Chapter 39#
Admitting the Mistake#
The setting sun shifted westward, its rosy light shining obliquely through the window lattice.
Yin Yuheng stood in the golden afterglow, his long eyelashes lowered.
“Sect Master Shen, Lord State Preceptor saving me back then was just an accidental act,” Yin Yuheng’s voice was desolate, “it’s only normal that he doesn’t remember.”
“Normal?” Shen Fengxiu crossed his arms and slightly curled his lips, but the smile was cold. “If Lord State Preceptor truly doesn’t remember clearly, then I’ll remind him. Five years ago, in Lizhou—Lord State Preceptor’s sword intent scared away a demon beast and saved Yuheng’s life. After that, Yuheng was constantly thinking of you and was deeply infatuated.”
Yin Yuheng’s eyelashes trembled: “It’s all past events from back then…”
He seemed somewhat embarrassed to mention things from the past and lowered his head.
Five years ago, Lizhou?
These few words made Li Guanghan’s brain go blank for an instant.
He suddenly understood and also guessed what Shen Fengxiu was about to say next. Sword intent abruptly appeared at his fingertips, then powerlessly dissipated. Despairing killing intent, like the stagnant water of a dark pool, permeated every inch of his flesh. He so much wanted to make Shen Fengxiu shut up forever, but the sight of Yin Yuheng pushing Shen Fengxiu away just now was still vivid in his mind, leaving him only to stand in place anxiously and dejectedly.
Yin Yuheng looked up and gave several people a puzzled look.
“Don’t say more…” Li Guanghan’s voice was dark and hoarse, the end of his words trembling slightly. He instinctively avoided Yin Yuheng’s eyes, “Don’t.”
But how could Shen Fengxiu be willing to stop?
Appreciating Li Guanghan’s frozen expression, he still clearly articulated the following words.
“However, five years ago, Lord State Preceptor was about to break through to the Spirit Severing realm. At the critical moment, he needed to comprehend the Great Dao and it wasn’t convenient to strike; for a whole year, he didn’t use his sword!”
“Li Guanghan, am I right?”
“Yuheng, can you be certain that the person who saved you back then was truly Li Guanghan?”
As the words fell, there was a deathly silence.
Li Guanghan’s whole body suddenly tensed, and Lu Yan beside him was also stunned. Lu Yan seemed to have thought of something, and his brow furrowed.
Yin Yuheng stood in place like a stiff jade carving. The late evening glow stretched his shadow, casting a layer of lonely desolation over everything around him. An unknown amount of time passed before Yin Yuheng’s trembling voice sounded again: “For a whole year, you didn’t use your sword?”
He looked up in bewilderment, his clear glaze-like eyes filled with an expression of disbelief. He looked toward Li Guanghan: “What Sect Master Shen said… is it all true…?”
Li Guanghan opened his mouth, almost wanting to instinctively deny it. But looking into Yin Yuheng’s clear eyes, he suddenly felt his throat was dry and couldn’t say a single word.
What else was there to deny…?
Yin Yuheng stared at him blankly. After a long time, as if finally having reacted, his face turned deathly pale.
“…So it wasn’t you.”
It turns out I’ve recognized the wrong person all along.
Li Guanghan hurriedly raised his hand, wanting to grab Yin Yuheng, but his hand was abruptly swiped away.
Li Guanghan’s hand froze in mid-air, a red mark appearing on the back of his hand.
Yin Yuheng took a step back, his chest heaving violently, a look of resistance and disgust appearing in his eyes: “Why did you lie to me?”
…Because I couldn’t bear to lose you.
I beg you, don’t look at me with that kind of gaze.
Li Guanghan’s voice was bitter: “I… I didn’t mean to, Yuheng. Don’t move… don’t pull at your wound…”
“Enough! Don’t touch me,” Yin Yuheng bent over clutching his chest, gasping in pain. “Weren’t my injuries caused by your own hand? For five years, seeing me running around for you and doing every foolish thing—were you very smug? With just one word from you, I was willing even to have my heart pierced… but…”
Yin Yuheng’s eyes were slightly red: “But, it turns out it was wrong from the very beginning. In your eyes, am I a fool?”
Words are invisible, yet sometimes they are sharper than a sword. Li Guanghan felt as if he had been split open, with all his darkness exposed under the light of day. When Yin Yuheng’s gaze swept over him, it was the cruelest judgment and punishment.
