Chapter 132#
Xie Zhefeng was looking at his Senior Brother’s lips.
He watched those thin lips move slightly, sending out a clear and moving voice.
His Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes were dark, and his hand gripping An Wuxue’s tightened unconsciously.
With those words spoken.
The string that had been pulled taut in Xie Zhefeng’s heart finally snapped.
—Stop talking.
—He was about to lose control.
An Wuxue couldn’t hear the struggle in his Junior Brother’s heart.
He said helplessly: “I said, why did you look so preoccupied after getting off the spiritual boat? It turns out you were thinking about these strange things? Xie Chuhan, you’re a mute, but your inner thoughts are truly plenty. You—mm!”
Suddenly.
Lips and teeth met.
All sounds seemed to be swallowed by the person who had suddenly moved closer. Xie Zhefeng delivered a long-awaited kiss without another word.
It wasn’t like the last time, which was a retaliatory and barbaric probe, nor was it a purposeful one full of testing.
It was impulsive and pure.
An Wuxue’s mind instantly went blank.
—What is Xie Zhefeng doing!?
He was only startled for a moment, and the man didn’t give him any chance to catch his breath; the offensive came like a gale and torrential rain.
“Mm—”
His eyes froze, his gaze slightly unfocused.
The cold breath clung to every part of his body irrepressibly. Their spiritual powers collided, yet neither injured the other.
The puppet mark was instantly triggered by the familiar aura. All strength left his body, and he leaned against the thick trunk of the long pine, falling into Xie Zhefeng’s arms.
“Mm…”
Xie Zhefeng exerted more force.
The puppet mark’s flare-up was now acting upon Xie Zhefeng. His breathing became increasingly hurried, and spiritual power from all directions kept sweeping down frost and snow, covering his dark hair.
An Wuxue truly found it difficult to breathe.
He was hot and dazed, unable to think about anything else, and could only instinctively push at Xie Zhefeng.
This kind of rejection instead seemed like an urging; the man paused for a second, then instantly became even more forceful.
Through the haze, An Wuxue slightly opened his eyes.
His Junior Brother’s face was close at hand, the snow lotus sword mark flickering.
This is…?
The sword mark’s abnormality…
An Wuxue suddenly snapped to his senses—the inner demon!
He was startled; this person was taking even more liberties, seemingly kissing down along the corner of his mouth.
He hurried to push.
But in his haste, his strength was too light, and his spiritual power was too soft.
Xie Zhefeng’s breathing was heavy as he grabbed him and called out in a low voice: “A-Xue—”
“—Mm?”
The man suddenly froze.
An Wuxue had bitten the corner of his lip.
Xie Zhefeng’s mind was not yet clear; his black eyes seemed to be covered in a mist, and faint bloodshot streaks appeared.
He was stunned for a moment, then suddenly showed a look of panic, quickly retreating a few steps to put distance between himself and An Wuxue.
An Wuxue heard him chant several clearing heart curses before the spiritual power all over his body finally calmed down again.
His Junior Brother looked at him again and said hurriedly: “Senior Brother, I just… lost control for a moment.”
An Wuxue gritted his teeth.
Lost control for a moment?
That sounds quite innocent!
The way this person was just now… he also nearly sank into the hard-won moment of tenderness. If not for seeing the blackness on the snow lotus, he wouldn’t have known this person’s inner demon had already flared up so severely.
What on earth happened during the day he was asleep on the spiritual boat?
He asked Xie Zhefeng: “What’s going on with your inner demon?”
“It’s usually like this…”
An Wuxue didn’t believe him at all: “Young Master Xie won’t tell me anything. Are you going to be a mute again?”
The title “Young Master Xie” was how the cultivators in the city used to call the young Xie Zhefeng a thousand years ago, before Langfeng City fell and while Xie Zhui was still alive.
They would always say: “Young Master Xie is truly good-looking, and I heard he’s very talented in cultivation, but why does he never speak? Could it be that he’s truly a mute?”
An Wuxue hadn’t expected the day he would say such words himself.
Being suddenly stung like this, Xie Zhefeng was already dazed.
