Chapter 20 - 3#

He touched the spot beside him; it was still warm.

It meant he had just gotten up.

Jingzhe was used to waking up early. After all, he had to go and clean before many of the young masters woke up every day. He had also gone to bed very early yesterday, so he felt refreshed when he woke up.

He got out of bed first.

As soon as his feet touched the ground, he suddenly remembered Rong Jiu’s words from yesterday, forbidding him to walk.

Jingzhe muttered that it wasn’t his fault.

It was Rong Jiu who wasn’t there.

He put on his shoes and walked to the washing area. As he passed the desk, he didn’t know when, but the bronze mirror had been lifted up again.

Jingzhe glanced at it and was surprised to find that the originally purplish-black, somewhat terrifying finger marks had indeed faded a lot.

Was that medicine so good?

Jingzhe washed up with suspicion, then sat down at the table.

When he got up just now, he saw the pastries on the table.

This should be the breakfast Rong Jiu left for him.

Jingzhe silently chewed on a steamed bun and sighed.

Was Rong Jiu determined to keep him imprisoned?

This was really strange.

Would Rong Jiu be so extreme with his future children?

Jingzhe ignored the faint pang in his heart when he thought of the words “future children” and frowned.

He had had his parents’ love.

Although it was very short, only for a few years.

But Jingzhe never doubted that his parents loved him.

That love was tasted every day, every moment, in his parents’ smiles, in their actions, in their meticulous care.

His parents loved him, and even if they were bewitched by the buff and became paranoid, they would not have behaved so violently.

Jingzhe was very sure.

And himself…

Of course, Jingzhe could not have children in this life, but if he encountered this buff… to be honest, because of his parents’ example, Jingzhe felt that he would probably just be more talkative and would not do such a thing.

Just like when he was in the Chuxiu Palace and met Huang Yijie and the other palace maids.

Although their reactions were a bit excessive, at most it was just doting.

At least Huang Yijie was definitely the kind of person who, if she had her own children in the future, would spoil them to no end and give them whatever they wanted.

But speaking of Huang Yijie… children…

In this harem, it has been a few years since Emperor Jingyuan ascended the throne.

However, in this huge harem, there is not even a single child… Could it be… uh… that the emperor is impotent?

This was a big deal.

While Jingzhe was lost in his own thoughts, Rong Jiu entered the room. When he walked over, he deliberately made his footsteps heavier, but it didn’t arouse any reaction from Jingzhe at all.

Rong Jiu raised his eyebrows. He had deliberately reminded him, but since he couldn’t perceive it, he couldn’t be blamed.

“What are you thinking about?”

Jingzhe muttered, “Is the emperor impotent…”

He blurted it out.

Oops!

Jingzhe looked up timidly and found that Rong Jiu’s face had darkened.

This was extremely rare, a time when Jingzhe saw obvious emotions on Rong Jiu’s face.

“You think the emperor is impotent?”

Rong Jiu slowly repeated what Jingzhe had just said.

Jingzhe felt a chill.

Then, he noticed even more clearly that Rong Jiu’s gaze fell on his lower body.

Heavens!

Jingzhe subconsciously clamped his thighs together, then realized how embarrassing this action was. He blushed and shook his head desperately, “No, I didn’t mean that… Rong Jiu!”

Rong Jiu bent down and picked up Jingzhe, striding towards the bed.

Jingzhe sensed danger and said anxiously, “What are you doing, Rong Jiu, don’t tear my clothes, don’t, don’t!”

His voice became sharp at the end, with unconcealable fear.

He desperately clutched his pants, trembling and almost crying. His fingers were so tight they cramped, and he could hear the harsh sound of fabric tearing.

The look of terror was much more intense and frightened than when Rong Jiu had wanted to kill him before.

Rong Jiu stopped his movements and looked at him fixedly.

A moment later, he let go.

Jingzhe immediately rolled to the inside of the bed, wrapped himself in the quilt like a ball, and hid inside.

Rong Jiu sat on the edge of the bed and, after a long while, touched the ball.

“…Sorry.” For these two words to come out of Rong Jiu’s mouth was as if the sky had changed, incredibly unbelievable. “I won’t despise you.”

Trapped in the quilt, Jingzhe bit his lip and listened to Rong Jiu’s words.

It was a little blurry, but very clear.

He knew that Rong Jiu had misunderstood the reason for his fear.

But those words fell into his ears and tightly entangled Jingzhe. For so many years, it had not been easy for him to live in the palace with this secret.

He could not arouse anyone’s suspicion.

He had to live well.

He could not disappoint his deceased parents and sister.

He could not implicate Chen An.

But living was so tiring. Living was also so difficult.

Being a eunuch who served others, especially in this palace, was like living with one’s head hanging on one’s belt.

In the years before he went to the North Wing, he had tried almost everything to survive.

Not to be exposed was already carved into Jingzhe’s bones.

Even though he believed that even if Rong Jiu knew this secret… perhaps he wouldn’t… hand him over to the chief eunuch, but when he almost touched that taboo, Jingzhe almost collapsed.

A great sense of panic almost swept over him.

It was already a stress reaction carved into his bone marrow, almost instinctive.

He blinked desperately, trying to blink away the moisture.

Don’t cry. You’re not allowed to cry.

