Chapter 11#
Offerings to the Homophobic Straight Man: Crematorium 11#
A tasteless dinner ended in silence.
Shen Youli efficiently tidied up the utensils, and the ward became quiet once again.
However, another practical problem immediately presented itself to Qiao Qing.
How was he going to bathe?
Lying on the hospital bed, he felt uncomfortable all over.
Although the nurse had helped him with basic cleaning after the accident, it felt completely different now that he was fully conscious.
Shen Youli seemed always able to precisely capture his needs.
He looked at Qiao Qing’s slightly awkward expression and spoke understandingly: “Your wounds haven’t healed yet, so you can’t take a shower. You can only do a simple sponge bath tonight.”
Without waiting for Qiao Qing to respond, he turned and went into the ward’s private bathroom, soon returning with a basin of warm water and a clean, soft towel.
Watching his preparations, the tips of Qiao Qing’s ears began to heat up uncontrollably again.
Even though they were both men, having someone… who had just confessed to him help wipe his body felt incredibly bizarre.
Shen Youli, however, appeared exceptionally composed, as if this were truly just a necessary task.
He walked to the bedside and, with gentle yet firm movements, helped Qiao Qing sit up and removed the hospital gown from his upper body.
As the cool air touched his skin, Qiao Qing subconsciously recoiled. His bare upper body developed small goosebumps from the embarrassment and the slight chill.
Shen Youli’s gaze lingered for a moment on Qiao Qing’s well-defined but somewhat thin torso, which looked fragile due to the injury. His eyes darkened slightly, but he quickly regained his professional composure.
He wrung out the towel. The warm, moist cloth landed gently on Qiao Qing’s skin, starting from his neck and meticulously wiping across his collarbone, chest, and arms, carefully avoiding all bandaged wounds and bruised areas.
His movements were very gentle, carrying a kind of near-pious focus.
As the towel moved across his skin, bringing a warm itch, Qiao Qing’s muscles tensed unconsciously, and his breathing slowed significantly.
His gaze drifted aimlessly, not daring to look at the nearby Shen Youli. He felt as if his ears were hot enough to burn.
Amidst this quiet and ambiguous atmosphere, Shen Youli suddenly spoke, his voice deep, breaking the silence:
“Qiao Qing, why don’t you… consider being with me?”
Qiao Qing’s body stiffened almost imperceptibly. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled:
“Dr. Shen, I’ve just been through a very failed unrequited love. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. Can you give me a break?”
Shen Youli’s wiping motion paused. He murmured something softly—so softly that in the quiet ward, Qiao Qing still heard it:
“Do you like him that much?”
Qiao Qing’s lips curled into a bitter arc, and he didn’t deny it:
“It’s been a relationship of over twenty years… it’s not something you can just let go of immediately.”
It wasn’t just love; it was a habit that had integrated into his blood and bones.
Shen Youli remained silent for a moment and continued his movements, the towel moving to Qiao Qing’s waist and abdomen.
He asked again, his tone filled with curiosity:
“Then how did you fall in love with him? I observed you two before… at school.”
“To be honest, Lin Jinbai seems so arrogant and has a bad temper. He treats everyone with indifference.”
Perhaps because he had experienced too much shock tonight, or perhaps because Shen Youli’s quiet listening posture provided a sense of inexplicable security.
Or perhaps because those emotions suppressed in his heart for too long really needed an outlet, Qiao Qing’s chatterbox was thus opened.
His gaze was somewhat vacant, falling into distant memories, and his voice took on a trace of floatiness:
“I’ve known him… for over twenty years. Since elementary school.”
He paused, as if organizing his words.
“He was an orphan whose parents died early, raised in his grandfather’s house. And me… I’m an illegitimate son not acknowledged by the Qiao family.”
“Both of us were characters in that compound who weren’t liked by the other children—we were marginalized outcasts.”
“So, naturally, we started playing together. Going to school together, doing homework together, being bullied together…”
“Later, when we were bullied too hard, we resisted together, fighting back desperately. Gradually, no one dared to provoke us anymore.”
Shen Youli listened silently, his movements still gentle as he carefully wiped Qiao Qing’s back with the warm towel, not interrupting him.
“Maybe it was just… huddling together for warmth for too long.”
Qiao Qing’s voice carried a faint melancholy.
“In that environment, each other was the only warmth and support.”
“Feelings changed imperceptibly. By the time I realized it, I couldn’t move my gaze away from him.”
He spoke of those years of mutual reliance during their youth.
His tone was calm, yet it conveyed the weight and helplessness of that relationship more than any intense accusation.
Shen Youli remained quiet throughout, like the most patient listener.
