Chapter 41 - 1#

I stared at him fixedly.

“……Is it?” I took a shaky breath and tilted my head back.

He said nothing.

He just looked at me, not uttering a single word, his face maintaining the same expression as before, as if he felt absolutely nothing at that statement.

I gradually felt a bone-chilling coldness. The pendant Wang Zheng had given me pressed tightly against my skin.

“……” I reached out to wrap the pendant in my palm, retreating unconsciously.

He still said nothing.

I looked at his face, pale as paper in the dim light, his pupils reflecting a dull, wooden look. I took another deep breath, tilting my head high, trying to hold back my tears.

But as I exhaled, they fell anyway.

I picked up the other notebook on the table and turned to walk toward the door.

“Qiqi—!” He suddenly darted forward and grabbed my arm.

“……!”

I pushed him away with all my might.

I… I had to leave this place. I had to take Wang Zheng and leave this place.

“Qiqi! Qiqi—! It’s not, it’s not…” In the chaotic shoving, we both fell onto the long sofa. He used both hands to pin my flailing arms, his weight pressing down on me as he tried to hold me close.

Finally, I gritted my teeth and let out a roar: “Ren Xiaoyun—!!”

He froze abruptly, and my body reacted instantly. Once my hands were free, they struck out toward his fragile throat. Amidst the struggle, I flipped him and pinned him to the floor.

My hands exerted constant pressure; I could clearly feel his pulse—I watched as his face turned from white to red, his lips parted in what looked like extreme agony.

However, at the very last moment, I stopped.

The hand he raised was not intended to pry away the hands choking his neck. My cheek felt that touch of icy coldness; his fingertips trembled as he wiped away the tears in my eyes.

He had been keeping his mouth open from start to finish.

Qiqi…

My hands slowly loosened.

Two clear red finger marks appeared even more ghastly on his fair neck.

“Cough…” He tilted his head back in distress, coughing and gasping for air, his forehead covered in cold sweat. I watched him, shaken, then slowly sat up from his body.

He couldn’t stop coughing, yet as I stood up, he reached out a hand to grab my elbow. Using his other hand to prop himself up against the edge of the sofa, he struggled to get off the floor. Finally, as if drained of all strength, he leaned forward, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and murmured between gasps against my ear: “Qiqi…”

It was like a spell, leaving me unable to move.

He poked his head out from the crook of my neck, his lips already slightly cyanotic.

I looked at him, stunned.

“What is this… supposed to be?” I was bewildered.

I asked him: “What is this that you’re doing?”

“What exactly, what exactly do you want?” I shook my head powerlessly: “Ren Xiaoyun, I really, I really don’t understand. What do you want me to do? Huh?”

I grabbed his shoulders—my chest aching until I could barely breathe.

“……You love me? What kind of love is that? Is your love silently concealing everything, keeping me in the dark from beginning to end? Or is your love arbitrarily subjecting me to violence and imprisonment, threatening me with my relatives—and in the end, destroying everything I have!”

“Do you know how much I hurt—? Do you know—do you know how much I respected you back then! I, I—do you know, if you had told me then… that I was the bargaining chip my father used to trade for the Ren Corporation, but that it could keep you alive—I might have felt pain, but, but… I…”

I looked at him.

“Do you know—? If I had known then, known that my existence could keep you alive, keep my third uncle alive, keep the people important to me alive—even if my parents really had no affection for me at all, I would have felt it was, was worth it… Do you understand?”

He stared at me, his eyes slowly widening.

“Right, right… how could you possibly understand? When you and Wang Zheng seized my company back then, are you going to tell me now that it was because you were afraid I was too tired?… You love me, so you did it for my own good—and the method of doing good for me was to let everyone witness how everything I cherished was destroyed by my own hands!”

“And then, and then—” I tilted my head, looking around the room.

“We have all lived through it.”

“Everything that happened hasn’t happened yet… I can start over, before all the mistakes take place. I told myself, this time, I want to have a life of my own, I want to do what I want to do. I want to stay far away from everything in the past, I want to hide—hide far, far away before those injuries can reach me…”

“I, I’m really scared, I… I’m not cheap, I feel pain too. Even if you say I’m ungrateful, I just want to live well. I, I have self-awareness; I know I’m stupid, I’m weak, I don’t know how many times I would have died if not for you, but…”

Tears streaming down my face, I looked at him.

“……Ren Xiaoyun, I don’t owe you anything.”

I shook my head, my voice hoarse.

“I don’t owe you anything. I don’t owe you anything. Ren Xiaoyun.”

“Why, why do you still, still have to take away from me the salvation I was just about to grasp…?”

I asked him: “Why do you still have to take away the things I cherish, the things that are important, from my side?”

He strained his throat, only able to let out a few hoarse, single syllables.

I leaned against his shoulder, exhausted, weeping uncontrollably.

What else could be done?

I gripped the pendant on my chest tightly.

——What else, what else could be done?

It can’t be brought back. Everything is already too late.

Even if Wang Zheng really was killed by him, there is nothing I can do.

I choked back a sob, burying my head deeply into his chest.

I can’t bear for anyone else to leave anymore.

I can’t bear it anymore.

I looked ahead in silence.

Ren Sanye sat by the bed, looking at me with a concerned expression.