Immortal Venerable Chuhan was still worrying about whether Senior Brother would be angry because of this, fighting every moment against the inner demon clamoring in his sea of consciousness, unable to distinguish for a moment where his Senior Brother’s anger came from.
“Forget it, I don’t want to hear you say it anyway,” An Wuxue pressed his fingers together, condensing his divine sense at his fingertips. “Withdraw your spiritual power protection and open your sea of consciousness. I want to take a look inside.”
Xie Zhefeng’s pupils shook: “Senior Brother!”
An Wuxue had already reached out to touch the man’s forehead.
Xie Zhefeng could have easily brushed him away.
If this person was dead set on not letting him see, a closed sea of consciousness could also easily repel his divine sense.
But Xie Zhefeng didn’t.
An Wuxue could feel his Junior Brother’s tension and resistance, but the immortal spiritual power didn’t harm him in the slightest, still allowing his divine sense to enter the sea of consciousness without obstruction.
His Junior Brother didn’t want him to see, yet he didn’t stop him.
This was An Wuxue’s first time entering Xie Zhefeng’s sea of consciousness.
Even when they cultivated together in their previous life, it was only their souls and divine senses that merged and intertwined.
The sea of consciousness is the most secret place for a cultivator.
Viewing the sea of consciousness is no different from cutting open a person’s heart to read it.
An Wuxue hadn’t expected Xie Zhefeng’s sea of consciousness to be like this.
All around was boiling blackness—the turbid energy of the inner demon.
The voice of the inner demon resounded through the sea of consciousness, accompanied from time to time by Xie Zhefeng’s categorical answers.
“…Why are you still holding back?”
“You’ve already brought Senior Brother back to the Frost Sea. With the barrier down, you can do whatever you want. Why not act willfully?”
“The immortals in this world have so many scruples, and good people never die a good death. Only demons can do whatever they want!”
An Wuxue: “…”
His Junior Brother’s response was very brief.
“Shut up.”
His sea of consciousness was being torn apart by the inner demon, and his soul was in pain, yet his inner heart remained unmoved.
The sea of consciousness churned even more violently.
Then came a thousand words An Wuxue had never heard before.
Xie Zhefeng’s conscious awareness was calling him: “Senior Brother, don’t look.”
An Wuxue ignored him.
If he didn’t look, this person would never tell him these things.
He saw many phantoms.
They were all “he” and “Xie Zhefeng” in different forms.
Some were past events from memory, some were moments that had just happened, and some… were scenes that had never happened, thoughts from either Xie Zhefeng or the inner demon.
“…”
No wonder Xie Zhefeng didn’t want him to see.
The sea of consciousness swayed gently, and Xie Zhefeng’s clear voice sounded cramped and embarrassed: “Senior Brother, there’s nothing much to see in these…”
Indeed, there wasn’t much to see.
At first glance, he almost couldn’t help but strike at the inner demon directly within Xie Zhefeng’s sea of consciousness.
He couldn’t even bring himself to be angry; he only wanted to withdraw his divine sense in a bit and properly ask Xie Zhefeng why on earth he kept so many thoughts bottled up without telling him.
An Wuxue concentrated, set aside his stray thoughts, and listened carefully for a while to the rising and falling words of the inner demon.
He finally understood what had happened on the spiritual boat.
Only then did he withdraw his divine sense.
At the same time, Xie Zhefeng slowly opened his eyes, his lips moved slightly, and he hesitated.
An Wuxue tapped the man’s forehead again.
“So that’s what you were thinking? That I’m only coaxing you because I pity you? Yes, you weren’t wrong about that. When I saw it in the illusion, my heart ached for a long time.”
Xie Zhefeng grew anxious: “Senior Brother! The inner demon is my own business; it has nothing to do with you.”
“The inner demon is your business, but even if you and I didn’t have these grievances, would you not be my Junior Brother?”
An Wuxue spoke particularly slowly this time.
“Why can’t I feel heartache? My Junior Brother has been entangled by an inner demon for eight hundred years, and has divided his soul for eight hundred years. He’s even afraid of me seeing those eight hundred years and doesn’t dare to speak of it. I truly do feel heartache.”
