Chapter 116#
The dawn-drenched North Abyss was not as windy as the night. The snow lay quietly around them, and the thousand-year-old immortal plums stood like graceful, silent beauties, freezing time in this very moment.
Everything was exceptionally still.
An Wuxue heard every word Xie Zhefeng said clearly.
Yet he doubted if he had heard wrong after a night of reading the jade slip.
He had already decided to trust his past choice and feelings once, to tell Xie Zhefeng of the Heartless Curse and wait for the man to break it and explain everything from back then.
If there truly was a reason to be told, then… then he would consider.
If not, then once the mastermind was found, regardless of Xie Zhefeng’s fate or his own life and death, he would never look back.
For this reason, he had stayed awake for two nights and spent the last one studying the curse.
Yet as soon as he pushed open the door, he heard Xie Zhefeng bring up the previous night, and he thought the man was going to be unreasonable again.
Before he could even turn cold.
The words Xie Zhefeng spoke were… were completely unlike anything that should come from Immortal Venerable Chu Han.
An Wuxue’s breathing faltered. He lowered his eyes, his anger unable to rise and his resentment unable to manifest.
He stared blankly at the fallen plum petals on the snow.
It had been a long time since he felt his chest filled with both bitter vinegar and clear wine simultaneously.
He felt drunk, and sharply sour.
“…Do you know what you are saying?” he said in a daze.
Xie Zhefeng said anxiously: “Is that not alright either?”
Those words had taken him all night to summon the strength to say.
An Wuxue shook his head, his heart a complex mix of emotions. “What happened to your arrogance from before?”
He looked up, catching a flash of dark intensity in Xie Zhefeng’s eyes.
—Xie Zhefeng was enduring.
He was merely enduring.
If their roles were reversed, An Wuxue would never be willing to do this.
Although Su Xue was a cultivation furnace in the eyes of others when he woke up, Xie Zhefeng had never treated him as one, and he knew Su Xue’s status was only temporary, so he hadn’t taken it to heart.
If Xie Zhefeng had harbored any improper thoughts back then, he would have chosen death over compliance.
Yet now, Xie Zhefeng was proactively saying such things to him.
“Be my slave? Stay by my side as a cultivation furnace?”
An Wuxue watched him.
“Junior Brother, you are the Sword Venerable of Falling Moon Peak, the lord of the two realms, the only immortal of the four seas. Will you truly abandon your honorable position and live with such an identity, even allowing me to join with someone else without interfering?”
Xie Zhefeng looked miserable, yet he nodded: “Or what else would Senior Brother have me do? I can do it, I will certainly do it. I only want to be by Senior Brother’s side.”
“In that case,” An Wuxue gave a light laugh filled with helplessness and complexity, “wouldn’t it be easier for you to just fulfill your desire by forcing me back to Falling Moon Peak? A millennium has passed. I am no longer the Senior Brother who led you to slay demons and walked with you through the mountains of Falling Moon. In status, position, and strength… I am no match for you.”
“You don’t need to humiliate yourself like this. If you truly wanted to do something to me, I would have no way to stop you.”
Xie Zhefeng asked softly: “At most, you would choose death, wouldn’t you?”
An Wuxue was stunned.
“Senior Brother is still testing me. If I truly thought like that, then I would have lived these thousand years in vain.”
“When you first left this world, I still held great hope. I felt I would find your soul and a way to resurrect you immediately. At that time, I thought that if Senior Brother returned, no matter what you thought, I would keep you locked by my side.”
“But centuries passed, my inner demons remained, and there was no trace of your soul. Every year I covered Thorn Stream with my immortal power, yet every year I returned with nothing. I then began to think, if only you returned, I would do everything in my power to beg for your forgiveness and give you everything I had. Constant dripping wears away a stone; I would have filled any void of my past mistakes.”
“But still, nothing changed. These past two hundred years, even after I had once rooted out my inner demons, I instead began to resent the heavens—if they wanted to punish me, why was it you who paid the price?”
“Until now, after a thousand years, I didn’t dare to think of anything anymore. You still hadn’t returned, Thorn Stream was silent, Chun Hua remained sealed, and the soul bell at the Frost Sea never rang once.”
An Wuxue looked away.
He looked at the cold plums on the nearby branches yet thought of the tall pine at the Frost Sea.
He had truly never imagined that the soul bell had hung there for a millennium just waiting for him to ring it.