“No…” When one is too sad, the sense of pain becomes numb. Li Guanghan said softly, “I’m sorry.”
He knew an “I’m sorry” was too light and powerless, but he had committed too many mistakes; no amount of words could make amends.
Yin Yuheng looked at him coldly, then suddenly turned his head and reached out tremblingly to support himself on the table. Panic rose in Li Guanghan’s heart, and he rushed over to support him, saying astringently: “Yuheng, take your medicine first.”
He cautiously reached out his hand and handed the jade bottle to Yin Yuheng. He had been holding this bottle of medicine cherishly in his palm just to bring it before Yin Yuheng.
But Yin Yuheng didn’t take it.
Li Guanghan was somewhat at a loss: “Yuheng, I know you feel miserable… take your medicine first, okay? Your injury will flare up…”
Yin Yuheng gave the jade bottle in Li Guanghan’s hand a mocking look.
“I don’t understand,” Yin Yuheng said indifferently, “when you had me take blood back then, you never thought I would get hurt. Why do you now act as if you’re very pained?”
“Or rather, do you want to continue lying to me—tricking me into continuing to give everything for you and my junior brother like a fool?”
“No,” Li Guanghan’s gaze was despairing, “Yuheng, I just…”
“I don’t need it.” Yin Yuheng turned his head away. “No matter what the reason is, I don’t need it anymore. Whether it’s an apology, or medicine, or continuing to lie to me… I’m tired.”
It turns out that sometimes things given after putting in everything can also be rejected with contempt.
Li Guanghan suddenly remembered that for every birthday in the past, Yin Yuheng would go to great lengths to prepare a gift for him and bring it before him. But he had never cherished them, and occasionally even felt annoyed. Now that their positions were reversed, he wished he could bring all the treasures in the world to his Yuheng, turning his own heart’s blood into medicine to humbly offer to his youth… yet he could no longer get a single happy look from Yuheng in return.
So this was how it felt to be so sad.
“This medicine is…” Li Guanghan tried in vain to hand the medicine over. “At least take the medicine, okay? No matter how much you hate me, don’t hurt yourself…”
The once-lofty Divine Lord lowered his head, pleading hoarsely in a sincere yet fearful tone.
“I said I don’t need it!” Yin Yuheng’s eyes were red as he abruptly pushed Li Guanghan’s hand away. The jade bottle in his palm wobbled and fell to the ground.
Clatter.
The harsh sound exploded in everyone’s ears. The jade bottle shattered, and the pills inside rolled out, a strange medicinal fragrance permeating the air.
Li Guanghan was completely stunned. An unknown amount of time passed before he slowly bent over, half-kneeling on the ground, his hand shaking as he tried to pick up the pills that had rolled away. But the pills were stained with dust and couldn’t be wiped clean anymore. The wound on his wrist suddenly began to throb; the medicine made with heart’s blood as a primer lay scattered on the ground like trash. Li Guanghan finally couldn’t hold up and lowered his head.
Everyone’s gaze fell on Li Guanghan, looking down at his trembling back, looking at his white robes trailing on the ground as he remained half-kneeling, looking at the hand that held his sword vainly brushing the dust off the pills. His heart’s blood and his dignity had both fallen into the dirt, trampled upon by every single gaze.
If an outsider were to see this, they surely wouldn’t recognize this as Li Guanghan, the Spirit Severing sword cultivator whose single sword strike could stabilize the world.
After a dead silence, Li Guanghan finally looked up, revealing slightly reddened eyes.
“It’s alright, it’s alright if you don’t want to take these pills…” Li Guanghan’s voice was very soft, full of cautious pleading. “I’ll go find medicine again, find another way; I will surely be able to heal your injuries… don’t be angry.”
He was half-kneeling, looking up at his youth in the most humble posture. He was treated with the most contemptuous attitude, yet he only worried about his youth being angry.
He deserved to suffer… but the youth’s injury must not worsen further.
All the pain should be borne by him.
Li Guanghan staggered to his feet, not daring to approach Yin Yuheng anymore, afraid of inviting even more loathing gazes.
“I didn’t mean to lie to you, I just couldn’t bear it,” Li Guanghan said hoarsely. “Call me ‘Teacher’ one more time, okay?”
