Chapter 62#

Outside the car, the wind and snow had somehow returned with a vengeance. Slanting snowflakes drifted down, covering the entire earth.

Under Qiao Nanqi’s despairing gaze, Zhao Rong pulled open the rear car door and stepped out anyway.

Qiao Nanqi immediately followed him out of the car, stepping forward quickly to stand in front of Zhao Rong, pleading in a low voice: “Don’t go, listen to me…”

Zhao Rong didn’t move. “I’ve finished listening to what you had to say.”

“Why do you have to marry him? For so many years, he’s had someone else in his heart. How could he forget those etched-in-the-bone memories in just a few short months?”

“Lu Xingping might not be a good match for you, and you might not even love him that much. How long has it been!? Compared to our ten years, how long is this?”

At the mention of the word “ten years,” Zhao Rong’s eyes suddenly flickered.

He said softly: “It wasn’t our ten years; it was my ten years and your ten years.”

Qiao Nanqi was severely stung by these words.

He almost couldn’t even stand steadily, looking as if he were about to kneel down in the snow. It took him quite a while to stabilize his form.

He choked out: “Tell me what you want, I can give you anything, absolutely anything. Whatever Lu Xingping has, I have too.”

“There’s nothing I want.”

“A thousand pieces of gold can’t buy my willingness,” Zhao Rong’s voice was very, very low, yet it carried weight, each word pressing down until Qiao Nanqi could hardly breathe. “If a thing like love really followed logic, if it really could be measured with material things, why would we be standing here like this now?”

“You say Lu Xingping isn’t a good match, and that I might not truly love him…”

He took a step forward, leaning in close to Qiao Nanqi until they were only a few inches apart, like lovers.

Qiao Nanqi looked down at him with red eyes. This approach was so sudden that all his words got stuck in his throat, and he even slowed his breathing, afraid the heat of his breath would disturb him.

Snowflakes drifted down, landing on Zhao Rong’s and Qiao Nanqi’s hair, like bits of the sky falling in starlight.

Zhao Rong raised his hand, his fingertips lightly sliding along the edge of Qiao Nanqi’s cheek.

The air was icy, and Qiao Nanqi’s face was slightly cold from the wind and snow. Zhao Rong’s hand, which had just come out of his pocket, was still somewhat warm. The touch of his fingertips made Qiao Nanqi’s gaze waver. He wanted to raise his hand to catch this rare warmth in the vast emptiness and hold it to his lips for a fine kiss, but his arm twitched slightly and he lowered it again.

He actually still didn’t quite dare.

Zhao Rong seemed to be tracing the contour of his side profile. Only when his fingertips landed on the jawline did he speak: “But do I even love you?”

Qiao Nanqi’s entire body stiffened.

“Do you remember a few days ago, on your first day at the nursing home?”

“At that time, you told me you could give up the career, status, and property you’ve schemed for over many years… But I thought for a moment about what would happen if you lost those things, and I suddenly realized that I didn’t seem to know what it was about you the old me liked.”

“It turns out that when I first left you, I still carried a bit of lingering resentment. Back then, I was just tired and disappointed, and hadn’t completely let go. But it wasn’t until I watched you stubbornly refuse to let go that I realized perhaps over the past few years, my obsession was also pathological.”

“At that moment, I suddenly understood. I’ve always been telling you to think things through, but it turns out I needed to think things through as well.”

“Yes, I might not love Lu Xingping that much. But I might not love you either. Perhaps over the past ten years, what I loved was your appearance and ability; what I loved might have just been your face that I’m touching now; what I loved might also have been the hand you reached out when I fell into the mire; what I loved was the past, not you as a person—”

“Qiao Nanqi, I might not love you.”

Perhaps these words were too harsh.

How could he have never loved Qiao Nanqi?

But at this moment, Zhao Rong finally understood that it wasn’t just Qiao Nanqi who needed to think things through, but himself as well.

What exactly did he want now?

Was it the past he loved rather than the person? Was it that he didn’t want to love anymore, or that he didn’t dare to? If he didn’t think it through, even if he turned back, what he got wouldn’t be what he wanted, and what Qiao Nanqi got might not be what Qiao Nanqi wanted. Wouldn’t that just be another repeating decade and the same ending?

He didn’t want to say it this way, but right now, he had to.

These words were so heavy that for a moment, Qiao Nanqi didn’t even react.

Seeing him like this, Zhao Rong stepped around him.

He walked to his own car and got in.