Xie Zhefeng’s voice was thick with bitterness: “When I first saw ‘Su Xue,’ Senior Brother’s soul likely hadn’t yet awakened in that puppet body. Yun Zhou brought ‘Su Xue’ before me. To hide his puppet nature, ‘Su Xue’ kept his head bowed. I only saw a portrait—it was exactly like you. At that time, I wondered: if the souls of this world, whether immortal or mortal, had a place to return to after death, would they be reborn as mortals believe?”
That was only a belief mortals used to cope with grief, unaware of the heavenly dao and the mechanics of cultivation.
But Xie Zhefeng had been near despair at the time.
He was the only Long-Life Immortal of his era, yet he began to believe a mortal legend.
What if?
What if that similar vessel truly held a sliver of his Senior Brother’s soul?
“…I wanted to give ‘Su Xue’ some spiritual stones and treasures so he could have a good place to go. But Yun Zhou told me ‘Su Xue’ already had a cultivation furnace seal. If I didn’t take him, the Cloud Sword Sect would have to find a new master for him. I wanted to destroy the seal, but found ‘Su Xue’s’ cultivation was too low; destroying it would cost him his life. So I had to keep him.”
“I didn’t want ‘Su Xue’ to be used as a toy or a tool while wearing your face. I arranged a place with abundant spiritual energy for him. My only thought was that if I came periodically to maintain his seal, he could practice peacefully at Falling Moon Peak, living a secluded and ordinary life. If Senior Brother truly had a sliver of soul within him, then it would be a peaceful life.
“After settling Yun Zhou, Yun Yao, and ‘Su Xue,’ I continued to leave Falling Moon Peak to search for the fifth Heavenly Pillar Senior Brother mentioned before his fall. But again, I returned with nothing. I felt I was such a waste—what was the point of settling someone similar to Senior Brother and hoping for a connection? ‘Su Xue’ wasn’t Senior Brother. The person I wanted to protect most had been killed by my own hands.”
As he spoke, his voice trembled. Recalling even a sliver of that despair was clearly difficult to bear.
An Wuxue listened quietly.
“…Later I returned to Falling Moon Peak and saw ‘Su Xue’ at the gates once more, saw… you.”
In that one look, he had already recognized the completely different feeling “Su Xue” gave him.
Over the millennium, what he sought and searched for, even if never explicitly told to anyone, had been heard of by the experts of the two realms. Some knew he sought An Wuxue; others at least knew something related.
The act of sending him someone like “Su Xue” who resembled An Wuxue had happened more than once.
But by then Xie Zhefeng had been in despair for too long and had seen too many such “substitutes” brought before him over the thousand years.
He didn’t dare to hope anymore.
“At that time, my inner demons relapsed. I actually often felt that it was you, yet whenever I had such a thought or went to find you, my inner demons would confuse my thoughts in my sea of consciousness. I didn’t know why ‘Su Xue’ was different from those before him. Sensing my mind was in turmoil, my inner demons tried to make me turn demonic, whispering nonsense every day. It said I didn’t love you, that I only loved your appearance, that since I wanted you back so badly, I should just treat ‘Su Xue’ as you. It said so many things…”
“I have fought it to this day. It always hits my most painful spots to incite my fall. I have endured until now because I understood that I must live well, so I can continue searching for your soul and investigating the truth for you. I only wanted to see Senior Brother once more, to return to you the lifetime of joy the world owes you.”
Xie Zhefeng had long ago made up his mind.
An immortal’s life was long, as long as the heavens themselves.
He would eventually find a way for resurrection and the truth of the past.
If he failed today, he would continue tomorrow. If he failed tomorrow, he had infinite tomorrows.
He could spend his entire life searching the heavens and the underworld.
“Senior Brother,” he gave a small smile, “I cannot tell you how happy I was when I heard the soul bell. Every day since then, I’ve often woken from sleep thinking I’m still dreaming, and always afraid that I am.”
“If you say I am greedy, I indeed am. I want many things, but what I truly dare to ask for is not much. As long as Senior Brother lives in peace and joy, and I can see you every day, that is a great blessing from heaven.”
To outsiders, Xie Zhefeng was a man of few words.
He rarely spoke, yet now, speaking word for word with such sincerity, one could hear that Immortal Venerable Chu Han’s voice was actually very pleasant.
Such a pleasant voice was now used for pleading.
An Wuxue inexplicably thought of the song the snow demons of Langfeng City sang together.
Ethereal, sorrowful.
His mind was a jumble, and he couldn’t speak immediately.
It turned out that between him and Xie Zhefeng, he was the one less adept at words.
Xie Zhefeng added: “Does Senior Brother not believe me? I truly dare not ask for anything anymore. Actually… last night when you locked me out, I indeed thought several times of destroying the barrier and taking you away. But I didn’t dare. I didn’t dare truly do it.”
