Chapter 40 - 1#

A vast expanse of white.

That figure stood with his back to me by the window, the glaring light stabbing into my eyes.

He seemed to turn his head, letting out a soft laugh.

“Wang Zheng…”

I fell off the bed.

“Xiaoqi!”

I snapped my head up quickly, the scene before me gradually coming into focus. Bai Junrui helped me up from the floor. “Xiaoqi, you’re awake…?” His voice was hoarse, his brows and eyes tense with exhaustion, aside from worry.

I looked at him somewhat dazed, then nodded.

Bai Junrui’s hands pressed down on my shoulders. His dark eyes shifted, as if weighing something, and then he said soothingly, “Xiaoqi, lie down first. I’ll go notify the doctor.”

I grabbed his hand and shook my head. “How did I…” I looked around the room.

“Xiaoqi.” He closed his eyes briefly, patted my hand, and said, still shaken, “We couldn’t reach you no matter what, we couldn’t find you at your place either. We finally found you at…” He paused abruptly, then lowered his head as if in pain.

I remember. I think I went to the skyscraper in the city center.

From there, you could see far, far into the distance. It was so high up. When I stood on the rooftop and looked down, there was only a hazy blur. I also remembered the bone-chilling feeling as the cold wind whipped across my face.

Back then, I was thinking…

If I could do it all over again, would time move backward once more?

Would it—would it stop us from missing each other?

“Xiaoqi…” Bai Junrui knelt on one knee by the bedside, looking up at me. “When we found you, you had already passed out… Were you—trying to—” He paused again, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

I looked at him for a long moment, then slowly shook my head.

“No…” The hospital room was large, almost echoing.

I stared at that window, so far away that even the sunlight couldn’t reach it.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself.” I turned back to face him.

I smiled at him.

Bai Junrui, upon hearing this, nodded blankly. The corners of his mouth twitched, as if he wanted to smile back at me.

“Because I don’t dare,” I said. “I don’t dare… This time, I can’t afford to gamble anymore.”

I looked him straight in the eyes. “My life now—I stole it. It shouldn’t exist in the first place. Do you understand?”

He hugged my leg, staring up at me in a daze.

“You must not understand, right? Neither do I. It shouldn’t have started over. You know? It should have ended when I died back then. But…”

“Xiaoqi.” Bai Junrui looked at me with panic in his eyes. “You—please, stop talking…”

I looked down at him, reached out, and gently stroked his head.

Finally, I gave a faint smile.

“You used to like doing this too, hugging my leg. You’ve grown up, but you’re still the same.”

Bai Junrui hesitated.

I reached out, slowly wrapped my arms around his head, buried my face in his hair, and took a deep breath.

“Zhuoyu.”

I could clearly feel him stiffen.

“Zhuoyu…” I called softly. “Dad can’t keep pretending to be clueless anymore. Do you understand?”

“Dad knows everything.”

As I spoke, there was nothing left in my eyes to shed.

In that small box, there were also two little notebooks.

Bai Junrui had told me that Old Master Ren was searching for me frantically. He said that while I was flipping through those notebooks.

That night, I had only finished one of them—every word, every sentence.

And when I turned to the last page of the second notebook, Bai Junrui walked into the room with a grim expression. He sat on the bed, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and buried his head in my neck.

He said, “Wang Zheng’s remains… have already been sent to Singapore.”

I nodded.

“That driver has already turned himself in. He said he was driving drunk that day, that’s why—” Bai Junrui’s tone was calm, gentle. “Dad… don’t worry. I won’t let him off easy.”

I nodded.

Bai Junrui glanced at the little notebook in my hand and asked, “You’ve been reading them for two days. What are they?”

I looked up at the window. “Just old stories from the past.”

Bai Junrui frowned, took one of the notebooks, and casually flipped through it. Then he paused slightly.

His fingertips trembled faintly.

“These…”

I reached out, smoothed his hair, and said, “I’m fine. I just… clarified a few things I never knew.”

