Chapter 1#
Returning to Court: His Majesty is Holding a Selection#
In the fourth year of Jingyuan, the Emperor led a personal expedition to attack the State of Chen.
In the eighth year of Jingyuan, the States of Qi and An surrendered.
In the tenth year of Jingyuan, the State of Qing was conquered.
Thus, the world was initially settled, and the four seas were cleared.
In August of the same year, the great army returned to the court.
— The Tyrant’s Whitewashing Script: History of Liang
On the day the army returned, the capital of the Liang Kingdom was clear and bright, with cloudless skies for ten thousand miles.
The Liang army snaked along like a dragon, and the citizens of the capital were overjoyed, crowding both sides of the road.
“Is His Majesty here yet? Has the imperial carriage arrived?”
“Not yet, this is just the vanguard. The imperial carriage is behind.”
“Ah, he’s here! He’s here! Greetings, Your Majesty!”
A shout erupted from the crowd, and the onlookers bowed and kowtowed one after another, shouting in unison.
“Greetings, Your Majesty! Long live Your Majesty! Long live Great Liang!”
At twenty-three years old, the young emperor who had conquered several countries and unified the world rode his warhorse through the long street, clad in armor and tall boots, brimming with pride and satisfaction.
The wind blew, lifting the Emperor’s bright red cloak.
As the wind passed, the cloak fell, revealing a small attendant following behind the Emperor.
The small attendant was also wearing armor, with a large helmet perched on his head, almost covering his eyes.
He carried the Emperor’s bow and arrows on his shoulder, a long saber at his waist, and held the Emperor’s halberd in his arms. He kept up his pace, obediently following behind the Emperor.
He looked up, gazing at the Emperor.
His eyes were bright and sparkling, appearing more devout than any of the citizens.
He struggled to hold the halberd, which was taller than himself, raised his hand, and shouted loudly along with the people—
“Long live Your Majesty! Long live Great Liang!”
“Long live Your Majesty, long live, long long live!”
“Your Majesty… I can’t think of anything else… anyway, long live Your Majesty!”
The Emperor turned his head, saw his silly appearance, and couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.
“Idiot.”
The Emperor released the reins and hooked his finger at him.
The small attendant understood, clutched the weapons, and ran forward a few steps.
He looked up, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks due to excitement. His eyes flickered like two little stars.
“Does Your Majesty have any or… ders…”
Before he could finish, the Emperor reached out, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him up.
“Ah…”
After a dizzying moment, he was pulled into the Emperor’s embrace and sat steadily on the horse’s back.
The small attendant hurriedly turned his head and cried out: “Your Majesty…”
The Emperor’s expression remained unchanged, and his tone was cold: “Don’t move.”
“But…”
“Stop talking nonsense.”
“Yes…”
The small attendant turned his head back, gripped the horse’s mane, and sat obediently.
But…
The people on both sides of the road were looking at him.
“Who is that?”
“His Majesty’s attendant, perhaps?”
“Can an attendant ride the same horse as His Majesty?”
As the warhorse continued forward, the small attendant lowered his head further, burying it in his chest like a little quail.
The Emperor had always been impulsive and unconstrained, disregarding the eyes of others and even less the gossip of others.
But he still cared a little bit.
He was afraid of being pointed at by the people.
Suddenly, a golden, round little pastry fell from somewhere in the sky and landed straight into his arms.
The small attendant was startled and hurriedly caught the little pastry. Upon closer inspection, he shouted in surprise: “White Cloud Cake!”
He instinctively wanted to turn around, but then remembered the Emperor told him not to move. He turned his head halfway and quickly turned it back: “Your Majesty, is this for me?”
The Emperor’s expression turned slightly cold, and he said indifferently: “You ignorant idiot. How many times have I told you? This is called a ‘cream puff,’ not some bullshit White Cloud Cake. On such a grand day, I’ll reward you with one.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty!”
The Emperor couldn’t stand his drooling, greedy look. He gave a light snort, turned his head, and looked elsewhere: “Keep it quiet, hide it well, and take it back to eat. If others see it, everyone will want to eat it, and I can’t produce that many.”
“Yes!” The small attendant held the puff with both hands and happily wiggled his feet.
His name was “Yanzhi,” and he was the Emperor’s personal attendant!