Xu Changsheng called out: “Young Master.” He packed up his things. “I’ll check your eyes carefully in a couple of days. If there’s anything, we might have to go to the hospital; the equipment is more complete there. Qinghong, put this medicine on the table.”

Xu Qinghong responded in a voice as thin as a mosquito’s buzz. He gingerly approached the bedside, placed the medicine packet down, and whispered: “Young Master, you… the eye drops inside, you must use them morning, noon, and night. Also, there are painkillers; the instructions are all inside.”

I looked at him and nodded with a faint smile, “Thank you…” Xu Qinghong shyly returned the smile, but when he turned to look at Ren Sanye, he dropped his eyes abruptly and hurried toward his grandfather as if startled.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, and suddenly my hand felt a chill. My gaze shifted to him; Ren Sanye was pressing his lips together, not saying a word—even if he wanted to, he likely couldn’t make a sound. His neck had already been medicated and looked somewhat pungent.

“Sigh.” Xu Changsheng looked at us and let out a sudden, light sigh.

“Grandfather, what are you sighing for?” Xu Qinghong asked sneakily, and Xu Changsheng smacked him hard on the back of the head.

“Get out, why are you meddling?”

“Ah, I, I was just concerned for Sanye and the Young Master…”

Before walking out the door, Xu Changsheng turned back to say to Ren Sanye: “Sanye, you should set aside your work for the next few days. I’ll go tell Old Zhang.”

Ren Sanye nodded.

Xu Changsheng looked at me, and slowly closed the door.

I let out a breath and leaned back. The pillows behind me were very soft.

He sat by the bed, gripping my hands tightly, looking at me as if he had a thousand words to say.

I looked at his neck; Ren Sanye’s skin had always been fair and tender, and even a slight injury would cause bruising and swelling, let alone the ligature marks. I suddenly felt a stinging pain and lowered my eyes, looking away.

He pulled my hand up sharply.

I jumped in surprise, looking at him suspiciously.

However, Ren Sanye held my elbow tightly and suddenly began slapping his own face with my hand.

He wasn’t exerting much force with this action, and I didn’t react immediately. He just held my hand, repeatedly slapping his own face.

“You… what are you doing?” I gasped, trying hard to pull my hand back.

He looked at me, leaned toward me, and opened his mouth, as if struggling to say something.

I said to him softly: “……Even if I beat you, it won’t change anything.”

He froze, then slowly nodded.

My spirit was somewhat weary; after sighing, I looked away and slowly shifted my body.

I turned to my side and closed my eyes.

After a long while, I could feel the side of the bed gradually tilting; it seemed as if something was leaning over, gently and slowly.

A cold sensation came from behind my back; his hand reached over my waist and wrapped around my arm.

Perhaps because we had cleared the air, I felt a vague sense of indifference, as if I had completely let everything go.

For the next two days, I was in a daze, sleeping and waking, waking and sleeping. Sometimes when I opened my eyes, my eyes ached terribly, accompanied by bouts of dizziness. Ren Sanye helped me sit up, his icy, cool hands patting my face with extreme gentleness.

“I… feel awful.” I wanted to sleep more; I was too tired.

He held me as I sat on the bed. I leaned against his chest, and when my mind was slightly clearer, I reached out to push him away.

I don’t know what he said; he reached out to check my forehead, then turned to press the call button.

I opened my eyes with difficulty, my head heavy, feeling very unwell.

“……Stuffy.”

However, his body was cold, and I leaned toward the source of the chill unconsciously. Before long, I heard footsteps.

He cupped my face, and I looked up at him.

Then, I closed my eyes.

When my collar was opened and I felt a chill on my chest, I opened my eyes abruptly—a strange doctor was nervously listening with a stethoscope. I could clearly feel Ren Sanye’s hands wrapped around my arms, supporting me.

They said something, and the doctor retrieved items from his medical bag; Ren Sanye held me tighter.

I reached out, wanting to button my shirt. I tried groggily several times until finally, his hand—so white the veins were visible—covered mine and helped me do up the buttons.

I swallowed with difficulty, only to find my throat hurting terribly.

My body was helped to roll over; I ended up lying on his chest. Just as I was wondering why, I suddenly felt my pants being tugged—I immediately woke up and tilted my head back.

“I won’t… won’t take an injection…” I pushed him away hoarsely, kicking my legs wildly. “I… I’ll take an IV, I won’t… won’t get a shot…”

Only then did I hear what the doctor said: “Sir, an intramuscular injection is more stable for your current body. Using an intravenous injection at this time might cause adverse reactions.”

I grabbed Ren Sanye’s arm, shaking my head repeatedly. “No, I won’t, I won’t get a shot, Third Uncle, I won’t…” He held me tighter. I felt like I was going to cry; my mind was in total chaos.

In a haze, I was pressed down onto the bed. With a twitch, I was given a sharp injection.

I felt both pain and numbness. Lying on him, I buried my head in distress. After a good while, he slowly flipped me back over and used his sleeve to wipe the cold sweat from my forehead.

The doctor said something else and nervously packed his things, then left with the nurse, their heads bowed.

My ears were buzzing; I curled up in discomfort, my eyes slightly open.

He seemed to kiss my forehead. I lifted my eyes with effort.

I wanted to glare at him fiercely, but I couldn’t. All I could do was kick my legs on the bed and pat the air with my hands.

As I squinted, I saw his hair hanging down.