No sooner had I spoken than there was a hurried knock at the door.

It was Philip, the Shu family’s butler. His voice was urgent as he called loudly from outside, “Sir, someone is here to see you. It’s that person.”

Bai Junrui slowly straightened up, looking at me in surprise.

Holding the two notebooks, I got off the bed. I swayed slightly, and my vision started blurring again. Bai Junrui quickly stood up to steady me, but I shook my head at him and patted his cheek.

“Zhuoyu, Dad has something to do. You wait here obediently for Dad to come back, okay?”

I straightened myself and opened the door to walk out.

I wouldn’t go on like this anymore.

Everything I needed to know, everything I needed to understand—this time, I would get to the bottom of it all.

As I walked downstairs, I heard a call tinged with both urgency and joy.

“Young Master! We finally found you!”

Zhang Ting’s face lit up with ecstasy. He started to walk toward me but then stopped himself and obediently took his place behind Old Master Ren. Old Master Ren slowly sat up straight on the sofa, his left hand tightly gripping his cane. There was joy in his eyes, as if he had finally breathed a sigh of relief.

I stood on the second floor, looking down below, and called out softly, “Third Uncle.”

Old Master Ren rose, walking briskly to the foot of the stairs. Zhang Ting followed behind him. “Third Master, don’t rush. We’ve found the young master—he’s not going anywhere. Have a seat, sit—”

When I reached him, he looked me up and down, and silently mouthed, “Qiri.”

I lifted my head slightly, looking at him, and said hoarsely, “Third Uncle, I’m fine.”

He nodded faintly at that, but he didn’t look convinced.

As we sat in the car, he held my hand tightly.

“Third Uncle…” I gazed blankly out the window.

He hummed softly in response.

I said, “Wang Zheng is dead.”

His hand gripping mine trembled slightly—just for an instant. But I didn’t miss it.

“He’s dead.” I hugged the two notebooks. “I didn’t even get to see him one last time, and he died.”

The car jolted a little. Tired, I leaned my head on his shoulder. Silently, he reached over, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and pulled me close.

We didn’t say another word for the entire ride.

His hand was still as cold as ever—impossible to warm up.

When I opened my eyes again, I was still in bed. A faint, numbing pain came from my hand, where a thin tube connected to an IV stand. Xu Changsheng stood with his back to me, hands clasped behind him. Hearing me stir, he turned around, his brows and eyes kind as ever, and let out a chuckle. “Awake, are you?”

“Dr. Xu.” He nodded, adjusted the gold-rimmed glasses on his nose, and walked toward me. “Young Master, it hasn’t been long since I last saw you, and you already look this pale.”

“Irregular meals, I suppose? Your blood sugar is too low. A young man, fainting left and right—how is that fit?” He sighed.

“I’ll be more careful,” I replied. I turned my head to look around and slowly sat up. “My… notebooks?”

Xu Changsheng let out a confused “Eh?” and then Xu Qinghong’s voice rang out.

“Grandpa! Is Young Master Ren awake?”

Xu Qinghong was a spirited young man, carrying a tray tucked under his arm as he strode in noisily. “Young Master, do you remember me? We met last time when you came.”

“Can’t you keep it down? You’re as rowdy as Old Zhang. Now that the young master is awake, go inform the Third Master at once.”

Xu Changsheng scolded him lightly. Xu Qinghong rubbed his nose, said “Oh,” and dashed out again, bouncing as he went.

“That rascal…” Xu Changsheng shook his head, his tone tinged with affection.

I looked at Xu Changsheng for a long moment, then couldn’t help saying, “Dr. Xu, I envy you.”

Xu Changsheng chuckled and shook his head. “Young Master, don’t envy me. In my old age, I lost a good-for-nothing son and gained a grandson who should have been my own, but no one to carry on my practice. Ah.” He turned back to me, his smile fading. “Young Master, many things—if you can’t see past them—you still have to let them go. The people left behind are what matter most now.”

