Chapter 36#

Fatigue#

Li Guanghan’s breathing hitched.

The words he had spoken and the deeds he had done over these years now became sharp blades stabbing back at him, causing agonizing pain in his internal organs.

“…Don’t overthink it,” Li Guanghan said bitterly, “properly nurse your body.”

Yin Yuheng was silent for a while before pushing him away. Feeling Yin Yuheng’s resistance, Li Guanghan blankly let go: “Yuheng…”

Since when had his eldest disciple, who used to admire him so much, started to reject his touch?

Before he could figure it out, he heard Yin Yuheng’s calm voice: “No matter why you came to find me today, it doesn’t matter anymore. I also have something I want to tell you…”

Li Guanghan suddenly had a bad premonition.

Yin Yuheng got out of bed, dressed in inner robes with his black hair over his shoulders, looking slender and weak. However, his gaze was calm, like a deep lake. He gave Li Guanghan a look and was about to kneel, but was caught by Li Guanghan.

“What are you doing?” Li Guanghan said in a deep voice, “Your body isn’t well, shouldn’t you be lying down properly?”

Yin Yuheng pursed his lips and didn’t insist on kneeling. He staggered a step to stand straight and said with lowered eyes: “I have spoken to you about this matter before.”

“This unworthy disciple requests to leave the State Preceptor’s Manor. From now on, I will no longer be your disciple.”

As the words fell, the room went silent.

The hand Li Guanghan used to support Yin Yuheng couldn’t help but tighten slightly, only to immediately loosen the next moment when Yin Yuheng frowned.

“…I don’t allow it,” Li Guanghan’s voice was hoarse, “I don’t allow it. Your imperial father entrusted you to me…”

He remembered how he had treated Yin Yuheng, and he couldn’t go on.

The corner of Yin Yuheng’s mouth twitched: “Back then, when I learned I could become your disciple, I was truly very happy… At that time, in my heart, you were the Divine Lord who pursued the path of the sword and cared for all living beings. I worked hard to become like you; I thought that one day, you could also be proud of me.”

“But later I found out it wasn’t like that. I’m just… a bit disappointed.”

Yin Yuheng looked up at Li Guanghan.

Disappointed.

These words were like the sharpest sword, making the blood in Li Guanghan’s entire body run cold.

Li Guanghan wanted to speak, but didn’t know how to express himself or how to make amends.

He truly wasn’t a noble gentleman who was open and aboveboard and cared for all living beings. What he had done to Yin Yuheng would be considered excessive by anyone. The facts were before his eyes, beyond argument.

Li Guanghan, who was always composed and calm, had never felt so flustered. He wanted to say, If you want, I can be an upright gentleman who cares for the world… I can become what you imagined, do what you expected. Just don’t look at me with such disappointed and distant eyes, okay?

You are my redemption, my light. If even you are disappointed in me… the meaning of my existence in this world will be lost.

Don’t loathe me.

An indescribable fear rose from the depths of his heart. Li Guanghan felt even more pain than when he was besieged by his fellow disciples on Penglai Island. His eyes were bloodshot, and his voice was dark and hoarse: “Yuheng, I was wrong in the past… I can change everything. I will be best to you… If you don’t like Zhu Anning, I won’t let him appear before your eyes again; I will spend every birthday with you; whatever you like, I will find even if I have to risk everything; I will find a way to restore your health, practice the sword with you, accompany you in doing anything you want to do…”

“I’m sorry, forgive me, okay?”

Li Guanghan’s voice was almost pleading. For the world-renowned Spirit Severing sword cultivator, there was almost no one in the world who could make him bow his head, and even fewer who could make him say “I’m sorry.” But facing this youth, he willingly bent his back. He was originally dragged out of the mud by the youth, and for the other’s sake, he could lower himself to the dust again.

Yin Yuheng seemed a bit surprised by his words, but still shook his head.

Li Guanghan froze. His mind was in a mess, and among the countless thoughts passing by, he suddenly caught one.

“…I saved you once, didn’t I?”

Li Guanghan didn’t know with what mindset he spoke those words. Like a drowning man clutching a straw, he didn’t have time to think deeply or carefully; he could only struggle to add to his chips—he couldn’t, absolutely couldn’t, let his youth leave his side.

Yin Yuheng raised his eyes, was silent for a moment, and finally nodded gently.

“…Yes. I have also never forgotten for a moment your grace in saving my life.”

Li Guanghan grabbed his hand and said in a low voice: “If only for this, give me one last chance, okay?”

Yin Yuheng didn’t speak, staring at him blankly.

