Chapter 83#

Affection#

Lu Yan’s movements were restrained, but despite exhausting his entire will, he could not conceal the turbulent emotions in his heart.

Yin Yuheng felt the hands Lu Yan held him with growing tighter and more forceful.

Yin Yuheng did not evade; the newly ascended Human Sovereign gently threaded his fingers into Lu Yan’s hanging hair, allowing Lu Yan to encircle him and tighten the grip around his waist.

It seemed that he was the one being confined, but the one with reddened eyes and a slight tremor was Lu Yan.

“A-Heng.” The young man in black lowered his head, burying his face in Yin Yuheng’s shoulder, his voice trembling.

“I’m here,” Yin Yuheng said softly.

Do you know everything now, Lu Yan? Do you know of my calculations, my deceptions, those un-bright thoughts of mine, and my imperfections?

Yin Yuheng had never considered himself a purely good person; during the times he suffered through the plot’s repeated torments, he too felt resentment and unwillingness. Although in the eyes of the world he was the gentle and inclusive Prince Yuheng, he knew that what he displayed before everyone was never his entirety.

In the past, Yin Yuheng had not feared anyone glimpsing the real him, but at this moment, Yin Yuheng finally realized that he actually cared about this person’s opinion of him.

Yin Yuheng opened his mouth: “Lu Yan, I…”

Yin Yuheng was not someone to let things just take their course; he wanted to explain, but Lu Yan spoke before he could.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know… I didn’t know you were in so much pain in the dreams.”

…Dreams?

Yin Yuheng was stunned for a moment, then suddenly understood. He had thought it was the Heavenly Dao’s will exposing his concealment from when he first met Lu Yan, but it turned out… Lu Yan had also seen that dream that had troubled him for many years? That dream where he was killed by Lu Yan over and over again?

In his daze, Yin Yuheng felt a trace of dampness on his shoulder. Were those Lu Yan’s tears? In an instant, it was as if Yin Yuheng had been stung by that tear; a strange emotion filled his heart, a bit sour and a bit burning.

“A-Heng, have you… always been suffering?” Lu Yan’s voice rang softly in his ear.

Yin Yuheng felt Lu Yan’s whole body trembling slightly. He was clearly already the Demon Emperor, a powerful figure who commanded awe, but at this moment, he was like a youth before his beloved, filled with trepidation.

In the sound of the wind, in the desolate forest, in this wilderness where only the two of them were, and in Lu Yan’s trembling voice, Yin Yuheng suddenly realized—

The reason the other person hesitated to return was not because of hatred or anger, but because he didn’t dare to face him.

What the other person cared about was not the deception of their meeting, but whether he was in pain, whether he had been suffering all this time.

Lu Yan was afraid, he was guilty, his heart ached for him.

Even though it was just a dream.

Yin Yuheng’s lips moved; in this instant, all the myriad guesses and the suppressed unease suddenly dissipated.

What had he been worried about?

Lu Yan would never enact the revenge from the “original plot.”

This was his Lu Yan.

This was the Lu Yan who had been proven countless times, no matter what—even if they were strangers after memory loss—would always stand by his side.

His torch, his sun.

Lu Yan indeed felt a heart-wrenching pain.

It was not because of the “truth” the Heavenly Dao had shown him about Yuheng’s concealment, but because of that illusion where he had personally killed Yuheng.

Lu Yan had obtained the Kunlun Mirror fragment and hurried back to Chaoge from the snowfields, yet he didn’t dare to see Yin Yuheng until Yin Yuheng found him.

Lu Yan buried his face gently in Yin Yuheng’s shoulder, not raising his head to look at the person he held closest to his heart, whom he wanted to carefully treasure and couldn’t bear to hurt even a little.

It turned out that for thousands upon thousands of days and nights, A-Heng had been trapped in that dreamscape. Did A-Heng hate him? After all, who would fall in love with someone who repeatedly tortured them?

He had only experienced the illusion once, and just watching it had already been heart-wrenching.

As for that arrow, Lu Yan thought, seeing the culprit of his nightmare right before him, it was only right for Yuheng to shoot him.

And he hadn’t even known Yin Yuheng was going through such pain… he had even thought he was being good to A-Heng, but when A-Heng approached him, would he also need to endure a sense of loathing?

Just then, Yin Yuheng moved slightly.

The young Demon Emperor Majesty also felt at a loss at this moment. He held the person before him tightly, not daring to let go, afraid of truly seeing a cold expression on Yin Yuheng’s face.

“Lu Yan.” He heard the person in his arms call him softly.

The voice was so light, so soft. There was no resentment or blame. Lu Yan felt Yin Yuheng lean a bit more against him, their breaths and hair intertwining.

Yin Yuheng did not continue speaking, but Lu Yan already understood.

The person in his arms did not blame him.

Lu Yan gently closed his eyes.

…He actually knew that Yin Yuheng didn’t blame him.

Lu Yan recalled every moment of his acquaintance with Yin Yuheng. He remembered the two of them drinking tea and reading in the Crown Prince’s Eastern Palace; he remembered the other treasuring his feather close to his chest; he remembered the other smilingly calling his name; he remembered the other trekking across the Ghost River and picking that damned Flower of the Underworld to save him…

Yin Yuheng had done too much for him.

No false affection could last so long or be so considerate. Lu Yan could distinguish between Yin Yuheng’s sincere and insincere smiles. Even if there was calculation and concealment at the beginning, everything afterward was pure honesty and favoritism.

The Heavenly Dao’s will had deliberately told him those so-called “truths” to drive a wedge between them, but why did the illusions created by the Heavenly Dao’s will not dare to continue showing the stories they experienced together later?

Because the affection that came later was all pure sincerity.

A-Heng had always been so good; even countless nightmares and hardships from childhood had never extinguished his radiance. Even when tortured by nightmares, facing the person who had killed him countless times in his dreams, he still had the courage to give. Neither the Heavenly Dao’s will nor fate were shackles he would willingly submit to.

“Lu Yan,” finally, the person in his arms called him softly again, “I really did shoot that arrow on purpose the first time we met, I’m sorry. Are you angry with me?”

Lu Yan was stunned for a moment, then shook his head.

A trace of a smile entered Yin Yuheng’s voice: “Then why didn’t you come find me after you returned? And why won’t you look up at me now?”

Lu Yan: “…”

Lu Yan’s grip on Yin Yuheng grew a bit tighter.

Yin Yuheng paused for a while and said softly, “Don’t worry, a dream is just a dream.”

Yin Yuheng had never forgotten that dream of dying repeatedly; even though he believed in Lu Yan, he occasionally couldn’t help but wonder if one day he would still die by Lu Yan’s sword, just like in the dream and the original plot.

But at this moment, Yin Yuheng was finally at peace.

Neither of them blamed the other. Even if their initial meeting wasn’t perfect, fortunately, they hadn’t missed each other.

“But it really was too cold in the dream,” Yin Yuheng gently lowered his eyelashes and whispered, “Hold me a little tighter, A-Yan.”

The sound of the wind around them grew noisy again.

The two of them were so close.

Lu Yan adjusted his breathing and finally couldn’t help but say those words that had been circling at the tip of his tongue for a long time, one word at a time: “…I am fond of you.”