Crying was the most useless method and couldn’t change any problem.

But his breathing became heavier and heavier, and the wet area grew larger and larger.

At some point, a huge force lifted Jingzhe’s shell.

Even though he held on to the corner so tightly, he was still dragged away by Rong Jiu.

When the quilt was lifted, Jingzhe’s miserable crying appearance was fully revealed to the man’s eyes.

He covered his face with his trembling hands, trying to hide his embarrassing appearance of tears streaming down his face. “Don’t look…” He couldn’t help but sob, “It’s too ugly…”

His voice weakened, and he pleaded with the man in a somewhat humble way.

“It is indeed ugly.”

Rong Jiu’s words were always not so pleasant.

Jingzhe pouted and cried even harder, sobbing one after another.

Rong Jiu sighed.

His fingers brushed away the strands of hair stuck to Jingzhe’s forehead.

That action carried a hint of pity.

Jingzhe almost thought he had felt it wrong.

But then, Rong Jiu patiently wiped away his tears, blew his nose for him, and cleaned him up. During this time, a large hand kept patting Jingzhe’s back, again and again.

The action was a bit stiff and rough.

When he patted, it was not natural.

It was more like a master counting, one, then another, a stiff movement.

After an unknown amount of time,

Jingzhe was miraculously soothed.

He didn’t even realize that the inexplicable outburst just now had completely vented the fear and unease that had been hidden in his heart for many years.

He lay blankly beside Rong Jiu.

Rong Jiu leaned against the head of the bed, holding the side-lying Jingzhe. The large hand behind him was still patting the thin back again and again.

After a long time, Jingzhe slowly said, “I was just…” He paused, “I was thinking, why hasn’t there been a single prince or princess in the harem for so many years… so I… didn’t mean to blaspheme His Majesty.”

Rong Jiu was Emperor Jingyuan’s man, so naturally he couldn’t listen to others insulting Emperor Jingyuan.

Jingzhe didn’t want Rong Jiu to misunderstand him.

“Have you ever thought that the emperor has only been on the throne for a few years, and before that, he had concubines, but he has never had children until now, because he doesn’t want to?”

Rong Jiu said lightly, his voice as cold as ever.

Jingzhe looked up in surprise. Rong Jiu was the emperor’s man, so what he said was credible to a certain extent.

“But… but why doesn’t His Majesty want children?”

Who in the world doesn’t want to have their own descendants?

Whether it is to carry on the family line, to bring glory to the family, or even the saying that there are three kinds of unfilial piety, and having no heir is the greatest, this is enough to show the importance that the world attaches to it.

“Why must one have one’s own children?” Rong Jiu said carelessly, “Father, mother, are they born to love their children? Not necessarily.”

“How can parents not love their own children?” Jingzhe suddenly sat up.

He could still remember the warmth of his mother’s hand on his head, the gentleness of her touch, filled with immense love. Although his father’s embrace was a bit rough, his favorite thing was when his father held him and his sister, one in each arm.

Those laughter scattered in Jingzhe’s heart, and even in the most difficult times, they made him grit his teeth and persevere.

Rong Jiu looked down at Jingzhe.

Jingzhe was a child who had been nurtured in his parents’ love. His parents had taught him very well, and even after so many years, he could still feel the traces of that upbringing in his bones.

Only in this way would he not immediately withdraw and stay away from the terrible source when he saw danger. Because what his parents taught him was all good, but they never warned him that there was also cruel and evil darkness in the world.

“Jingzhe, not everyone will love their children like your parents. Some people are not expected from birth, and they wish they could be strangled in their swaddling clothes. To survive, they rely on some luck and a shameless desire to live.”

Rong Jiu’s posture when he spoke was still so casual, “Therefore, the existence of offspring is not a treasure for him to inherit his bloodline, but a competitor who wants to compete with him for survival.”

Jingzhe was silent for a long while before he lowered his head and stammered, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“I said before that I shouldn’t make random comments about things I don’t know. But I just did it again. My parents treated me very well. This is my luck, but… not everyone is like this.”

Jingzhe said dejectedly.

Ugh, he really was a fool, just as Rong Jiu said.

“What are you apologizing to me for,” Rong Jiu said indifferently, “If you’re tired of crying, go to sleep for a while. Don’t hang your head.”

Jingzhe wanted to say something but stopped.

In fact, he felt that what Rong Jiu had just said was not about Emperor Jingyuan.

It was more like he was talking about himself.

Rong Jiu’s parents… didn’t… love him?

If so, it might explain why Rong Jiu’s reaction under the buff was so intense and strange… but Jingzhe didn’t want to think about it in detail.

If it was true, it would only be a tragic past for Rong Jiu.

He didn’t want to hurt Rong Jiu again.

But he couldn’t help but say one thing.

“Rong Jiu, I think, wanting to live is not something despicable.” Jingzhe said in a small voice, “As long as you are human, you will want to live. After my family’s accident, I was the only one who survived. Maybe some people think that I should have gone down to accompany them, and I once thought so too. But I still feel that… I’m still… alive, and it’s not something to be ashamed of.”

As long as there is a breath left, the instinct of a living being will always make people struggle to survive.

This instinct is not despicable.

It is purely, saving oneself.

In the world, only oneself is the one who will never betray oneself.

…