The Emperor’s name was “Xiao Cuan,” and he was the Emperor of the Great Liang Dynasty!
This thing was called a “cream puff,” and it was an especially, especially delicious snack!
And it was a snack exclusive to the Emperor, something only the Emperor had. Neither the palace kitchens nor the pastry shops outside had it.
Yanzhi still remembered the first time he ate a cream puff.
At that time, he was only eight years old. He had been sold into the palace by his biological father and stepmother to be castrated and become a little eunuch.
Just as his pants were about to be pulled down for the “snip,” the thirteen-year-old Emperor descended like a god from heaven and saved him.
The Emperor said to him: “If you want to live, you are only allowed to be loyal to me in this life. If you dare to have any second thoughts, I will cut you down with one stroke.”
Yanzhi nodded vigorously, patted his chest, and promised that he would be absolutely loyal to the Emperor.
But he was still sobbing, unable to stop crying.
So the Emperor took out a cream puff from somewhere, threw it into his arms, and ordered him to eat.
Yanzhi had never eaten a puff before. With one bite, his face was covered in cream, and naturally, he forgot to cry.
Thus, he became the Emperor’s personal attendant, loyal and responsible.
When the Emperor was assassinated, he stood in front and was run through by a long sword.
When the Emperor went on an expedition, he carried the weapons, never stopping his steps, guarding him at all times.
When the Emperor was given medicine, he picked up the bowl and gulped it down, thinking it would be better for the imperial physician to test the medicine on him…
As it turned out, that medicine wasn’t poison, but an aphrodisiac…
Consequently, he became the Emperor’s true “personal attendant.”
The kind where skin touches skin and bodies blend together.
Whenever he finished these tasks, the Emperor would reward him with a cream puff.
The outside was a crispy crust that crumbled with one bite, and the inside was snow-white, sweet, and soft cream.
When Yanzhi was young and silly, he always thought that since the Emperor was the Son of Heaven, he went up to the sky, plucked a piece of white cloud, stuffed it into the pastry crust, and made a “cream puff.”
That’s why Yanzhi called it “White Cloud Cake.”
It’s just that every time he called it that, the Emperor would correct him.
Forget it, no matter what it’s called, the Emperor saved him and gave him snacks. The Emperor is a great person!
Yanzhi liked “White Cloud Cake,” but he liked the Great Person Emperor even more! Especially liked him! Really liked him! Liked him more than anyone in the world!
Yanzhi took out a clean handkerchief from his bosom, carefully wrapped the puff, and cautiously tucked it away, thinking he would eat it slowly after returning to the palace.
At that moment, the army reached the front of the Great Liang Palace.
Xiao Cuan flipped off the horse and, with a casual lift, pulled Yanzhi down as well.
The civil and military officials bowed and kowtowed, shouting “Long live.”
Xiao Cuan only left behind a sentence of “Rise,” and strode toward the palace walls and towers.
Yanzhi carried the weapons and followed obediently behind the Emperor.
The officials followed closely behind.
The group ascended the towering city walls, overlooking the army in the distance.
The Liang army was magnificent. The vanguard had already entered the city, while the rear wing was still far outside.
Yanzhi looked out and couldn’t help but let out a small exclamation: “Wow—”
So many people.
When he followed the Emperor in the military camp, he didn’t feel there were this many people.
Now looking down from a height, it was all people, like ants.
“Idiot, wipe your drool.”
The Emperor’s voice suddenly came from above. Yanzhi instinctively raised his hand and touched the corner of his mouth.
“I didn’t.” Yanzhi looked up. “Replying to Your Majesty, I didn’t drool.”
“If it were anyone else staring at my army with eyes wide open, they would have been killed by me long ago.”
“I wouldn’t dare.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Xiao Cuan looked into the distance and said indifferently, “Idiot, I ask you—”
“Now that the world is unified, I have vast territories, a powerful army, loyal officials, and even you, a little dog for amusement and sleeping accompaniment.”
“Tell me, what else am I missing?”
Yanzhi looked at the Emperor seriously, blinking his eyes.
He thought for a long time but finally shook his head: “I can’t think of anything.”
“It would be strange if you could.”
Xiao Cuan laughed softly, took off his helmet, and threw it into Yanzhi’s arms.
He turned around and said loudly: “Ministers, hear my decree—”
The officials hurried to kowtow: “We are listening.”
