Chapter 44#

Doesn’t Even Count.#

Si Jingheng stood frozen on the spot.

The person who once lay in his arms was now closing their eyes, snuggling into another man’s embrace, and accepting someone else’s kiss.

A sharp pain suddenly pierced his heart, hurting so much that his vision went black in waves and his ears buzzed, blocking out all sound. Only his heavy, rapid breathing and the thudding of his heartbeat remained to remind him that he was still alive.

Subconsciously, Si Jingheng reached out to grip the railing beside him. His fingertips dug deep into the crevices of the vines from the sheer force, completely oblivious to them being cut by the sharp thorns. Blood dripped from his fingertips, blooming into a small patch of dark red on the ground.

He almost fainted on the spot. His body swayed, his footsteps stumbled, and he barely managed to steady himself.

How could this be? Qi Xu had clearly loved him so much. How could he accept someone else so easily in just a few short months?

No, he didn’t believe it.

Si Jingheng stared dead-on at those two tightly embracing figures, his eyes bloodshot, like a beast on the verge of madness.

He must have seen it wrong. It had to be that man forcing Qi Xu. Qi Xu was so gentle and kind; he surely couldn’t bear to refuse others. Or maybe this was just a joke between them? It had to be. Qi Xu still had him in his heart; he couldn’t possibly fall in love with someone else this quickly.

Over and over, he told himself this in his heart, trying to find any self-deceiving excuse. Yet, the scene before his eyes was like a sharp knife, repeatedly carving into his heart, causing him excruciating pain.

Jealousy and regret devoured his rationality like poisonous snakes. He wished he could rush in, pull that man away from Qi Xu, snatch Qi Xu back, and tell everyone that Qi Xu was his.

But he didn’t dare. He was afraid that if he acted on impulse, he would completely infuriate Qi Xu, make Qi Xu hate him even more, and strip him of the chance to even stay in this city, near Qi Xu.

He could only hide outside the railing like an interloper, watching with his own eyes as his beloved shared intimate moments with someone else.

“Sir, we’re all set. Let’s go!” The crisp voice of the girl with the ponytail interrupted Si Jingheng’s breakdown. The two girls walked over quickly, bright smiles on their faces, completely oblivious to his abnormality.

Si Jingheng snapped back to reality, as if shaken awake from a nightmare. He quickly pulled back all the emotions on his face, slowly turned around, and put his back to the scene that brought him such agonizing pain.

The blood on his fingertips had already dried, sticking to his skin and bringing a dull sting.

“Okay.”

The two girls didn’t think much of it and smiled. “The guesthouse is just ahead. We’ll be there soon!”

Si Jingheng followed behind them numbly, his steps heavy as if filled with lead. Every step felt like walking on the edge of a blade. His gaze drifted unconsciously toward the ginkgo tree, yet he didn’t dare take another look, terrified of seeing those soul-crushing images again. The scene from earlier replayed over and over in his mind: Qi Xu’s smile, that man’s embrace, that glaring kiss—every detail was so vivid it felt as if it were right before his eyes, tormenting him repeatedly.

He didn’t know how he managed to walk to the entrance. Only when the two girls stopped did he lift his head in a daze. The guesthouse in front of him was even more beautiful than in the photos, designed in a style that Qi Xu liked.

Standing at the entrance of the guesthouse, Si Jingheng was filled with a torrent of mixed emotions. A thousand words clogged his throat, yet he couldn’t utter a single one. He didn’t know how to face Qi Xu, nor did he know what to say when he saw him.

Should he question why he had fallen for someone else so quickly? Or humbly beg him for another chance?

But at the thought that Qi Xu might have truly fallen for someone else and might never return to his side, Si Jingheng felt that life was no longer worth living.

Si Jingheng’s steps paused for only a fraction of a second before he followed the two girls inside.

No matter what, he had to try. Even if there was only a one-in-a-ten-thousand chance, he could not give up.

Just as they entered the lobby, one of the girls suddenly said, “Oh dear, I think I left my phone in the restroom. I’ll go get it. You go ahead and help this gentleman check in first!” With that, she turned and ran out.

The girl with the ponytail nodded and led Si Jingheng to the front desk. The reception area was elegantly decorated, featuring a wooden counter adorned with a few small green potted plants. The warm lighting made the entire lobby feel even cozier.

Qi Xu was currently standing behind the counter, looking down at the computer screen, focused on processing transactions. His fingers tapped rapidly on the keyboard, the lines of his profile soft, as sunlight streamed through the adjacent window, casting a warm halo over him.