“You’re right.” I smiled faintly and nodded. “What’s in front of me is what matters most.”

“I’m glad you understand,” he said. “When you went missing without a trace, over these past three days, the Third Master nearly turned the entire city of B upside down.”

“I know,” I said calmly. “I’ve worried Third Uncle again.”

Xu Changsheng didn’t reply, just sighed once more.

“Grandpa—” The door banged open. Xu Qinghong rushed in hastily. Xu Changsheng frowned. “What’s with all this commotion?”

“Ah…” Xu Qinghong stepped back at his grandfather’s scolding, then pouted with a hint of grievance. “It’s just—I came to tell you, Grandpa—the Third Master, he—”

Xu Qinghong paused, glanced at me, and then said mysteriously, “The Third Master is in his study, acting really strange—he keeps flipping through two books, not saying a word, and his expression is awful. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Xu Changsheng furrowed his brows.

I bowed my head and pulled the tube out of the back of my hand.

“Young Master—”

I forced myself to ignore the discomfort, took a deep breath, and looked at Xu Qinghong.

“Can you take me to see Third Uncle?”

On the corridor leading there, I recalled the words Bai Junrui had said to me.

Back then, he had sat next to me, a faint tremor in his heart. His gaze was distant, looking outside. His hands were clasped together, rubbing unconsciously. After a long while, he asked—when did you find out.

I shook my head. I wasn’t really sure myself. That strange thought had always lingered in my mind, impossible to shake off. But when all the coincidences piled up, an unease grew and grew. If I could have, I wouldn’t have wanted to believe it.

But by then, there were no more excuses left for me to escape. The hand that could pull me out of this vortex was gone, too.

I just wanted to figure it all out—in these two lifetimes.

Bai Junrui gave a bitter smile—I’m not Ren Zhuoyu. To be more precise, your Ren Zhuoyu is Bai Junrui.

I watched him in silence.

He got up from the bed and walked to the window, saying as he went—remember when I had an accident in middle school?

—When I opened my eyes back then, you were the first thing I saw.

He smiled faintly, as if reminiscing.

—Isn’t it amazing? During those seven years I spent in a coma, I lived through another person’s life.

—I don’t know how to put it. Back then, I clearly knew I was a child. I thought, spoke, and acted like a child. But subconsciously, I also knew that I wasn’t really Ren Zhuoyu.

—Most importantly, I had a father who loved me.

He turned back to look at me.

—I had a gentle, busy father. He had a mild temper; he never hit me. Even when I got into trouble, he just stared at me with wide eyes and refused to talk to me for days.

—I caused trouble just so he would notice me, so he would stop thinking only about work. So when he didn’t talk to me, I got scared.

—I was happy. Because Bai Junrui lost his so-called parents at a very young age. Clever but unruly, aside from an uncle who still bothered to teach him, he had no family left in this world.

—But…

He tilted his head slightly and took a deep breath.

—In that world, Ren Zhuoyu’s father died. In an instant, everything was turned upside down. I was terrified, because my father finally learned that Ren Zhuoyu was not his biological son. He died in despair.

—And then, one night, I fell asleep. When I opened my eyes again…

He spread his hands, smiling at me.

—I was Bai Junrui again. The one who had been bedridden for seven years after the car accident.

—When I woke up, I cried bitterly. I didn’t know which side of my experiences was real. But gradually, my life returned to normal. I thought it was all just a dream—until I met you.

—And you—you were exactly the same as the father in my memories.

—Isn’t that a wonderful thing?

I corrected him—No. It’s an incredible thing.

Bai Junrui nodded repeatedly—Maybe… maybe what we both experienced was just a shared dream.

He stared at me fixedly.

—Maybe this world right now is the real one. Isn’t it?

“We’re here, Young Master.” Xu Qinghong looked back at me, his expression somewhat worried. “Young Master, I think… you really don’t look well.”

I smiled back. “It’s fine. I’ll only talk with Third Uncle for a little while. Not long.”

He said “Oh” and knocked on the door for me.