The car’s engine started, accompanied by a burst of mist meeting the cold air, and he drove further and further away.

Qiao Nanqi was heavily pinned by that sentence “I might not love you.” By the time he recovered from the endless pain, the car had already disappeared from his sight.

In that moment, amidst the wind and snow, a voice in his mind seemed to vaguely tell him—give up.

If you give up, it won’t hurt anymore.

But he felt that this thought was the most painful of all.

No.

It wouldn’t work.

He couldn’t accept it.

Qiao Nanqi stumbled back to his own car.

He stepped on the gas and drove to Zhao Rong’s house.

After Zhao Rong returned home, he sat on the living room carpet wrapped in a blanket, staring at the drifting snow outside the window in a daze for a long time.

He thought that if the wedding weren’t imminent, and if all those twists and turns hadn’t come to light only now, perhaps he would have already turned back.

He thought of Qiao Nanqi saying “I beg you” with a raspy voice. Earlier, he had only been slightly wavering, but now it felt as if he had drunk some high-proof liquor—it was only sharp when it first hit his throat, but as time passed, it made his head spin.

He forced himself to suppress his turbulent emotions and stared blankly at the snow outside.

After a long while, only one phrase remained in his mind from before.

—Things have come to this.

Then, he forced himself to calm down, stood up, and continued to handle the wedding matters decided yesterday.

He called Xu Xin.

“…”

“Yes, you can start preparing the invitations. Senior sent me the contact info for the person in charge on the Lu side; I’ll send it to you. You can integrate the guest lists with them.”

“…”

“Make both physical and electronic versions; after all, for some people, the electronic version is more appropriate.”

“…”

“By the way, prepare an electronic version without a name for me; I have a use for it.”

“…”

After hanging up the phone, Zhao Rong wasn’t sure if it was because he had been too busy these past two days or because he was exhausted today, but he was incredibly sleepy and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He didn’t know how long he slept.

He had too much on his mind today. Usually, he rarely had nightmares, but this time his dreams were incredibly chaotic.

One moment, it was back when he first transmigrated, not quite used to a nine-year-old’s body and often stumbling. Zhao Ming would gently tap his forehead and call him careless.

The next moment, it was the scene when he returned to the Chen family and saw Qiao Nanqi again. Back then, Qiao Nanqi’s gaze seemed to hold a bit of surprise, and it was that bit of surprise that made him feel like this person also wanted to see him.

Then the dream flashed to today, to Qiao Nanqi’s red-eyed appearance. The man opened his mouth to say: “Zhao Rong, have you really thought it through?” But the voice that came out was his own.

Zhao Rong woke up.

Daylight was still out, and the doorbell was ringing incessantly.

Still in a daze from his sleep, he immediately thought of Chen Jingnian’s driver. Worried the man hadn’t left and was still trying to cause trouble, he immediately took out his phone and opened the surveillance feed.

Then he saw Qiao Nanqi.

…Hasn’t given up yet?

He thought for a moment and decided to pretend he wasn’t home.

But the man at the door seemed to know his plan. After ringing the bell for a while, he shouted outside: “You’re home; there are footprints in the snow on the road.”

Zhao Rong remained silent.

Qiao Nanqi didn’t continue knocking. He was still wearing the trench coat that had been soaked by snow; the water stains on the clothes had already dried once.

He waited at the door without saying a word.

As if he were competing with something.

Zhao Rong closed the surveillance screen, stood up, and went to read.

He had already read the books on the shelves at home over the years. He grabbed one at random, thinking he’d read whatever he picked. He didn’t expect that when he looked at it, it was a science fiction novel.

Time Migration [1].

His movements paused. For a moment, he wanted to shove this novel, which had once appeared on the library book list, back in.

But the act of shoving it back felt like showing weakness—even though there was no one in the study watching.

Zhao Rong still took the book, sat by the window, and began to read it.

He tended to get absorbed in reading. At first, he was a bit distracted, occasionally thinking of scenes of seeing Qiao Nanqi in the library before, but later he gradually became immersed.

By the time he reached the part where humanity finally finds a suitable starting point in the future, the sky was already a brilliant yellow.

No sound had come from outside for a long time.

He must have left, right?

He closed the book, took out his phone, and looked at the surveillance footage at the door.

Then, his gaze froze.

—Qiao Nanqi was still at the door.

The man wasn’t knocking; he was just sitting under the eaves, doing nothing, just waiting like that.