Seeming to sense someone arriving, Qi Xu didn’t even lift his head, habitually asking, “Hello, how can I help you?”

The voice he had yearned for day and night, after several months, clearly entered his ears once more. It was gentler than in his memory, yet far more distant.

Si Jingheng took a deep breath, trying his best to calm his surging emotions. Summoning all his strength, he managed to squeeze two words out of his throat: “Check in.”

Si Jingheng?

Qi Xu would probably never forget this voice for the rest of his life.

Qi Xu’s body froze instantly. His fingers typing on the keyboard stopped dead as if under a binding spell. His blood seemed to rush to his head in an instant, only to recede completely in the next second, turning his face deathly pale. He couldn’t believe his ears. The voice that had made him love down to his bones, yet hate with a passion, the voice he thought he would never hear again, actually appeared here.

In shock, Qi Xu raised his head and abruptly met Si Jingheng’s gaze.

Si Jingheng stood not far from him, dressed in a casual suit with a long black coat over it. Although he looked somewhat weary, his noble demeanor remained unmistakable. His gaze locked onto Qi Xu’s face with an almost obsessive heat, as if wanting to devour him entirely.

The moment their eyes met, time seemed to stand still.

The girl, oblivious to the tense atmosphere between the two, smiled and pushed her ID card toward Qi Xu. “It was booked under my ID, but…”

Before she could finish her sentence, a crisp slapping sound suddenly echoed in the lobby, shattering the dead silence.

“Slap!”

Qi Xu’s hand slapped Si Jingheng hard across the face.

Si Jingheng’s head was whipped to the side by the blow. A distinct red mark immediately flared on his cheek. The burning pain spread rapidly, carrying a hint of numbness, and his ears rang.

“Ha—”

Si Jingheng slowly turned his head back. A faint, self-deprecating, and morbidly satisfied smile played on his lips. He poked his tongue against the inside of his struck cheek, feeling the burning soreness, and a strange sense of satisfaction actually rose in his heart.

It had been a long time since Qi Xu had hit him like this.

Si Jingheng felt he was a bit pathetic, but he strangely missed this feeling.

They say the deeper the love, the deeper the hate.

Now that Qi Xu had laid hands on him, did this mean he still held a place in Qi Xu’s heart?

Having delivered the slap, Qi Xu froze as well. He looked at his slightly reddened palm, then at the distinct handprint on Si Jingheng’s face, the anger in his eyes laced with a trace of confusion and panic. He didn’t know why he had suddenly become so agitated, or why he had resorted to physical violence.

Was it anger? Anger at what Si Jingheng had done back then, anger that he had played him like a fool and plunged him into endless pain and despair? Or was it anger that, despite being about to marry someone else, he still showed up here and even brought other girls to get a room? Was that fair to those girls?

Perhaps it was both.

This man could always easily provoke all his emotions. Even after so long, even though he had tried hard to forget, the moment he saw him, all his disguises crumbled instantly.

The girl was also terrified by this sudden turn of events. Her eyes widened, and the phone in her hand almost slipped to the ground. She stared blankly at the two in front of her, her mind filled with confusion:

Could it be that the reason this guesthouse became popular wasn’t because its love-charm was effective, but because… of face-slapping? Was this some kind of novel kink?

Qi Xu was the first to regain his composure. Suppressing the emotions surging in his chest, he looked at Si Jingheng with cold eyes, his tone full of disgust and contempt. “Si Jingheng, have you no shame?”

Si Jingheng lightly traced the handprint on his face with his fingertips, a hint of confusion and bewilderment in his eyes.

The girl still wanted to complete the check-in process, so she braced herself to speak and break the awkwardness. “Um… this gentleman wanted to buy my booking, and he’s already paid. We came to transfer the room to him. Can we… open the room?”

The other girl also rushed in after finishing her call. The moment she entered, she saw the tense, hostile standoff—Si Jingheng with a slap mark on his face, Qi Xu looking ice-cold, and her friend standing by helplessly. Her jaw dropped instantly. She walked over quickly and asked in confusion, “What happened? What happened? Isn’t it just transferring a room? Do, do you really have to get beaten up for it?”

Qi Xu frowned and looked at Si Jingheng.

The two girls hurriedly chipped in to explain, recounting the whole story from beginning to end: they had met Si Jingheng in the library, lent him a power bank, and mentioned the Wishing Guesthouse. To get a room, Si Jingheng had given them two hundred thousand yuan to buy out their booking slot, and then they came over together to check in.