He didn’t judge or interrupt, just used the warm towel in his hand to wipe Qiao Qing’s body bit by bit.
When the warm towel wiped the sensitive skin on his waist, Qiao Qing trembled slightly uncontrollably.
Shen Youli slowed his movements even more, as if handling a fragile treasure.
“And then?” Shen Youli’s voice was very soft, as if afraid of disturbing the flow of this memory.
“High school, university… it just continued like this?”
“Mm.” Qiao Qing gave a low response, his gaze still unfocused, staring at a point in the void.
“In high school, I helped him with homework, brought him breakfast, and drove away the kids who bullied him. In university… he couldn’t get used to the canteen food, so I rented a small apartment off-campus and cooked for him every day.”
“He has a bad stomach and is a very picky eater. To make him eat more, I practically wore out the cookbooks.”
There was no complaint in his tone, only a deep-seated habit, as if these sacrifices were only natural.
“After starting work, he joined the Yu family’s group, starting from the bottom. There was a lot of socializing and pressure, and he often drank until his stomach bled. I learned to brew various stomach-nourishing soups, and no matter how late it was, I would wait for him to return, preparing sobriety medicine and warm water for him…”
Qiao Qing’s voice gradually lowered, carrying a hint of self-deprecation. “Looking back now, I might have… long ago lived my life as an expendable… nanny by his side.”
A perfectly handy tool tailored specifically for Lin Jinbai.
Shen Youli stopped his movements and dipped the towel into the water to wash it again.
The sound of splashing water broke the silence of the ward.
He looked up at Qiao Qing, his expression complex:
“Don’t you think… you were too good to him? So good that… he might have already taken all of this for granted.”
Qiao Qing smiled bitterly: “Yeah, I think so too.”
“So in the end, even I couldn’t distinguish whether it was because I loved him or because I was used to being good to him, used to making him the center of my life.”
He paused, his voice carrying a fatigue that felt like liberation.
“It wasn’t until he personally said the word ‘disgusting’ that I seemed to… suddenly be splashed awake.”
Shen Youli remained silent, continuing to wipe his back.
The warm towel brought a comfortable warmth, and it also seemed to be ironing out those years of old scars bit by bit.
“Dr. Shen,” Qiao Qing suddenly turned his head, looking at Shen Youli proactively for the first time, his eyes filled with sincere confusion.
“You said you’ve had a crush on me for over a decade… but what do you like about me?”
“We haven’t even truly spent time together. What you see might just be… a joke who spent over ten years foolishly revolving around someone else.”
Shen Youli met his gaze. In those eyes that always held a bit of teasing or composure, there was now an exceptionally serious emotion.
“It’s not a joke,” he denied decisively.
“What I saw was someone who, in the freezing river water, despite grumbling, would still use all their strength to save a stranger… a soft-hearted and kind person.”
“When I was in high school, I was always secretly watching you. I know you are a very good person.”
His voice wasn’t loud, but every word struck clearly against Qiao Qing’s heart.
“The person I like is exactly who you are. Not the you revolving around him, but yourself.” Shen Youli looked at him, saying each word deliberately.
“Qiao Qing, you are very good and deserve to be cherished, to be held in the palm of someone’s hand, not to have your heart trampled upon.”
Qiao Qing was stunned.
Looking at the undisguised appreciation and seriousness in Shen Youli’s eyes, his heart felt like it had been lightly bumped by something.
A bit sour, a bit stinging, and with a trace of unfamiliar warmth.
For so many years, his social circle had basically only consisted of Lin Jinbai.
Back home, what he heard most was the disdain for being an “illegitimate son.”
And away from home, what he faced was still Lin Jinbai’s charity-like reliance and habitual taking.
No one had ever told him so directly and firmly—you are good, you are worth it.
He hurriedly averted his gaze, feeling his eyes heat up, and could only whisper: “…Thank you.”
Shen Youli didn’t continue this topic; he knew when to stop.
He carefully finished wiping Qiao Qing’s upper body and helped him put on a clean hospital gown. His movements were professional and efficient, without any further ambiguous transgressions.
“Alright, that’s enough for tonight. We’ll deal with your lower body when you’re feeling better.”
Shen Youli picked up the basin, his tone returning to its usual gentleness. “Get some rest early.”
He walked into the bathroom to pour out the water, leaving Qiao Qing alone leaning against the headboard, his thoughts like a pond into which a stone had been thrown, unable to settle for a long time.
Outside the window, the moonlight was bright, casting a cool glow into the ward.
Qiao Qing looked at the deep night outside and, for the first time, began to seriously consider.
Perhaps he really should try looking at the other people and other scenery around him.