“If you don’t speak, I’ll take it as your silent consent.” Li Guanghan tried to show a gentle smile, but he truly didn’t smile often, so his smile was a bit stiff.

*

Li Guanghan watched Yin Yuheng fall asleep before turning to leave the room, his expression a bit weary.

Lu Yan was still under the corridor, leaning against a pillar watching the rain. Hearing the door open, he turned his head slightly.

Li Guanghan glanced at him, a trace of ferocity flashing in his eyes, but in the end he did nothing. He secretly warned himself that he must never again do anything to make Yuheng unhappy.

Li Guanghan took a few steps and suddenly stopped. He turned back to look at Lu Yan, and in an instant, invisible spiritual power spread out, enveloping a small patch of the world between the two of them.

Even the falling speed of the rain in the courtyard became slow.

A single glance from a Spirit Severing cultivator could stop the wind and divert the rain.

Lu Yan’s starry eyes were slightly cold, and he raised his eyebrows and looked back.

“Since you’re staying by his side, then take good care of him. Don’t harbor thoughts you shouldn’t have,” Li Guanghan said flatly, “His injury is in his heart meridians, and the situation is serious. The urgent priority is to prevent the injury from worsening further. During this time, I will find a way.”

Lu Yan thought to himself, Do you even need to say that? When A-Heng was so severely injured before, there was no sign of you, and now you come here to put on an act.

Lu Yan truly didn’t want to talk to Li Guanghan and kept his eyes closed and remained silent.

Li Guanghan didn’t want to say more either and turned to leave. After leaving the Eastern Palace, he thought of another person.

Zhu Anning.

Thinking about how he had once harmed Yin Yuheng to treat this liar, Li Guanghan’s heart was full of hatred.

…If he took this person’s heart’s blood, using that method from before, could he heal the injury to Yuheng’s heart meridians?

Li Guanghan thought about it carefully, but realized that there was no second person in the world who possessed such pure spiritual veins and heart’s blood as Yin Yuheng. Not to mention Zhu Anning, even his own blood wouldn’t do…

Li Guanghan closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

If he truly couldn’t find a way, he would use his own heart’s blood first… although it couldn’t cure, it could at least alleviate a bit.

For his youth, he could do anything. Furthermore, he deserved to atone for his sins.

*

Yin Yuheng was lying in bed, not asleep at all.

“See, I told you there’s no need to worry about the damaged heart meridians; someone will help find a way,” Yin Yuheng said leisurely, “The one who is worried is him.”

Xiao Bai said with admiration: “You are quite formidable. Speaking of which, I thought you would resolutely break off relations with him.”

“It’s a matter of time, but there’s no need to push too hard, lest he has a bad thought and his heart demon explodes. I still have use for him right now,” Yin Yuheng smiled slightly, “Besides, grinding someone down with a dull knife is more painful.”

Giving a bit of hope and then taking it back must surely be more unforgettable.

Xiao Bai: “…”

Suddenly felt that Li Guanghan was a bit pitiful, falling into Brother Heng’s hands.

Yin Yuheng rolled over, wanting to call Lu Yan, but someone else came to report.

“Zhu Anning is kneeling outside?” Yin Yuheng frowned slightly.

The old eunuch wiped the sweat from his forehead, his heart also bitter, not knowing why people from the State Preceptor’s Manor wouldn’t stop coming today. The old eunuch didn’t know the inside story, but Zhu Anning was, after all, the Crown Prince’s junior brother, so he didn’t dare to neglect him and hurried to report.

“I originally wanted to invite Young Master Zhu in to wait, but Young Master Zhu resolutely refused and insisted on kneeling outside the palace,” the old eunuch said with a bitter face, “I said this wouldn’t have a good influence, so Young Master Zhu finally got up, but then knelt in the courtyard.”

Yin Yuheng raised his eyebrows, thinking that Zhu Anning was quite sensible now.

It seems that when educating a child, sometimes one still has to be heartless.

“Let’s go take a look.” Yin Yuheng sighed and haphazardly threw on a robe. As soon as he stepped out, he met Lu Yan’s reproaching gaze.

“…Going together?” Yin Yuheng silently straightened his clothes and walked to Lu Yan’s side, “Why so unhappy?”

“Now you don’t go to the State Preceptor’s Manor,” Lu Yan said in a low voice, “but they keep running here.”

Hearing Lu Yan’s dissatisfaction, Yin Yuheng burst into laughter.

“Fine, I’ll have them come less in the future,” Yin Yuheng blinked, “as you say.”

Lu Yan: “…”

How did he feel like a slandering treacherous official, and Yin Yuheng was that fatuous ruler?

Sure enough, Zhu Anning was kneeling in the rain.