Listening to their explanation, Qi Xu slowly pieced together the truth.

Oh, it was a misunderstanding.

Qi Xu’s heart was a tangle of mixed emotions—both a trace of relief and an indescribable complexity.

He was relieved that Si Jingheng was not entangling himself with innocent girls as he had speculated. But the complexity was: why did Si Jingheng do this? How did he know about this place? Did he already know he was here?

Qi Xu looked at Si Jingheng, wanting to say something yet not knowing what. Originally, he wanted to refuse outright, telling them that reservations couldn’t be transferred. But when he saw the slap mark on Si Jingheng’s face and the faint trace of blood seeping from the corner of his lips, the rejection reached his tongue but was swallowed back down.

Sensing the tense atmosphere, the two girls quickly said in a slightly aggrieved, pleading tone, “The guy is really nice. He gave us a lot of money. We really didn’t want to transfer it either, but he really needs this room. Please just help out, we beg you!”

Looking at the sincere eyes of the two girls, Qi Xu’s heart softened after all. In the end, he was the one who had misunderstood Si Jingheng and even hit him. He was in the wrong; if he really refused to let him check in, it would indeed seem unreasonable.

Qi Xu remained silent for a moment. In the end, he picked up the ID card Si Jingheng handed over and began processing the check-in formally.

Soon, the check-in process was complete. Qi Xu took out a room card and handed it to Si Jingheng, his tone cold and devoid of any emotion. “Take the elevator on the right upstairs, room 304.”

“I’m a bit dizzy, I can’t find it,” Si Jingheng said. “Can you take me up?”

It was a very reasonable excuse, and Qi Xu couldn’t find any reason to refuse. It was almost dinner time, and he didn’t want to make the neighbor auntie wait anxiously. So, he silently led Si Jingheng upstairs.

Arriving at the room door, Qi Xu tapped the card twice, then swiped it open and handed the card to Si Jingheng. “Please keep it safe.”

As Si Jingheng took the room card, his fingertips accidentally brushed against Qi Xu’s fingers. He felt Qi Xu’s fingertips were ice-cold and exceptionally slender. Subconsciously, he grabbed Qi Xu’s hand. The contact felt freezing. Only then did he realize that Qi Xu had become so thin; his wrists were so slender that they looked as if they would snap with just a little force.

“Qi Xu, can we talk?” Si Jingheng’s voice carried a plea.

As if scalded, Qi Xu yanked his hand away, took a step back, and widened the distance between them. He looked at Si Jingheng, his gaze firm. “Si Jingheng, we are in the past. I don’t want anyone here to know about our past relationship. Can you do that?”

He only wanted to live a peaceful life now. He didn’t want to be disturbed by the past anymore, and even less did he want He Qingshi or anyone else he knew here to find out about his unbearable past with Si Jingheng.

Yet Si Jingheng was relentless. He stepped forward, closing in on Qi Xu, his tone urgent and pressing, “Qi Xu, just ten minutes—no, five minutes is fine. I have so much to say to you. Just five minutes, and I’ll leave right after.”

Qi Xu flung his hand off once more, taking two steps back to avoid his proximity, his eyes filled with disgust and resistance. “No, I don’t want to hear anything from you. There is nothing to talk about between us.”

A sharp pain shot through Si Jingheng’s heart. He knew that no matter what he said now, Qi Xu wouldn’t believe him.

But he couldn’t just give up like this. This was his only chance.

Without another word, Si Jingheng wrapped his arms tightly around Qi Xu, locking him firmly in his embrace.

The person in his arms was very light, very soft, carrying a faint fragrance—the scent he had yearned for day and night. Si Jingheng’s heart beat wildly. Feeling the real warmth in his embrace, his eyes instantly reddened, and his voice carried a hint of choking and remorse: “Qi Xu, I… I’m sorry. It was all my fault before. I was a bastard. I was blind not to cherish you properly. Can you forgive me? You still love me, right?”

He apologized over and over, pressed for answers again and again, as if clutching at a final straw. He knew how terribly he had behaved in the past, and how deeply he had hurt Qi Xu, but he truly couldn’t live without him.

Qi Xu was held so tightly he couldn’t move. He could clearly feel Si Jingheng’s powerful heartbeat, as well as the regret and despair in his tone.

But all of this was already too late.

“I don’t love you anymore, Si Jingheng. Let me go.”

