Chapter 63#
An Wuxue was tired.
He suddenly released his grip and lowered Chunhua. His gaze went distant.
He said: “All right. Speak.”
This should have been the greatest obstacle between them. Yet he had yielded far too easily, far too quickly — and Xie Zhefeng was left stunned.
“The wines and dishes the honored immortals ordered are ready.”
Someone stood at the door.
An Wuxue and Xie Zhefeng hadn’t ordered anything. The dishes were most likely ordered by Qiao Ting earlier.
But Qiao Ting had left, leaving only the two of them behind.
Xie Zhefeng simply looked at An Wuxue with dark, sunken eyes. For this moment, there was room for nothing else in his heart.
The person outside, getting no response, asked again: “…Honored Immortal?”
Whatever lay between An Wuxue and Xie Zhefeng, he didn’t want to involve the mortals in it.
He glanced at the wound on his right arm, then at the spirit pouch set aside.
He himself carried no elixirs for treating the external wounds of a Tribulation Crossing cultivator.
As the knocking continued, he walked over to stand before Xie Zhefeng.
Xie Zhefeng looked taken aback. “Senior Brother…?”
An Wuxue raised his hand and unsealed the pressure points where the man had locked his spiritual energy. Those were Falling Moon Peak’s sealing techniques — Xie Zhefeng could apply them, so naturally An Wuxue could undo them.
He said: “The Immortal Sovereign should prioritize Beiming’s safety. Sealing your own spiritual energy in a place of danger — this is the second time you’ve done it—”
His voice caught.
Once he returned to the identity of “An Wuxue” and faced Xie Zhefeng directly, he found himself inevitably speaking words a senior brother would speak.
Xie Zhefeng, however, had already said seriously: “I understand.”
As soon as his spiritual energy was unsealed, the man took back his own spirit pouch and drew out an elixir to hand to him.
The knocking at the door pulled An Wuxue back to composure. Setting aside all that tangled confusion and inexplicable fear, he found himself in a daze.
In that daze, Xie Zhefeng reached out to treat his wound. An Wuxue took the elixir quickly and said: “I’ll do it myself.”
“…All right.”
An Wuxue immediately infused the elixir with his spiritual energy and applied it to the wound. In the span of just a few breaths, the injury vanished without a trace.
At the same moment, Xie Zhefeng’s expression eased somewhat — whether because the pain from An Wuxue’s wound had disappeared, or because An Wuxue had been willing to use his elixir.
An Wuxue swept his sleeve, changed into a clean, plain robe, and pushed open the door with a flick of spiritual force.
Xie Zhefeng still stood to the side. An Wuxue had already settled quietly at the table, watching the server lay out dishes and set down wine, as calm as though nothing had happened at all just moments before.
— The worst outcome had already come to pass: Xie Zhefeng knew who he was.
Since the worst had already happened, what else had he to fear?
At most, it would be his soul scattering and dissolving.
He had never clung to life anyway.
After the server set down the food and wine and left, closing the door, Xie Zhefeng sat down across from him.
He said: “Immortal Sovereign.”
Xie Zhefeng’s expression was desolate, his voice heavy: “Senior Brother used to call me Junior Brother.”
An Wuxue was silent for a moment. He didn’t acknowledge the words. “In truth, I’m not particularly invested in explanations from back then.”
Xie Zhefeng stiffened. “Does Senior Brother not wish to hear them?”
“I wished to hear them — once upon a time, I did.” He said, “Especially in those years after death, when my consciousness was still muddled and unclear. I didn’t understand anything, but I was always drifting in a haze, wanting to ask you why. But later — I didn’t want to anymore.”
He picked up the wine pot and poured himself a cup, then poured one for Xie Zhefeng as well.
He didn’t care for wine. The mortal’s aged vintage wasn’t any kind of immortal brew. After pouring, he found he didn’t actually want to drink it.
He could only set the cup down with diminished interest. “Because the ending is already written. The process — it doesn’t change the outcome.”
Xie Zhefeng’s hand, holding his wine cup, trembled slightly.
The man went rigid, then drained it in one gulp. “Back then, I did not intend it.”
An Wuxue understood at once.
He laughed bitterly. “…The inner demon?”
Xie Zhefeng seemed to carry a note of hope. “Senior Brother knew?”
“No. But from these past days looking back — I could guess.”
His tone was very flat. So flat that he didn’t sound like someone who had just learned the truth of what happened back then.
Xie Zhefeng felt oddly unsettled.
This explanation that meant so much to him seemed, in Senior Brother’s eyes, to be merely a process that had occurred in the past.
He wanted to explain further, but the explanation only held weight if the person across from him wanted to hear it, was willing to listen.
An Wuxue’s reaction was entirely outside his expectations.
In the end, all he could say was: “Back then, I could not penetrate the delusions that arise from walking the path. The inner demon was born before I ascended. When the final tribulation cloud of breaking into immortality crossed my path, an unexpected circumstance arose. I wasn’t able to — and the regret has pursued me ever since.”