He didn’t know how long he had been in the rain; his cheeks were red, seemingly having a fever. But he didn’t dare to get up, struggling to keep kneeling straight.

In a daze, someone stopped beside him.

Zhu Anning looked up abruptly and saw Yin Yuheng standing before him with an umbrella.

Zhu Anning’s body swayed, and he murmured: “Senior brother…”

Yin Yuheng sighed: “What have you come for?”

Hearing Yin Yuheng’s voice, Zhu Anning’s eyes immediately turned red. But he didn’t dare let the tears flow, afraid of making Yin Yuheng annoyed. His whole body was cold from the rain, and his voice was trembling: “Senior brother, you let me go back, but, but I have nowhere to go…”

He couldn’t return to the State Preceptor’s Manor; Li Guanghan wished for his death.

His senior brother didn’t want him either.

After Li Guanghan left, Zhu Anning was dazed in the rain for a long time, and finally stumbled to his feet and walked to the palace gates.

Over all these years, he had grown accustomed to relying on the Young Master, relying on his senior brother. He knew his senior brother loathed him and didn’t want to see him, but he truly didn’t know where to go.

He was homeless.

Not hearing a response from Yin Yuheng, Zhu Anning said in panic: “Senior brother, I truly am useful, I can be useful…”

By the end, he had brought on a sobbing tone again. He grit his teeth, forcing the tears back.

He finally heard Yin Yuheng’s sigh.

“Go away,” Yin Yuheng said flatly, “From now on, don’t call me senior brother anymore.”

Zhu Anning stared blankly at Yin Yuheng. He was trembling all over: “Young Master…”

“I am not your Young Master.” Yin Yuheng lowered his eyes, “You’ve grown up, you’re not a child anymore; in the vastness of heaven and earth, there will always be a place you can go. Go.”

It took a while for Zhu Anning to fully react to the meaning of Yin Yuheng’s words. He crawled forward two steps on his knees in terror, wanting to get closer to Yin Yuheng: “Se…”

No, he couldn’t call him senior brother, nor could he call him Young Master.

He had once been the one Yin Yuheng was particularly partial to, but now, all partiality and privileges had been taken back.

“Your Highness…” Zhu Anning pleaded in despair.

“Go.” Yin Yuheng repeated once more, “In the future, don’t kneel to anyone else again.”

Zhu Anning lowered his head dejectedly. After a long while, he slowly rose.

“I, I understand.”

Zhu Anning took a deep look at Yin Yuheng, finally turned around, and step by step, slowly moved toward the gate. Finally, the palace gate closed behind him.

Zhu Anning stood with his back to the palace city, facing the heavy rain.

He actually knew that his senior brother wouldn’t take him in. He had used all his strength to come here just to take one last look at his senior brother.

He was afraid that after this, there would be no more chances.

Zhu Anning looked around despondently, finally chose a random direction, and walked forward.

—If he couldn’t stay by his senior brother’s side, then what difference did the entire world make to him?

*

Yin Yuheng stood in the rain with the umbrella.

After a long while, he sighed: “…Fine.”

He instructed the people beside him: “Have someone watch over him; tell me where he finally went when you return.”

After giving a few instructions, Yin Yuheng turned his head and looked at Lu Yan not far away.

“Accompany me for a walk?”

Lu Yan nodded silently, took the umbrella from his hand, and stuffed a hand warmer into his hand.

Yin Yuheng smiled.

The two of them walked side by side on the streets of Chaoge. It was quiet all the way, and no one spoke.

“This rain is truly heavy and has lasted so long,” Yin Yuheng suddenly lamented, “It should stop now.”

“It should stop,” Lu Yan looked seriously at the sky, “You should also rest.”

Yin Yuheng’s footsteps paused, and he turned to look at Lu Yan.

The youth in black also looked at him, and their gazes met.

Lu Yan said calmly: “You’ve been very tired lately.”

“Not just because of the injury.”

“Your heart has been very tired,” Lu Yan raised his hand and touched Yin Yuheng’s cheek, “I don’t like you seeing Li Guanghan, I don’t like you seeing your junior brother… not just because I don’t like them. Every time you see them, you are very fatigued.”

“You truly do care about them.”

Walking in the world, who can truly be heartless? Getting too deep into the act, one occasionally can’t tell clearly. Because there was a sliver of hope, the disappointment was truly disappointment when it came.

“I’m not very good with words… I just want you to be more relaxed.”

The rain around them gradually lessened, and water droplets rolled off the surface of the umbrella.

Yin Yuheng lowered his eyes and smiled: “Lu Yan, just how much do you understand about me?”

It wasn’t written in the plot that you’re so good at reading expressions.