Chapter 38#

A Throb

Lu Yan slowly opened his eyes.

In truth, he had been awake for a while. He had drifted in and out of consciousness when the car first stopped, but his mind was still a bit foggy, so he hadn’t wanted to open his eyes.

Lu Yan had a special constitution; even if he drank heavily, he could quickly recover with a little rest. He vaguely remembered what had just happened, and recalled that it was he who had suggested going out for a drive.

Today—or rather, yesterday now—had been an exhilarating day. For the first time in his life, Lu Yan had won film-related awards, and not just one, but two. Perhaps to outsiders, Lu Yan seemed incredibly fortunate—how many actors could land both Best Supporting Actor and Best Newcomer for their very first film? Yet Lu Yan knew how much effort he had put in to reach this day. All the lows and struggles he had endured before his rebirth seemed to have been for this very moment. He was grateful that even in his hardest times, he hadn’t given up. Heaven does not mistreat those who work hard and persevere, so he was given a second chance.

This second chance wasn’t just for his career—it also brought an unexpected love.

As for love, Lu Yan had originally held no expectations. His mother’s experiences had made him both repulsed by and disillusioned with it. The future he had occasionally imagined was simply finding a woman he found tolerable, getting married, and having children. It was fine if there was no love; life didn’t need that much passion. Calm and ordinary was the true essence. Lu Yan believed he would be a good husband and father, driven by responsibility and duty, and he would be accountable to his family.

But then Su Mo appeared.

This man, strong-willed and proud at his core, used his sincerity and patience to gradually break down Lu Yan’s defenses. From initial resistance, Lu Yan now felt a flicker of longing stirring deep within him—a longing he could no longer suppress.

Lu Yan didn’t know why Su Mo had fallen for him, but he knew Su Mo was serious. At their core, they were alike: once they set their minds on something, there was no turning back. Su Mo’s perfectly timed appearances, time and again, deepened the anticipation in Lu Yan’s heart, until a voice inside screamed at him: You can try trusting just once. If you let this pass, you might regret it for a lifetime.

If there was anyone in this world who would never change, Lu Yan believed Su Mo was one of them. This man had an unyielding will and was powerful enough that he possessed what many could only dream of in a lifetime. That also meant he wouldn’t be tempted by worldly desires. And these qualities were exactly what Lu Yan wanted most—to find someone to walk through life with forever.

So, at this immensely significant moment in his life, with Su Mo appearing once again at just the right time, Lu Yan couldn’t help but want to share it with him. He suddenly realized that if there was no one to share his achievements and joys with, even standing at the highest peak would mean being alone, and the joy would be greatly diminished.

Thus, even when his consciousness was still hazy, he instinctively didn’t want to part.

Even with his eyes closed, Lu Yan could still feel Su Mo’s burning gaze fixed on him. He shifted slightly, thinking about how to wake up more naturally. Suddenly, a cool, soft touch landed on his lips and vanished in an instant. Before Lu Yan could even savor it, it was gone, and he felt a deep sense of regret.

Realizing what it was, Lu Yan’s mind went blank. His heartbeat raced uncontrollably, and he could no longer keep his breathing steady. But then, he heard the car door open and close. The person beside him had left.

Lu Yan opened his eyes.

The moonlight was bright. He saw Su Mo leaning back against the railing at the mountain’s peak, pulling out a cigarette, lighting it, and slowly exhaling a ring of smoke. This was the first time Lu Yan had seen Su Mo smoke. He recalled Su Mo’s clean, slender fingers, without any trace of tobacco stains, and knew that Su Mo didn’t smoke often. Yet at this moment, watching Su Mo smoke alone under the moonlight, Lu Yan found him inexplicably beautiful. But the expression on Su Mo’s face was clearly one of melancholy. Lu Yan felt an inexplicable pang in his heart. He pressed a hand to his still-racing chest, and a thought suddenly struck him: if those beautiful eyes, which seemed to see through everything, ever stopped looking at him—especially if they turned to someone else—he would have the urge to kill.

Lu Yan thought back to every moment since they had met, and a secret, bittersweet sweetness filled his heart.

That’s how love is: when you’re indifferent, no matter how much the other person does, you feel nothing. But once your heart begins to stir, every past detail becomes a wave that drowns you in an instant.

Lu Yan steadied his breathing, unbuckled his seatbelt, pushed open the car door, and stepped out.

Su Mo heard the sound and looked up, his gaze slightly distant. When he saw it was Lu Yan, he said softly, “You’re awake.”

His naturally deep voice was a bit hoarse from smoking, but to Lu Yan’s ears, it only added an extra layer of allure.

Lu Yan walked up to him and saw that his usually neat hair had been tousled by the mountain wind, with fine bangs falling messily across his forehead, giving Lu Yan a fragile illusion. He couldn’t help but raise a hand, wanting to smooth those unruly strands, but under Su Mo’s questioning gaze, he changed direction and stopped in front of him, holding out his hand. “Got another cigarette?”

Su Mo didn’t suspect anything. He nodded and handed Lu Yan a cigarette. Just as he was about to light it for him, Lu Yan put the cigarette in his mouth and leaned in.

Su Mo was taken aback, but he still put his own lit cigarette to his lips. Lu Yan tilted his head slightly, bringing the tips of their cigarettes together.

With one inhale and exhale, the cigarette was lit.

Both of them had their eyes slightly lowered, their posture intimate. Their breaths mingled, and each could feel the other’s exhalation on their face.

Too close! Su Mo thought, his mind reeling. In truth, Lu Yan felt the same.

Lu Yan took a step back, then turned and leaned against the railing himself.

Now that his feelings were confirmed, he didn’t know how to bring it up. Lu Yan stared at the shadowy woods in the mountains, his thoughts wandering.

Meanwhile, Su Mo had finished his entire cigarette. He took out the pack, stubbed out the butt, and placed it back inside.

As with every time before, silence stretched between them. But this time, there was an added layer of ambiguous tension.

It was Su Mo who spoke first. “Mr. Lu, I haven’t yet congratulated you on winning both awards.”

Lu Yan, elbows resting on the railing, turned slightly to look at him. “You already did. Back then, I heard you.”

Su Mo recalled Lu Yan gripping his hand and that subtle squeeze in his palm. His heart warmed, but he didn’t know if Lu Yan had meant anything by it.

“I’m very glad,” Lu Yan said, his gaze especially focused. “That you were there at that moment.”

Su Mo felt his heartbeat quicken unnaturally.

Under Su Mo’s burning gaze, Lu Yan slowly leaned in, tilted his head slightly, and brushed his lips against Su Mo’s in a fleeting touch, then quickly pulled back.

Su Mo was stunned. Lu Yan licked his lips and gave a mischievous smile. “That’s my return gift.”

Su Mo felt a bit lightheaded.

Lu Yan had already turned and walked nonchalantly back to the car, tossing over his shoulder, “Let’s go back. It’s getting late.”