Chapter 23#
Chapter 23#
A flurry of thick snow fell from the Nine Heavens, as it had done a year ago. The cold wind wailed in the air, bone-chilling and sharp as a whetted blade.
Another New Year’s Eve, yet there was little festive atmosphere in the palace.
Su Yang sat alone in the Imperial Garden, with the same decorations as last year—fine wine and delicacies, lanterns and auspicious silks. No one approached, making it exceptionally quiet.
He filled his cup with wine and downed it, then filled it again and downed it. His gaze was fixed on the position diagonally to his right—where Lin Huaiyu had sat with him last year.
But today, that elegant figure was gone.
For over half a year, there had been no trace of Lin Huaiyu. The people he sent out, the wanted posters distributed everywhere—he had tried everything. He only wanted a small piece of news about that person, wanting to know where Lin Huaiyu was and how his health was.
But Lin Huaiyu had truly vanished, with no word at all.
Everyone told him Lin Huaiyu was already dead, and thus no matter how he searched, it was impossible to find him. But he didn’t believe it; he didn’t believe Lin Huaiyu would die. He never had.
He knew Lin Huaiyu wanted to hide, and it would indeed be very difficult to find him. But as long as the person was still alive, he would surely find him. He could afford to wait.
Su Yang thought while getting himself drunk; only by getting drunk could he “see” Lin Huaiyu.
“Teacher… Happy New Year.” He looked at the Lin Huaiyu sitting below, raising a cup toward that empty seat.
“Lin Huaiyu” gave no reaction, merely lowering his eyes, not even looking at him, his expression cold to the extreme.
A trace of pain flashed in Su Yang’s eyes. He walked in front of “Lin Huaiyu,” looked at him, and asked, “Teacher, are you angry? Angry that I did so many excessive things to you, and angry that I didn’t protect you well?”
“Lin Huaiyu” remained silent.
Su Yang downed another mouthful of wine, wanting to reach out and touch Lin Huaiyu: “Teacher, I miss you very much…”
But as soon as his fingertips touched “Lin Huaiyu,” the hallucination before him vanished in an instant, like the moon in the water or a flower in the mirror—shattering with a touch.
Su Yang’s eyes trembled, and his eyes instantly turned red. Looking at the vanished “Lin Huaiyu,” his nose felt sour: “Teacher… where exactly are you? I know I was wrong; I definitely won’t treat you like that again…”
But no one answered his words. The dignified Emperor of Great Yong could only speak to an empty seat, like a madman.
Su Yang rested on the table, drunk to the core. He had wanted to have a good New Year with Lin Huaiyu that day, but in the end, there was no good outcome. He was always like this, subconsciously hurting Lin Huaiyu, but he…
But he clearly just wanted Lin Huaiyu to stay by his side…
Drunk as he was, Su Yang stubbornly refused to let De Fu and the others approach, stumbling through the Imperial Garden. He wanted to have a New Year with Lin Huaiyu, a New Year that belonged only to the two of them.
But this wish eventually came to naught. Lin Huaiyu was not there, and his fantasy had been shattered by his touch. He could only walk alone on the empty palace paths.
Looking up at the moon, Su Yang seemed to see Lin Huaiyu on it. He finally managed a smile that looked more like crying: “Teacher, do I still have a gift this year?”
Lin Huaiyu had burned the safety talisman; what was Lin Huaiyu thinking at that time? Was he thinking that from then on, he would never give him a gift again?
Su Yang lowered his eyes despondently, and suddenly remembered those gifts Lin Huaiyu had sent him that were kept in the Imperial Study; he had kept every year’s gift well.
Since there was no gift this year, then he would go look at those gifts.
Su Yang suddenly quickened his steps, heading toward the Imperial Study as if remembering some treasure.
De Fu followed closely behind Su Yang, seeing him head toward the Imperial Study, and hurriedly served him.
For the past half year or so, the Emperor’s state had truly not been good, often hallucinating that Master Lin was still by his side. He didn’t sleep for nights on end, and his health had deteriorated; if this continued, what would happen?
He followed Su Yang into the Imperial Study, thinking Su Yang would just sit at the desk in a daze as usual looking at the death-exemption gold token. Unexpectedly, Su Yang opened the place where the gifts were kept today.
De Fu broke into a cold sweat instantly. Master Lin had taken the gifts that day, and he didn’t know if he had managed to return them; with the sudden changes later, he had forgotten about this matter.
The cabinet door was opened. Seeing the empty cabinet, Su Yang’s face darkened suddenly.
Where were the things? Where were his things? Where were the gifts Lin Huaiyu sent him?!
Su Yang stood up suddenly, searching non-stop in the Imperial Study, not sparing a single corner. But after searching through the entire Imperial Study, he found nothing.
Su Yang suddenly looked at De Fu, who was standing there with a nervous expression, and asked with ill intent, “Where are my things?”
De Fu fell to his knees with a thud: “Your Majesty, it’s… it was Master Lin who came before, saying he wanted to prepare a surprise for Your Majesty and didn’t want it to repeat with the gifts sent before, so he took them to look at.”
Su Yang asked, “When did he take them?”
De Fu hurriedly said truthfully, “It was… the day before the sacrificial ceremony.”
Su Yang’s entire person trembled at hearing this, and his heart felt an incomparable pain. He propped himself against the desk, almost unable to stand.