His fingertips rubbed slightly against the side of his phone. After thinking for a moment, he called Xia Yuantu.

He told Xia Yuantu that Qiao Nanqi was at his place and that Qiao Nanqi was somewhat out of control, asking Xia Yuantu to come pick him up.

Zhao Rong had originally prepared to explain briefly to Xia Yuantu, but he didn’t expect Xia Yuantu not to be surprised at all by Qiao Nanqi’s actions, only telling him: “I’ll come over immediately. Before I arrive, if there’s any accident, tell me right away.”

After hanging up the phone, Zhao Rong walked to the door.

Looking at Qiao Nanqi waiting outside on the phone screen, he spoke: “Go back. What’s the point of waiting at the door no matter how long you stay?”

Hearing his voice, Qiao Nanqi suddenly stood up.

He leaned close to the door. “Don’t get married, Zhao Rong, please don’t get married, okay? Even if you delay it a bit, I can prove myself, and I’ll make you fall in love with me again.”

“The wedding date is set. Let it go; there are many unfortunate twists of fate in this world.”

“I can’t let go!”

“…” Zhao Rong didn’t know what to say anymore.

“I’m not convinced,” Qiao Nanqi gritted his teeth. “On what basis? You weren’t even close before; you’ve only known him for a few months! He told me the other day he was getting married, but he didn’t dare admit in front of me that the person he’s marrying is you, that he loves you.”

“If you really don’t love me anymore, then at least you shouldn’t choose someone who doesn’t love you that much. He loves you far less than I do.”

“What exactly do you like about him?”

“Tell me, okay? Whatever you like about him, I can learn. I can even learn to become like Lu Xingping. I can do anything, really, I can do anything.”

As Qiao Nanqi spoke, he suddenly felt his cheeks become even colder.

He reached up and touched moisture.

He had cried after all.

Fortunately, Zhao Rong couldn’t see.

He contained his sob. “Zhao Rong… you chose him; I’m not convinced.”

Hearing him speak like this, Zhao Rong actually felt some sadness.

When he left, all he thought about was that they would both be well. Qiao Nanqi would continue to be the willful, high-spirited Young Master Qiao, and he would live his ordinary life.

He ultimately didn’t want to see Qiao Nanqi in this state.

They could have both exited the stage with dignity; how did things end up like this?

He said: “When I first moved into your house, I also thought about this question—I wasn’t convinced, on what basis?”

“Later, I just stopped thinking about it. I couldn’t get the answer to that question, so I chose to give up on thinking about it.”

Outside the door, Qiao Nanqi choked on his words.

Zhao Rong continued: “You’re too emotional right now; calm down first. Maybe after you sleep or go out to clear your head and think about this again, it won’t be like this.”

Qiao Nanqi being like this actually made him afraid.

“We’ll see each other on the wedding day.”

Just as Zhao Rong was about to turn away, Qiao Nanqi called his name again: “Zhao Rong.”

His steps paused.

Separated by a door, the man’s voice became even more muffled, now tinged with a layer of determination.

“I can make it so you two can’t go through with this wedding.”

“Qiao Nanqi!”

“Lu Xingping won’t be my match,” he seemed to have gone mad, his words becoming more terrifying one after another. “There are many things I can do; both you and he have too many attachments here.”

“I won’t let you two be together. If you want to be with him, I can use everything I have now to make you lose everything you have now.”

“I can make it so you can only think of me every day, make it so you can’t live without me. I’ll tie you to my side until you forget him, until you love me again.”

Zhao Rong took a deep breath.

He had actually been a bit soft-hearted just now.

But precisely because he had been soft-hearted, hearing this now made him even angrier.

He laughed out of extreme anger.

“It’s a good way.”

“You can try,” he said, laughing mockingly. “Maybe if you do that, I’ll submit—after all, I did chase you for so many years.”

Outside the door.

Qiao Nanqi’s breathing hitched.

He instantly lost all strength and leaned against the door, slowly kneeling on the ground.

Pressed against the door, he heard the sound of Zhao Rong’s footsteps gradually fading away.

Only then did he speak softly: “But I don’t dare.”

Why did he have to have already learned how to love someone?

He no longer dared to do anything that would harm Zhao Rong.

So much so that now, even though he could do it, he would never dare to do it again.

He didn’t even have the last method to win Zhao Rong back.

He could only watch helplessly as Zhao Rong and Lu Xingping married.

Author’s Note: [1] Time Migration is a short story collection by Liu Cixin.