“Senior Brother, you once said I was obsessed because of regret. In the millennium you were gone, I indeed felt overwhelming regret, but my obsession only arises from the feelings in my heart, unrelated to regret. My regret is the price I pay; what does it have to do with you?”
“You’ve finally returned from death. If I were to ruin your joy by forcing you, how could I be worthy of the happiness Senior Brother once felt for me, and how could I be qualified to love you?”
An Wuxue blinked slowly.
He remained silent for a long time.
He thought that when his junior brother spoke so many words, it didn’t seem so much like the song of the snow demons anymore.
The song of the snow demons was mournful and despairing, wrapped in an indelible sorrow, devoid of life.
But Xie Zhefeng’s voice pierced through the river of time, reigniting the cold ashes of a millennium.
He could be angry with the unreasonable Immortal Venerable, but he didn’t know how to deal with the Xie Zhefeng who made lanterns for him by hand, nor could he be too cruel to the junior brother who had stood outside covered in frost, at least not before knowing if there were hidden reasons behind that sword strike.
But would he back down just like that?
It was only a few words.
Xie Zhefeng pleaded again: “I dare not interfere with Senior Brother’s actions. Will you agree to let me stay by your side?”
An Wuxue was somewhat at a loss by these words, but not wanting to show it, he muttered: “Even if I agree, could you really watch me and Jiang Qing being affectionate every day? The future is unpredictable; even I don’t know what I’ll be thinking then.”
Xie Zhefeng said firmly: “I would gladly spend a lifetime waiting for Senior Brother to change his mind.”
“And if I never do?” An Wuxue said. “What if I spend my entire immortal life only treating you as a junior brother while being steadfast in my love for Jiang Qing?”
The Immortal Venerable spoke the truth: “But Jiang Qing will eventually reach the end of his lifespan. I am as long-lived as the heavens.”
An Wuxue: “…”
All the bitterness in his heart vanished in an instant, replaced by a sense of being caught between laughter and tears.
What did that even mean?
The grand Immortal Venerable was actually relying on outliving others to win?
Truly…
He shouldn’t have said those things to Xie Zhefeng.
An Wuxue rubbed his brow and, leaving the door open, turned and went back inside with the jade slip.
But as he sat down and looked out, he saw his junior brother still standing at the door, his expression anxious and hesitating to speak.
An Wuxue truly couldn’t watch anymore.
He said: “If the Immortal Venerable is still unwilling to come in, is he planning to stand at my bedroom door and catch the wind for another day?”
Xie Zhefeng actually hesitated for a moment before walking anxiously to sit before him.
As An Wuxue placed the jade slip between them, he saw Xie Zhefeng slightly roll up his sleeve, revealing his wrist.
This was equivalent to leaving his life gate completely exposed.
An Wuxue: “…?”
“Senior Brother asked me in, doesn’t that mean you’ve agreed to what I said just now?”
What did he say just now?
Just now—
An Wuxue suddenly understood the meaning of the gesture.
Xie Zhefeng was exposing his life gate to let him place a seal to control him.
Looking at the man’s hopeful expression, An Wuxue blinked slowly.
Had someone stuffed a sour plum into his mouth?
Such a sharp, bitter taste.
He turned his gaze to meet the other’s eyes.
This time, there was no coldness in his gaze, only a layer of wistfulness.
Xie Zhefeng was stunned by his look: “Senior Brother…?”
“Junior Brother,” An Wuxue said, “do you know what I was thinking as the Chu Han sword light entered my chest and I watched you walk away into the distance, with that unreachable ascension tribulation cloud above, aside from not understanding why you wouldn’t listen to a single word from me?”
Thinking he was bringing up the past to settle scores, Xie Zhefeng’s expression changed: “I—”
An Wuxue interrupted him directly: “Don’t be nervous. I’m not here to settle scores.”
Xie Zhefeng was still nervous: “Then what does Senior Brother want to say? Why not… why not say it after the seal is placed?”
As if he were terrified An Wuxue wouldn’t do it.
Naturally, An Wuxue wouldn’t place a seal.
He said helplessly: “I only wanted to tell you that back then, having just escaped the siege and knowing I was about to die, I didn’t have time to think about much. There were only one or two things on my mind.”
“But from that moment on, all I thought was—from now on, my junior brother’s path to immortality should be smooth and unburdened, and he can live freely in this world, right?”
He withdrew his gaze and looked down at the jade slip, giving a self-deprecating laugh: “Even when I hated you most, I never wanted you to be in such a pathetic state, nor did I think of revenge or making you my slave. Do you understand?”
