific lyric that tugged at his heartstrings, or the final scene of the MV that moved him, when Pei Hao spoke again, he found his voice trembling. He cleared his throat and mocked himself hoarsely:
“I used to have a Zixia Fairy too, but back then I thought I liked Bai Jingjing. Now my Zixia Fairy might have his Samurai, but unfortunately, I can’t possess the Samurai’s body.”
After speaking, feeling unable to control the sudden surge of sadness, he turned off the stream without looking at the fans’ comments.
The song ended.
Flowers bloom, flowers fall; fate arises, fate extinguished.
It was a month later when Pei Hao logged into the game stream again. The account had accumulated many messages from fans on his birthday. Most wished him a happy birthday, while some advised him to forget his ex and start over.
Pei Hao grinned. He had only sung one song; why was everyone so concerned about his love life?
Just as he was about to close the message box, a new message popped up with a link.
Out of curiosity, Pei Hao clicked on the message:
“Lord Fifteen, after listening to you sing ‘A Life’s Love,’ I suddenly thought of a post I saw on a forum before. The OP said his ex-boyfriend was also a game streamer, so I was curious if it might be you. But selfishly, I hope it’s not you, because the OP’s ex was a bit of a scumbag…”
Pei Hao clicked the link, which led directly to a forum. The post was titled “How to Dump Him.” The OP’s name was quite long, and the first post was made about a year and a half ago.
Seeing the OP mention being with his ex for five years, Pei Hao’s heart trembled. He and Xiao Xi had also been together for about five years. Reading a few more pages, he was basically certain this was a post written by Xiao Xi.
Although Mo Xi had changed some details of real life, probably to avoid being recognized, the major events and characters matched up.
That silly, soft-hearted crybaby—who else could it be but Xiao Xi?
Pei Hao stared intently at the computer screen. This post was like a magical time machine, pulling him back into the old days with Xiao Xi, taking him through their past once again.
Those beautiful, unbearable, fragmented moments surfaced before his eyes again. Sometimes he couldn’t help but laugh, but more often, he wanted to cry.
This time, he saw his former self through Xiao Xi’s perspective—selfish, indifferent, arrogant, and unaware.
Truly not a decent human being.
Every post by Xiao Xi was an accusation against Pei Hao, like death by a thousand cuts, slicing precisely into his heart.
There were many things Mo Xi had never said; he only learned about them after reading the post.
It turned out Xiao Xi ate instant noodles for a month to buy him those limited-edition sneakers.
It turned out Xiao Xi secretly posted hundreds of “only visible to self” moments on WeChat and then silently deleted them all.
It turned out Xiao Xi had seen his special feelings for Fu Yan so early on and endured it for so long.
It turned out Xiao Xi had always longed to grow old with him, even if their life was plain.
…
It turned out Xiao Xi had so many grievances and hopes, yet he, Pei Hao, hadn’t noticed at all back then. He didn’t know whether he should slap himself a few times or dig out his heart and give it to Xiao Xi to whip. It was no wonder nine out of ten replies in the thread were cursing him, and the tenth was wishing him dead.
Several hours passed quickly. When Pei Hao finished reading Xiao Xi’s last post and raised his hand to close the computer, he realized his face was covered in tears.
He had failed the person who loved him most in his life. Living like this today was what he deserved; it was his just retribution.
In the evening, Pei Hao sat by the window for a long time, unable to recover. The last cigarette had burned out, and the evening breeze blew in, chilling him to the bone, but he sat unresponsive like a puppet drained of its spirit, his thoughts unknown.
The phone in the room suddenly rang. Pei Hao remained seated, motionless as a wooden fish. The person on the other end didn’t give up, calling again and again. After many attempts, Pei Hao finally got annoyed and answered the phone with a frown.
“I say, Brother Hao, are you getting old and hard of hearing? How many times do I have to call before you answer?” Egg Bro complained all at once on the other end. He had trouble finding Pei Hao recently and had to try really hard to tell him something, like now.
“What is it?” Pei Hao’s voice was cold.
“Have you bought your ticket to Bali? If not, let’s fly together,” Egg Bro clamored. “Everyone else is a couple; I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
Pei Hao looked confused: “Bali? What ticket?”
“Fuck!” Egg Bro was instantly speechless. “Fu Yan’s wedding is next weekend. You didn’t forget, did you?”
Pei Hao came back to his senses. Fu Yan had indeed mentioned this on WeChat a few months ago and sent an H5 invitation. He was busy with company matters at the time, didn’t open it, and later forgot.
He thought the wedding would be held locally; he didn’t expect it to be as far away as Bali.
Seeing the silence on the other end, Egg Bro rubbed his forehead in worry and asked incredulously, “Then Lord Hao, do you know that you’re the best man?”
Pei Hao was bewildered again. He completely didn’t remember what Fu Yan had said on WeChat that day; he only remembered replying “Okay.”
He hesitated and asked, “Then what does the best man need to prepare?”
“Damn!” Egg Bro knew immediately that this guy had completely forgotten about it and couldn’t help rolling his eyes. “You don’t need to prepare anything. Fu Yan has already prepared the best man suit for you… Tell me, what goes on in your head all day recently?”
“Huh?” Asked this, Pei Hao actually thought about it carefully, then exhaled calmly, as if he had figured something out, and replied unhurriedly, “I’m thinking about going to the US to win Mo Xi back.”