Xie Zhefeng’s expression froze.
His black pupils reflected An Wuxue’s figure, his gaze deep yet solemn.
He said: “But I feel even more heartache for Senior Brother.”
An Wuxue was stunned.
“I was indeed afraid you would see the thousand years after I ‘died,’ because I knew you would soften your heart because I divided my soul for eight hundred years. Actually, I no longer remember the pain from back then. That pain was far less than the pain I felt when I couldn’t find you, so it shouldn’t have been that painful.”
“And… didn’t Senior Brother feel pain?”
Xie Zhefeng’s eyes were slightly red. “To this day, I don’t dare to look back at how sad you must have been when you were covered in wounds, with turbid energy invading your meridians, returning to find me with hope, only to watch ‘me’ walk away at the Luoyue mountain gate. You never cry out in pain. The only time you did, I couldn’t pick you up, couldn’t stand before you with my sword…”
If he let An Wuxue see his pain so complacently, then what about Senior Brother’s pain?
Wasn’t Senior Brother sad when he was cornered at Jingji Plain by the cultivators of the two worlds he had fought with all his might to protect?
Wasn’t Senior Brother wronged when crimes were heaped upon him and he had no way to explain?
Wasn’t Senior Brother in pain when his lonely soul drifted for a thousand years?
A thousand years ago, his Senior Brother already carried too much on his shoulders. Now that he could finally place it all on him, how could his own suffering, which shouldn’t have counted as hardship, become a heavy burden on An Wuxue’s shoulders again?
“Don’t pity me,” he said. “I can spend my whole life pursuing you, and I can also stay by your side day and night, entreating you. But you don’t have to agree to my entreaties.
“I am indeed always exercising restraint. I really want to force you to only be able to see me, and I indeed always feel like I’m about to lose control. But I will restrain myself.”
An Wuxue was silent for a long time.
He had originally wanted to say his Junior Brother was being over-sensitive, but after hearing these words, he couldn’t say it.
He raised his hand and wiped the corner of his lip.
His fingertips were stained with a bit of fresh blood.
His bite on Xie Zhefeng just now was very forceful, and he had even used spiritual power, biting through Xie Zhefeng’s lip and getting blood on himself as well.
This person’s body was formed through transformation. Looking closely, the fresh blood didn’t have the aura of a living person. He hadn’t looked closely before, so he hadn’t noticed.
He rubbed this drop of blood with his fingertip.
He muttered: “Giving you a good face only because I pity you? I killed so many demons and evil immortal cultivators before; why didn’t I ever pity them? If I were only soft-hearted towards you, I would just cast another Ruthless Curse on you to make you forget everything and be an Immortal Venerable undisturbed by private feelings. Why would I be here worrying about the connection between your demon bone and inner demon?
“If you want to restrain yourself, then keep it to yourself.”
He turned directly and walked towards the bedroom where he had previously stayed on the Frost Sea.
Kunkun had, at some point, already flown off alone to play deep in the pine forest.
Only Xie Zhefeng remained standing on the ground covered in swept-down frost, snow, and pine needles.
He also raised his hand and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth.
He thought about the words An Wuxue had just muttered to himself.
—“If I were only soft-hearted towards you…”
“Only soft-hearted towards you.”
What did that mean?
It wasn’t only soft-heartedness…?
Xie Zhefeng’s expression froze.
Not far ahead, An Wuxue stood on the veranda and suddenly looked back to call him: “What are you standing there for?”
A long wind blew.
In the blink of an eye, Immortal Venerable Chuhan had swept to his front.
The man’s eyes no longer held the previous awkwardness and panic; instead, they were filled with brightness. He suddenly put his arm around his waist, his movements careful, as if holding an unparalleled treasure.
Yet the force in his Junior Brother’s hand didn’t diminish, locking him firmly in his embrace as if afraid he would slip away in the next moment.
He was stunned: “You—”
The world spun.
Behind the two of them, a bedroom door was opened by spiritual power.
And closed with a “thump.”
By the time An Wuxue realized he had been placed on the bed, he only heard the man say in his ear:
“I can’t restrain myself anymore.”