Chapter 39 - 2#

He was still just as beautiful, just as good-looking.

As long as I closed my eyes, I could easily trace his face, from childhood to adulthood, the way he talked, the way he looked when angry, when happy…

I had loved him so much.

I reached out, wanting to touch his face.

His eyelashes were long, like a pair of small fans; his chin was slightly pointed, a lovely oval face; his nose bridge was straight and his nostrils full — Zhang Ma used to say that meant good fortune… He was especially beautiful when he smiled, with a pair of shallow dimples, his eyes lively, his whole being brimming with vitality.

He had a nice name.

Wang Zheng.

I called him silently.

I didn’t know if he heard me. I slipped my hand under the white cloth and held his. Tightly. Firmly.

It was cold, stiff.

I slowly leaned closer to him.

I couldn’t speak; it was as if even the strength to cry had been drained from me. I could only look at him, press close to him.

I couldn’t shed a tear.

Not a single one.

Then someone shoved me away forcefully.

“Eustace! Eustace! Eustace——!!”

A sharp, piercing wail sounded in my ear. I sat on the ground, dazed, staring upward.

It was Shu Yuan, it was Shu Yuan…

She knelt beside the stretcher, clutching Wang Zheng tightly. “Eustace!! Ah… look at me… Eustace!”

She cried, her hair disheveled, screaming hoarsely.

“Shu Yuan.” I called her.

She turned to look at me, then staggered over and pounded on me with her fists.

“It’s all you! All you! All you——!!!”

Someone quickly came to pull her away, but she struggled fiercely.

I slowly stood up and took out the white coat from the bag.

“Shu Yuan.” I looked at Wang Zheng. “Let me… cover Wang Zheng with a piece of clothing, okay?”

Shu Yuan stopped struggling, staring at me through tear-blurred eyes.

I walked toward Wang Zheng with the coat, slowly draping it over him.

His hair was messy. I raised my hand and gently smoothed it down.

“Wang Zheng.”

I said, “Are you still cold…?”

I slowly lowered my head, parting the strands of hair on his forehead.

And pressed my lips gently against it.

I don’t know how I got back.

I brought back a small box.

They said it was left for me by Wang Zheng. The wrapping paper on the box was stained with blood. I placed it on the low table by the bed.

Last night, Wang Zheng had slept with me on this very bed.

He had his arms around my waist, keeping me awake all night.

I knew he was afraid to sleep alone, and afraid to be home alone.

But he was proud, too stubborn to say it. Every time I came home late, he would be sitting at the entrance.

Every night before bed, he would ask me if I would ever send him away.

I said, what nonsense are you thinking?

He wouldn’t speak, just curled up quietly, uneasily.

I never told him — how could I bear to send him away?

How could I bear to…

I lay on my side in bed, waking and sleeping, sleeping and waking.

Finally, I sat up.

I picked up the small box and shook it gently.

What day is it today?

— It’s Wednesday.

Where’s your watch?

— It was old, so I pawned it for a new one.

He gave a mischievous smile, pinched my cheek, and said — How can you be so dumb.

Actually, I knew it all.

I really… I really knew.

What you did for me was the same as what I once did for you.

The same.

When I opened the small box, there was a chain inside.

It sparkled with a crystalline light.

I opened the pendant; inside was a small photo.

When the pendant opened, there was also a voice.

Wang Zheng’s voice.

“Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday.”

In the photo, it was me and Wang Zheng.

I was asleep; he was secretly kissing my cheek.

“Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday.”

In the photo, Wang Zheng was beaming.

A beautiful moment, frozen forever.

Bewildered, I grabbed my phone.

When you miss me, call me.

“Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday. Qiri, happy birthday.”

[The number you dialed is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later.]

— You’re the one who made me like this!

— What do you need them for? Isn’t having me enough?

— You said you loved me! You said so!

— Really? You’ll stay with me? Really?

— So you sentence me like this, because of that ‘Wang Zheng’ who betrayed you — with your magnanimous attitude, you mercilessly kick me out of your life!

— Feel. I’m not the same as that person. I’m not him.

— Qiri, isn’t it time you… acquitted me?

Finally, something.

Rolled from my eyes.

Wang Zheng left very few things behind.

I washed all the clothes in the cabinet, leaving only the light blue shirt hanging beside the mirror. It was what he had worn the night before last.

I wanted to keep it for myself.

Wang Zheng hadn’t lived here long, but traces of him were everywhere. Miscellaneous things — books he liked, reference materials, his favorite snacks, the body wash he used, his slippers…

When he planned to move, Wang Zheng had packed a lot into boxes.

I took them out one by one, then put them back into the boxes.

I packed for a long time, paused to wash my face, then continued.

Back and forth.

I took the platinum pendant Wang Zheng had given me when he was young and linked it with the chain, wearing it around my neck.

This time, I fastened it tightly — I couldn’t get it off anymore.

So this time, I would never lose it again.

I sat on the floor, flipping through Wang Zheng’s books. At the bottom of the box were some finance-related ones, still new, with only a few pages of notes. On top were all kinds of cookbooks, filled with Wang Zheng’s handwriting — add two extra spoons of sugar, steam five minutes less, use lemon for more flavor…

He had done a lot of homework; he had always been so hardworking.

As long as it was Wang Zheng, he was excellent.

Always had been.

Among them were also many travel brochures, and a small folder.

Back then, Wang Zheng had sat in this spot.

He said…

We could save up slowly; when we had enough, we could change places and start over, playing like that for ten or twenty years.

When we got tired of traveling, we would settle down.

We had agreed to be together — ten or twenty years.

And then… maybe forever.

I opened the last small box — the one Wang Zheng had packed himself.

He had sealed it tightly, wrapped with layer after layer of rope.

I asked, What’s hidden in there?

He said, Everything.

What everything?

My everything.

He looked at me, smiling softly.

I slowly untied the rope.

There wasn’t much in the box — a photo album, two slightly thick notebooks, and some odds and ends. I took out a small bottle.

Inside were a few candies — I didn’t know how old they were, sealed tight.

I gently flipped through.

In the end, I broke down sobbing.

I thought he had thrown it all away.

The paper airplane, twisted so it barely held its shape — I had folded it. One of my uncles from a separated branch of the family taught us kids how to fold them. Mine was the ugliest; the others laughed at me for a long time. Later, Wang Zheng took it.

The little music box — I had given it to Wang Zheng for his birthday. Back then, he said it was too girly and ugly as hell.

And that watch, that hand-carved figurine…

So few things I had given him.

I opened the photo album.

Every photo had notes — his father, siblings, Zhang Ma… and me. In those days, we were still young; he sat close to me, smiling slightly at the camera.

There were very few photos.

Only one on the last page.

It was from middle school — a bit blurry, with tearstains on it.

As if someone had accidentally captured the moment I turned around.

I held it in my hands, flipped it over. On the back was Wang Zheng’s handwriting, messy, overlapping — Qiri.

This one photo carried all his longing.

This was Wang Zheng’s past — a past I never knew.

I put the photo back in its place, tears falling from my eyes onto it.

We missed each other.

He was gone.

This time… we missed each other again.