“I…”
“I’ve missed you constantly.”
An Wuxue lowered his gaze and thought, almost absently, that the food must be getting cold.
His heart didn’t seem to be aching.
There was no disturbance in him at all.
So he sighed. “If the Immortal Sovereign is finished, then I have something to say.
“The Immortal Sovereign once said I deserved my fate — but those matters from before have since been clarified, and there were indeed many minor charges that you yourself helped me clear up. For that, I am grateful. What remains is little: only the matter of Lihuo Sect and the corrupt energy I carry on my body remain unclear. Neither of these was intentional on my part. I dug through the spiritual veins — at the time, circumstances were urgent, and you were in closed retreat, pushing toward the realm of immortality. I could only seek Lihuo Sect’s aid, as they were nearest. I obtained their permission to dig through the veins. I had no knowledge that great disaster would befall Lihuo Sect after I left. As for the corrupt energy on my body — yes, I carry much of it — this is also connected to what happened with the Lihuo Sect’s veins. But I never drew the corrupt energy into my core dantian, nor did I cultivate through corruption.”
“I said all of this back then.”
Xie Zhefeng’s fists clenched tightly.
An Wuxue, by contrast, was remarkably forthright. “It’s only that no one believed me.”
“There’s nothing I can resent anyone for. I certainly had no evidence to offer.
“Just as Qi Xun said — I was the only one who visited Lihuo Sect before its annihilation. How could I have exonerated myself? My whole body was soaked in corrupt energy, yet I couldn’t point to its source, and I couldn’t split open my core and show people the inside, saying I had never cultivated through corruption. I had nothing to defend myself against.
“I remember carrying this sword and fighting my way through countless circles of siege to return to Falling Moon Peak…”
He lifted his hand and let his fingertips trace across Chunhua’s blade where it lay before him, running along the steel.
“I don’t resent Qin Wei. And I certainly don’t resent Qi Xun. I had my defense; they had their certainties. Who could I blame?
“But you…”
Only after laying all of this bare to Xie Zhefeng did he finally address the man properly: “Junior Brother.”
Xie Zhefeng’s expression sharpened noticeably.
“If you lost your footing back then while ascending, if the inner demon was born and took control of you, causing you to strike at me — I have heard this. I accept it.”
“But that strike wasn’t only the inner demon!” There was urgency in Xie Zhefeng’s words now.
“All right.”
“…All right? Doesn’t Senior Brother have any other questions? Nothing else you want to hear or say?” Clearly he had so much more to say. He would have preferred it if Senior Brother questioned him word by word, making him explain — anything but this single, simple all right.
“Questions? Things to hear?” An Wuxue seemed genuinely puzzled. “Why would those matter? Perhaps the Immortal Sovereign wants to tell me some hidden story. But no matter what hidden circumstances lie beneath — they don’t change the outcome. Just as back then, whether Lihuo Sect fell for some reason or whether I came to carry corrupt energy for some reason — the immortal cultivation world didn’t truly care. Since I carried corrupt energy, no one was willing to listen to whatever circumstances I had to present.
“The inner demon — no matter what shape it took — isn’t it still the Immortal Sovereign’s inner demon? If that’s the case, didn’t the Immortal Sovereign back then still commit righteous fratricide, slaying me with that stroke?”
Xie Zhefeng’s whole body shuddered. His face went pale as paper.
An Wuxue didn’t even look at him. He continued: “As for what I want to say — I already said it when I faced the Immortal Sovereign as ‘Suxue.’
“The Immortal Sovereign made a choice back then and abandoned me. Don’t sway with that choice, letting the inner demon consume you for eight hundred years, and then revive on one fateful day.
“You have your vast immortal path. I have the fruits of my own sowing. Between us, whether it was the bond of fellow sect disciples or…” He paused, still speaking plainly: “or romantic love — all karmic debts have been settled since a thousand years ago.”
He and Xie Zhefeng should have no further ties.
He finished speaking. His gaze finally moved from the cold food on the table and fell upon Xie Zhefeng — and suddenly he saw that the man’s eyes were wet and red, as though on the verge of tears.
He found it absurd.
Xie Zhefeng…
Had he ever seen Xie Zhefeng cry before?
It seemed not.
Only in memory, in Thornbriar Creek, had he seen the man weep as he called out his name.
He drifted off into thought. But Xie Zhefeng suddenly moved close, and seized his hand with a sudden, sharp movement.
An Wuxue snapped back to awareness with a jolt, cold energy washing over him. He pulled away sharply and said: “Immortal Sovereign!”
Xie Zhefeng’s eyes were red. He gripped An Wuxue’s wrist and pressed it against his own chest.
He seemed to have suppressed something for too long. He couldn’t hold it back any longer. He said, urgent and hurried: “I was wrong. Senior Brother — I was wrong.”
An Wuxue moved quickly to pull his hand away, but Xie Zhefeng locked the spiritual energy in the surrounding space and wouldn’t let go.