The day before the ceremony, Lin Huaiyu had taken away everything related to him, and those things were personally burned by Lin Huaiyu…
Su Yang sat down again at the desk, looking at the death-exemption gold token lying quietly there, as if looking at Lin Huaiyu. He dismissed De Fu and the others, murmuring to himself, “Lin Huaiyu, are you really so cold-hearted? To even return the gifts you sent me… you’re so excessive…”
“Weren’t they already given to me? Preposterous.”
Su Yang gently rubbed the gold token with his thumb, not even daring to use force. He was afraid the only thing related to Lin Huaiyu would be destroyed by him again.
Su Yang said softly, “Lin Huaiyu, come back and scold me, come back and hit me, or kill me, anything is fine… just don’t leave…”
He remembered the words Lin Huaiyu had Lin Fei say before he left, which were all words of blessing, something about the national destiny flourishing and long live the Emperor. To the end, Lin Huaiyu didn’t leave a single word for him.
He gritted his teeth, wanting to squeeze that gold token, yet not daring to truly use force, only grinding his molars.
He put the death-exemption gold token into his robes, close to his heart, and walked toward Qinchun Palace.
He was full of the smell of wine, so he specifically drank hangover soup and changed into a new set of clothes before slowly sitting on the bed. Although Lin Huaiyu’s scent was long gone from here, Su Yang imagined that one day Lin Huaiyu would return to his side.
Su Yang didn’t light the lamp, the room was very dim. His figure appeared exceptionally lonely in the darkness. He sat on the bed and thought alone for a long time.
He took out the death-exemption gold token again and looked at it in his hand; this was already the only thing Lin Huaiyu had left for him.
No, this wasn’t left for him either; if it weren’t to save Zhou Li and those palace servants’ lives, Lin Huaiyu likely wouldn’t even have left this gold token.
At the thought of this, Su Yang felt he should hate Lin Huaiyu. The other had wiped every trace cleanly, so what about him? What was he to do?
“Lin Huaiyu, why don’t you think about me?” Su Yang couldn’t help but murmur softly.
“Bai Jianqing said you cared about me, that I was in your heart. But I haven’t felt it at all. If I was truly in your heart, why did you leave me? Why didn’t you leave a single word for me, and why didn’t you leave anything for me?”
“Do you really… not want me anymore?”
Su Yang asked many things, but no one could answer him, and the person he wanted to ask was not here.
His teeth itched with hate; he wanted to find Lin Huaiyu back. He really wanted that person to stand in front of him so he could ask personally: why leave, why vanish in this way?
Why… abandon him?
Su Yang slowly lay down, put the death-exemption gold token into the quilt, and hugged the quilt in his embrace, as if this way he could hold Lin Huaiyu. For many days, he had always slept this way, but not a single night had he been asleep.
Sometimes he hated Lin Huaiyu for not coming to find him, and there was no figure of Lin Huaiyu even in his dreams. But he forgot that he hadn’t even been able to sleep.
He was afraid that as soon as he closed his eyes, someone would run to tell him that Lin Huaiyu’s whereabouts had been found, and if he wasn’t careful, he would miss it again.
He was also afraid he would really dream of Lin Huaiyu, and in the dream, Lin Huaiyu would tell him that he hated him to death.
He knew Lin Huaiyu hated him, but he didn’t want to hear Lin Huaiyu say it personally.
Su Yang clutched the quilt tightly, at one moment hating Lin Huaiyu and at another wanting Lin Huaiyu to appear by his side.
He knew his emotions were not good today because of…
Those gifts.
Those gifts that Lin Huaiyu had taken and burned were the things he treasured like jewels, hidden in the depths of his heart. Together with the memories behind those gifts, he kept them in his heart and took them out to recall from time to time.
But Lin Huaiyu had burned all his treasures, as if he didn’t care at all, yet every one of them was personally sent to him by Lin Huaiyu.
Why? Why could Lin Huaiyu be so cold-hearted, easily burning the gifts he treasured like jewels and burning the memories between them?
Why?!
At this moment, Su Yang felt he hated Lin Huaiyu to death.
He hated him so much…
Hated Lin Huaiyu’s cold-heartedness, hated Lin Huaiyu’s heartlessness…
But…
The young Su Yang reached out and took that hand-warmer full of handmade marks, his face beaming with a smile, saying, “Thank you, Teacher. I will surely be good to Teacher in the future; Teacher will never feel even a bit of cold by my side.”
The grown Su Yang in a black robe, on a bone-chilling snowy night, undid Lin Huaiyu’s robes and pushed the person down in the ice-cold Imperial Garden, humiliating and bullying him.
Lin Huaiyu’s body was trembling, crying out “cold,” yet he only wanted to possess the other, turning a deaf ear to Lin Huaiyu’s fine trembling and shattering his own former promise to pieces.
And that jade pendant.
At that time, the Crown Prince and he were as incompatible as fire and water. On the day he was calculated by Lin Huaiyu, the Crown Prince’s arrow was aimed at his heart. He didn’t have time to dodge and could only reduce the harm by moving away from the heart’s position, but the arrow eventually hit the jade pendant Lin Huaiyu had sent him.
The jade pendant shattered, yet it was Lin Huaiyu who saved his life.
He later found someone to repair that jade pendant, but the cracks remained.
Lin Huaiyu saved him again and again, saving him from the Cold Palace, helping him enter the Eastern Palace, and assisting him in becoming the Son of Heaven.
What reason did he have to hate Lin Huaiyu?
Su Yang could only hold the quilt that didn’t even have Lin Huaiyu’s scent, deceiving himself that Lin Huaiyu was right by his side, yet unable to sleep in any case.