Li Guanghan suddenly realized that it had been a long time since Yuheng had called him “Teacher.”
Yuheng said he didn’t want to be his disciple anymore.
So, he had never called him that again.
Yin Yuheng was silent, and the last shred of hope in Li Guanghan’s eyes gradually died out. He gave a self-mocking curl of his lips, his heart feeling as if ten thousand needles were churning inside.
“I understand.” Li Guanghan said gently, “It’s alright, I will always protect you like a teacher.”
Compensating one by one for the care and concern he should have shown but didn’t… even though you already hold them in contempt.
Li Guanghan turned his head, his gaze sweeping over Shen Fengxiu’s face.
Shen Fengxiu instinctively took a defensive posture; he knew Li Guanghan wished he could kill him immediately.
But Li Guanghan didn’t strike in the end, only closed his eyes and said: “I won’t do anything to make Yuheng angry.”
Shen Fengxiu sized him up, then gave a sneer.
“Five years ago, Lizhou.” Lu Yan’s voice suddenly rang out. Everyone’s gaze immediately focused on him, somewhat puzzled as to why he brought up this topic again.
From just now, Lu Yan had fallen into a strange silence. He had been hesitant to speak, and now finally spoke slowly.
“—I was there.”
Yin Yuheng looked up, and Lu Yan looked at Yin Yuheng, their gazes meeting.
“Luoyan Mountain, September 9th, the Double Ninth Festival.”
Yin Yuheng opened his mouth, a look of shock appearing in his eyes: “You—”
“Sword light pierced the horizon, and the clouds all over the sky turned to gold. It wasn’t because of the setting sun, but the Golden Crow fire on the Black Feather Sword.”
Lu Yan sighed softly, his expression complex and subtle.
“Yuheng, that sword strike was mine.”
Li Guanghan was stunned, and Shen Fengxiu was also stunned.
“You…” Yin Yuheng supported himself on the table, staring blankly at Lu Yan, gripping the edge of the table hard until his knuckles turned white.
“Impossible,” Li Guanghan’s cold and panicked voice interrupted him. “Five years ago, what was your cultivation level? How could you have possibly scared away a demon beast with one sword strike?”
Yin Yuheng’s gaze flashed, staring at Lu Yan without blinking.
Lu Yan didn’t turn back to look at Li Guanghan, but stepped forward, took Yin Yuheng’s hand, and gently rubbed it.
“Because of the Black Feather Sword,” Lu Yan said. “Five years ago, I was still the Young Lord of the Demon Race… on the day of the Double Ninth Festival, I suddenly sensed my opportunity in Lizhou. So I took the Black Feather Sword and came to Luoyan Mountain.”
Li Guanghan was left speechless.
The Black Feather Sword was the divine sword of the Demon Race; Li Guanghan had also heard of it.
Everything made sense; at this moment, the truth was out.
“…I truly regret it,” Lu Yan gripped Yin Yuheng’s hand and lowered his eyes. “Why did I not meet you then?”
He had thought several times how great it would have been if the person who saved A-Heng back then had been himself.
It turned out it truly was him…
Yet he had never known.
Clearly he had gotten what he wanted, yet looking at Yin Yuheng’s weak state, he began to feel unwilling.
…If the person Yin Yuheng liked was him, how could he have borne to let Yin Yuheng suffer so much pain and so many injuries?
Suddenly, Lu Yan felt a weight on his shoulder.
Yin Yuheng threw his arms around Lu Yan’s neck, his head gently buried in the side of his neck, slightly trembling—it was unclear if he was crying or laughing.
Lu Yan supported him in a panic, only to hear Yin Yuheng’s voice softly ring out: “So it was you.”
“So I recognized the wrong person.”
It turns out we passed each other by so long ago.
*
Li Guanghan watched as Yin Yuheng threw himself onto Lu Yan, the two so close it seemed as if no one else around could be accommodated anymore.
Li Guanghan never knew that when he thought he was already in the ultimate pain, something even more painful could happen.
What was even sadder than Yuheng no longer looking at him was that Yuheng’s earnest and burning gaze had shifted to someone else from then on. He had become a loathsome passerby in Yuheng’s life.
He had recognized the wrong savior, and his Yuheng had recognized the wrong one too.
He thought he still had a chance to make amends… but at this moment, Li Guanghan could no longer deceive himself.