He couldn’t reconcile the figure before him — with eyes red and expression fallen — with the image in his memory of the Chuhan Immortal Sovereign, who had walked in the Way of Non-Attachment.
He had faced Xie Zhefeng when the inner demon flared before. But he had never faced the man in his right mind.
“What are you doing?!”
“I was blind and foolish not to recognize Senior Brother at once. But haven’t you been watching everything that happened day by day these past half-year? I know I was wrong. I only want you to come back. I only want to uncover the truth of what happened back then, for all to see. The inner demon, the nightmares — they’re all filled with you.”
Xie Zhefeng was nearly begging: “Senior Brother, don’t say we have nothing to do with each other. Please? Are you angry with me? Is that why you gambled and said I would kill you, gambled and said I would suspect you?”
He held An Wuxue tightly. “Senior Brother, if you’re angry, you can crush my heart, you can kill me, you can beat me — any of it. Torment me every day if you want—”
“Xie Zhefeng!!!”
“Senior Brother…”
And then he cried.
The window let in the night wind. The stars brought moonlight into the high chamber. The common people drifted into their sleep.
No one saw. In this high room of Dengyun Tower, that Chuhan Immortal Sovereign who even children knew had taken a seat of honor in his youth, that sword-master who cleansed the world of demons with immortal sword-energy — wept helplessly.
Only An Wuxue was there to see it. But he had no heart to pay attention to what this man was doing.
Being held captive by Xie Zhefeng’s spiritual energy made him feel as though he were teetering at the edge of an abyss. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and said: “Has your inner demon flared up again? What happened to your Way of Non-Attachment?”
Xie Zhefeng’s cheeks were streaked with tears. He let out a soft laugh.
“I broke the way long ago,” he said.
“Then turn from the Way of Floating Lives and take that way instead. Go out into this vast, boundless world of red dust and find someone willing to bind their heart with yours forever.”
An Wuxue’s words came from the depths of his being. “I will not be that person in the red dust. Doesn’t the Immortal Sovereign find it laughable, saying these things to someone who died beneath Chuhan’s sword-light?”
He had clearly tried to be cold several times.
But Xie Zhefeng wouldn’t give him the chance.
“Immortal Sovereign — Junior Brother. Please let me go.”
Xie Zhefeng was struck as if by lightning. The hand holding An Wuxue’s wrist lost its strength.
The spiritual energy scattered. An Wuxue pushed him away quickly.
The man stumbled backward. Behind him was the brazier where the water had boiled. In his stumble, the brazier tipped over. The hot coals spilled out. Porcelain shattered across the floor. Flames licked up toward the nearby long curtain.
Out of the corner of his eye, Xie Zhefeng saw the two flower lanterns An Wuxue had brought were right in the path of the fire. He quickly used his spiritual energy to smother the flames and grabbed the two lanterns.
But An Wuxue snatched them back from his hands.
“…Senior Brother?”
An Wuxue walked to the bright window where people watched the lanterns, raised his hand, poured his spiritual energy into it, and suddenly hurled the lanterns into the air!
His spiritual energy held them aloft so they wouldn’t fall. But high in the sky, the wind howled without cease, stirring the candle-flame. The fire reached the paper of the lanterns. In an instant, both lanterns turned to ash.
An Wuxue withdrew his spiritual energy. The ash scattered on the wind, leaving nothing behind.
He had been so delighted with those two lanterns just moments ago.
He said: “Look — when I bought them, how happy I was. But you just bumped them, and I suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of them anymore. I wanted to burn them.”
“But after I burned them, I started to regret it a little. I did like them, after all.”
Xie Zhefeng could only say: “I’ll find another pair exactly like them for Senior Brother.”
This was exactly what An Wuxue had expected him to say.
He felt a soreness in his nose. Yet he laughed. “I want those two. The ones from just now.”
“But—” Xie Zhefeng suddenly stopped speaking.
His expression grew even more desperate.
An Wuxue said: “The Immortal Sovereign understands what I’m trying to say now, doesn’t he? Once the lanterns are burned, I want an identical pair — but they no longer exist.”
“The Immortal Sovereign’s senior brother died a thousand years ago. What if I hadn’t awakened in Suxue’s body? What if that last remnant of my soul had truly scattered to nothing across these long thousand years? Who would be sitting here today, listening to what the Immortal Sovereign is saying?”
“I am only fortunate and unfortunate enough to have lived once more. But what if I hadn’t had this one chance? I would never have seen any of this. I wouldn’t have seen what the Immortal Sovereign was doing. I would never have learned what Qin Wei and Qi Xun were thinking.”
“Immortal Sovereign — I am not your senior brother.”
“I’m not him.”
“So whatever explanation you think you have, whatever misunderstanding you imagine stretches across the line of life and death, whatever hidden story there is — I have heard them. But hearing them means nothing to me because…”
“They hold no meaning at all.”