Si Jingheng’s body froze instantly, the arms embracing Qi Xu tightening like a vise.

No longer loved him? How could he not love him anymore?

He didn’t believe it!

He forced Qi Xu’s body around to face him, his hands gripping his shoulders tightly. He stared intently into his eyes, his gaze filled with obsession and resentment. “Qi Xu, then who do you love? That brat?”

At the thought of the image of that man holding Qi Xu earlier, Si Jingheng’s heart was flooded with jealousy and rage, his tone turning sharp.

“It has nothing to do with you!” Qi Xu was incensed by his words. His eyes instantly grew sharp as he struggled to push him away. “Si Jingheng, let me go! This is my business, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you!”

As the two were locked in a stalemate, an angry voice suddenly came from the top of the stairs: “What do you think you’re doing to Xu-ge!”

He Qingshi had just returned from buying supplies. The moment he walked in, he saw Si Jingheng gripping Qi Xu’s shoulders tightly while Qi Xu struggled to push him away with a face full of resistance—looking as if he was being harassed. Instantly consumed by fury, He Qingshi rushed over without a second thought, raised his fist, and slammed it hard into Si Jingheng’s face.

“Bam!”

The punch was incredibly powerful. Caught off guard, Si Jingheng took the full force of the blow. The corner of his mouth split instantly, seeping blood. The sharp pain made him knit his brows, and a flash of hostility crossed his eyes as he instinctively prepared to strike back.

But the moment he was about to make his move, he caught Qi Xu’s eyes. They were filled with restriction and warning. Si Jingheng’s movement stopped instantly.

He couldn’t fight.

He knew very well that if he and He Qingshi got into a fight, Qi Xu would only hate him more, believing he was still the same hot-tempered, irritable person who only knew how to solve problems with violence.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t utterly destroy his only remaining chance over a moment of impulse.

Si Jingheng forced down the urge to hit back, merely wiping the blood from the corner of his lips with the back of his hand, looking at He Qingshi with icy eyes.

Still unsatisfied, He Qingshi wanted to strike again and even pulled out his phone to call the police. “You scoundrel! Harassing someone in broad daylight, I’m going to call the police on you!”

“Don’t call the police!” Qi Xu quickly grabbed He Qingshi’s arm to stop him. “Don’t be impulsive. Come downstairs with me first.”

He Qingshi looked at Qi Xu in confusion, his brows knit tightly. “Xu-ge, I saw everything!”

He didn’t understand why Qi Xu wouldn’t let him call the police, or why he was stopping him. This man obviously didn’t look like any good; his gaze was terrifying, and he was getting physical with Qi Xu. He definitely harbored ill intentions.

Qi Xu didn’t explain. He simply dragged He Qingshi by the arm, forcing him downstairs. He didn’t want to make a scene here, didn’t want more people to know about his relationship with Si Jingheng, and certainly didn’t want things to spiral out of control.

Although unwilling, He Qingshi was still dragged downstairs by Qi Xu.

When they reached the landing of the stairs, he suddenly stopped. He cast a glance back at Si Jingheng, then looked at Qi Xu, a thought suddenly flashing through his mind.

He recalled the blurry photo he had seen on Qi Xu’s phone lock screen when Qi Xu first arrived. The photo featured the profile of a man’s face. He hadn’t paid much attention to it back then, but now, that profile actually overlapped perfectly with the face of the man before them.

A bold guess rose in his heart.

He Qingshi stared closely into Qi Xu’s eyes and asked seriously, “Xu-ge, is that guy your ex-boyfriend?”

Qi Xu’s body stiffened abruptly, and his footsteps halted. He turned his head, met He Qingshi’s searching gaze, and after a moment of silence, slowly shook his head. “No,” he said calmly, “he doesn’t even count.”

Between them, there had never been an official title.

They were neither partners nor lovers, merely lovers in secret, bed partners, a relationship based on mutual need. He had given his true heart, only to receive coldness and pain in return.

He had imagined countless days in the future where Si Jingheng might be present, and had thought of countless reasons to say goodbye to him. But he had never expected that their final departure would be in such an undignified manner, without even a proper farewell.

Standing where he was, Si Jingheng heard Qi Xu’s words clearly.

Doesn’t even count.

These words were like a sharp icicle, piercing viciously through his heart, hurting even more than the slap and the punch he had just received.

It turned out that in Qi Xu’s heart, their past was so insignificant that he didn’t even count as an “ex-boyfriend.”