“Today the world is unified and the seas are peaceful, but the harem is empty and the position of Empress is vacant, which is very inconvenient.”
“I order the noble families and high officials to report the names of all eligible men and women in their families to enter the palace for selection.”
“There will be a first round, a second round, and a final round. Those with excellent family background, character, appearance, and talent will be chosen to serve in the palace.”
The oral decree was short. The officials bowed again: “We receive the decree.”
One official gathered his courage, looked up, and asked: “May I ask Your Majesty, what are the ‘first, second, and final rounds’?”
Xiao Cuan said indifferently: “The first interview, the second interview, and the final interview.”
The official only half-understood but didn’t dare ask more, so he shut his mouth and continued to speculate.
Another official asked: “May I ask Your Majesty, you just mentioned ’eligible men and women,’ so…”
“Men and women will be selected together.”
Xiao Cuan still had that same casual and calm demeanor, but the words he spoke were jaw-dropping.
Men and women selected together?!
The officials kneeling on the ground exchanged surprised looks and finally glanced at Yanzhi, who was following the Emperor. They seemed to understand something.
This Master Yanzhi had always been by the Emperor’s side, not just as a personal attendant, but also as a male favorite.
Therefore, if the Emperor liked men and wanted to select men for this draft, it wouldn’t be surprising.
Xiao Cuan finally asked: “Are there any more doubts?”
The ministers bowed: “We dare not.”
“This matter shall be handled by—”
Xiao Cuan raised his eyes slightly, his gaze scanning the officials, and finally landed on—
Hearing the Emperor say there would be a selection, Yanzhi was stunned.
He was draped with the Emperor’s bow and arrows, holding the Emperor’s weapons in his hands, clutching the helmet the Emperor had just thrown at him, and still carrying the cream puff the Emperor had rewarded him with.
His whole body was occupied by the Emperor’s things.
But… a selection…
The Emperor wanted a beauty selection.
The Emperor was going to choose concubines and appoint an Empress.
Then…
Xiao Cuan called out: “Yanzhi.”
Yanzhi didn’t seem to hear. His mind was a mess, filled with various thoughts.
What about him?
Now that the Emperor would have an Empress, what would he be?
Would he still be the Emperor’s personal attendant? Or would the Emperor also give him a title?
He…
“Yanzhi!” Xiao Cuan raised his volume.
“Your… Your Majesty…” Yanzhi finally came to his senses and responded.
“You will handle the selection.”
“Replying to Your Majesty, I…” Yanzhi instinctively wanted to decline.
The next moment, Xiao Cuan forcefully pinched his cheek and pulled him in front of himself.
“It’s you.”
“You are dim-witted and stay by my side every day; you won’t be swayed by others.”
“My court must be full of talent, my army must be invincible, and my harem must be filled with beautiful flowers. Do you understand?”
Seeing Yanzhi still looking dazed, Xiao Cuan said impatiently: “Just choose according to the opposite of yourself, understand?”
“You are stupid, so for my selection, you must choose those who are smart and clever.”
“You are ugly, so for my selection, you must choose those who are beautiful and good-looking.”
“You are of lowly birth, so for my selection, you must choose those of noble origin.”
“Select according to the opposite of yourself, but you are not allowed to take advantage of the chaos to stuff yourself into my harem.”
“Do you understand when I put it this way?”
Unknowingly, Yanzhi’s eyes reddened, and a mist rose in them.
Yanzhi tried his best to hold back his tears, not wanting to cry in front of the Emperor.
But Xiao Cuan gave his cheek a hard pinch, causing his tears to “plop” and fall.
Xiao Cuan frowned, looked down, raised his hand, and wiped the teardrop that had fallen on the back of his hand back onto Yanzhi’s face.
He even smeared it evenly.
“What are you crying for? Did I say something wrong? Or did I pinch you too hard?”
Yanzhi shook his head, messily wiped his eyes, and like the other officials, bowed and saluted: “I obey the decree.”
Yanzhi knelt on the ground, head lowered, and suddenly felt a dampness in his chest.
He reached in and touched it, only to find that the cream puff he had tucked in his bosom had been crushed by the helmet the Emperor had thrown earlier. The cream was all oozing out.
It was all his fault for being careless and failing to protect the puff.