An Wuxue spoke so calmly that Xie Zhefeng found his thousand words stuck in his throat.
He said ashenly: “If Senior Brother is not in this world, I cannot be free. As long as I can see you, I… do not feel pathetic.”
An Wuxue’s expression shifted slightly.
He was silent for a long time.
The light spilled through the tall window, bringing with it dust motes.
The years drifted by in the dust, dissolving into the light and shadow.
An Wuxue spoke slowly: “For now… I have no plans to leave. There is no need to mention what you said earlier again.”
He didn’t explicitly mention Jiang Qing.
In his view, there had never been anything between him and Jiang Qing to begin with. Xie Zhefeng wasn’t wrong in saying Jiang Qing didn’t love him; he could see that too.
As for the Han Sang flower, he had casually tossed it into his spiritual pouch after entering the room the night before and had already forgotten it.
Of all the love, hate, and connections of the mortal world, the only ones carved into his heart were those related to his junior brother.
He felt that by saying this, he had made himself clear enough and there was no need for further explanation.
But in Xie Zhefeng’s eyes, all he saw was that An Wuxue hadn’t thrown away the flower, but had instead kept it, and hadn’t directly denied a relationship with Jiang Qing.
He couldn’t think clearly or be sure.
But since An Wuxue had finally relented a little, he didn’t dare to ask.
At least his Senior Brother wasn’t leaving.
He should be satisfied.
He sat there obediently, finally finding the mind to use his spiritual energy to brush away the frost that had clung to him all night.
Unaware of the turmoil in his junior brother’s heart, An Wuxue saw him settle down and placed the jade slip directly into Xie Zhefeng’s hand. “Take a look.”
“This is…?” Xie Zhefeng slowly opened the jade slip.
An Wuxue said steadily: “Do you remember what I told you about Master’s identity? At that time, I wasn’t certain of some things, so I hid one matter from you—something related to the Heartless Curse.”
Xie Zhefeng looked wary.
An Wuxue: “…I’m not trying to cast it!”
Xie Zhefeng let out a sigh of relief.
An Wuxue: “…”
Helpless, he said: “What I have to tell you is—the Heartless Curse was created by Master. I obtained it from the Qu family, and the curse in their possession was left by Master when he was still Qu Wendao.”
Xie Zhefeng was stunned.
“And… he actually cast this curse on you long ago. My previous attempt to cast it on you and then stopping wasn’t because I changed my mind, but because I discovered you were already cursed.”
Xie Zhefeng was even more shocked.
An Wuxue’s words were so unexpected that his mind went blank.
“But I…”
“You didn’t feel it, did you?” An Wuxue sighed. “So I guess the curse was placed when you were still young.”
“The jade slip in your hand is the method to break the curse.”
“The Heartless Curse, the search method… these are all tied to Master. Perhaps the answer to the crises in Zhaoshui and North Abyss can be found through this. What the mastermind will do next is currently unknown; whatever we say now is just speculation.”
“And your killing of me back then… I can’t say for sure anymore either. You likely have many things to say and ask, but I only have one word. The Heartless Curse makes one forget matters of the heart. Whatever you want to say, wait until you’ve reclaimed your forgotten memories.”
He didn’t look at Xie Zhefeng’s expression.
He slowly stood up, scooped Kun Kun from the bed, and walked out through the door without looking back.
“I’ve set up a barrier for you. If there’s an anomaly, I’ll return.”
An Wuxue stood outside, looking up at the morning light.
The sky was bright.
The sun was rising; it looked to be a good day.
Blinking rapidly against the blinding sunlight, he watched Kun Kun roll over and bury its face in his sleeve.
But he didn’t look back.
The light stretched An Wuxue’s shadow, casting it right in front of Xie Zhefeng.
Xie Zhefeng instinctively raised his hand to touch it.
But it was an unreachable silhouette.
He could only watch as the figure moved further and further away, the door closing with a thud and the barrier settling into place.
In that small space, the surroundings were deathly silent, as if he had fallen out of the bustling world.
Xie Zhefeng looked at the jade slip in his hand.
Heartless Curse.
His Senior Brother said he had been under it for a long time.
How could it be…?
Storms of emotion surged in his heart as his grip on the jade slip tightened.
A long time passed.
He relaxed his palm, sent out spiritual energy, and opened the jade slip.
The runes and techniques carved upon it were revealed.
Xie Zhefeng raised his hand and began to form the seals.
His soul trembled.
The technique glowed, and the runes floated into the air, entering his brow and settling upon the site of the Heartless Curse he had never discovered.